Valentine’s Day is just around! That means half of the world will utterly hate their day and half of the world will be over the moon. Well wait, that number isn’t correct this year. Because part of the population, both single and not single, will be at the premiere of 50 Shades of Grey. This is how I feel about that: that’s weird. I just finished the first book and there is no way that I want to see that movie around anyone else. No way dude. I’m not going to sit in a theatre will 100+ other people who are thinking dirty thoughts. Ew. You know that probably 65% of the people in that one theatre at that one time are creepy human beings. That’s just fact. I’d much rather read the book in the privacy of a nail salon while I get a pedicure. Because that’s not creepy at all.
This vday is going to be more on the boring side for us. Because the fiancé has to work. Poop. So we are planning breakfast at Snooze that morning then I bought a roll of Cappello’s paleo cooking dough to make a GIANT half baked cookie topped with ice cream to eat by myself until he gets home from work. What are you going to do on Vday? Eat dessert with your friends? Creep at a movie? Make out with your lover? Tell me everything, except the creepy parts.
Doesn’t that book bum you out that you don’t have billions of dollars? And a plane that flies to the sun. Gosh damn it, Mr. Grey.
Omg. Did you guys watch The Bachelor the other night? I always have some comment on my blog after I talk about the Bachelor telling me that they’ve lost all respect for me…but that’s ok, many people have lost respect for me over the years. Like the day I recapped my brazilian wax experience. I still go on loving Monday night Bachelor sessions. Drama is hilarious to watch. But I get it, it’s fake so why watch it. BECAUSE IT’S HILARIOUS. And every Monday, a bunch of us girls get together to eat taco salads and dessert, talk about our lives on commercials and rewind constantly because we are laughing so hard at certain moments that we miss the sweet one liners. This is my favorite one liner: “I’m a virgin…but I’m not super serious about it.” You go girl. First you gotta impressive him with keeping your virginity, but if he’s not into that kind of thing, make sure he knows that you’ll give it up at any moment. I dig your style. And one girl told us at least 14 times how her husband died while creepily laughing about it. ABC did a good job making us believe she was a murderer. She had to go. You can’t give a rose to a fake murderer on your reality show! People would get pisssssed.
Oh how I’d love to work behind the scenes on one of those shows.
Guess what?? I just finished all of the recipes for my third cookbook, Juli Bauer’s Paleo Cookbook! I turned them in to the editor on Monday to get them off of my shoulders. I’ve now written 3 cookbooks in 3 years so I’m ready for a little break and ready to start concentrating on other things. Kind of. Like writing the front matter for this third book and really put my voice into it. That part definitely isn’t done. I want this book to really feel like my blog, but prettier, because Bill and Hayley from Primal Palate are doing the photography instead of me! And then I want to start concentrating on new recipes for the blog AND planning our wedding! 2015 is going to be an awesome year. I just know it!
Now let’s get Valentine’s Day chocolate wasted!!
Valentine’s Day Almond Butter Blondies
- Yield: 9 squares 1x
Ingredients
- 1 cup almond butter
- 1/4 cup honey
- 1/4 cup maple sugar or coconut sugar
- 1 egg
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
- pinch of sea salt
- 1/2 cup dark chocolate chips
Instructions
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
- Grease an 8×8 baking dish.
- Mix together all ingredients and fold in chocolate chips.
- Pour mixture into baking dish and spread out evenly
- Bake for 20-23 minutes (the top will seem a bit soft but will harden when cooled). Let cool for about 10 minutes before slicing.
- Eat with coconut milk ice cream. Duh.
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How ’bout Some Brownies?
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I just gained even more respect for you because you watch the Bach!
Also omg these brownies look amazing!
Ugh, I just finished 50 Shades and definitely agree with you. Are you going to continue on and read the other two? I can’t decide.
As much as I love your recipes, I’m pretty sure I love your commentaries just as much.
YES to The Bachelor. My boyfriend makes so much fun of me but I can’t stop being entertained by it. It’s like a car crash that I want to look away from, but I can’t. I want to revel is how hysterical these girls get over being “dumped” by a guy they were only kinda sorta dating for about four weeks. It makes me feel a lot better about myself.
Anywho. These look awesome, and like what I’m probably going to be making for a work bake sale I agreed (was bribed) to participate in.
Wow juli these look delicious!!!! And congrats on the recipes! What an amazing accomplishment. Can’t wait to read it and cook from it and laugh at everything. Good luck with the front matter!
totally with you on the Bachelor. My fiance fights with me every week and tells me how its draining my intelligence and blah blah blah. (but does end up watching it w/ me go figure!). Truth is, I want it because its ENTERTAINING. and sometimes you just want to be mindlessly entertained!! Not expecting to learn something from it. Love this recipe, can’t wait to try
How do they cook up like that with no grains at all? Am I missing something? I figured there would be some sort of grain in there to get a cookie that looks like that!
nope
I 100% agree with you on the bachelor. Haha I LOVE it. So dang hilarious and Kelsey is crazy! “I just LOVE my story, it’s tragic and amazing!” Who says that about her dead husband??? SOOO creepy!! And I’m making these up for valentines day! Thanks girl!!
Juli!! Congrats to you and your fiance on your engagement. Wish you both tons of happiness 🙂
These blondies are getting made this weekend for sure! What adjustments do you recommend if i want to make a 9 x 11 pan?
Keep up the awesome work. you are one hard working lady 😉
These look delicious! I may have to make them for the Gal-entine’s day date I have planned with my best friend. No need to be bitter about being single when you can just celebrate the day with your girlfriends!
So I promise I’m not obsessed with you but I had a JB dream the other night, lol!! I was in your wedding (BTW the dresses we wore as bridesmaids are totally something I would wear again, so thank you. They were plum and long) and during the ceremony, you had a (gluten free) CAKE INTERMISSION. Like, right before you guys exchanged rings. It was kind of hilarious because the ceremony was really only supposed to last like 15 minutes but you decided that is just too long to wait for cake. I think you had a wedding reception cake too, so we basically cake pre-gamed.
that is absolutely amazing! we are planning to have a champagne break during the ceremony which my fiancé thought up! but the cake idea is WAY more my style. maybe we should have cake AND champagne in the middle, genius. your dreams are my favorite.