I heard some funny sh*t the other day. Well, I do every day. I hang out with hilarious men regularly so I’m often holding my crotch in an attempt to not piss myself. But our convo the other day was extra special. We were talking about hot girls, which is a usual topic of conversation, and how b*tches be thinking they’re too big. We have this issue in our little CrossFit community of ours. Women are afraid of getting too big. Too bulky. Big traps. Blah blah blah. Ok it’s time to get something straight ladies:
- You are not going to get bulky. Lifting weights does not make you bulky. This makes you strong. Strong does not mean bulky. You know what makes you bulky? Cinnamon rolls. Yep, I would know.
- Muscles are sexy. They just are. Why do you think we all are slightly in love with Jessica Biel and/or Cameron Diaz? Because they have muscles. Duh.
- Having traps does not make you look manly. It give your shirt something to rest on. No traps = sinking shoulder dents from your bra straps. That’s gross. Do you want to be gross? Of course you don’t.
- Lifting weights makes you physically able, therefore, more attractive. Good dudes like girls that can hold their own. A girl who can pick sh*t up on her own and lift heavy sh*t over her head is wicked cool…a dude who isn’t into that is a douche bag and a p*ssy. You shouldn’t be into that kind of guy, ladies. Just trust me.
- And this is how a dude sees a woman who talks about not wanting to get bigger…in the words of my guy friend, whiny voice included, “I just want my arms to look skinny fat. I want my arms to look extra flaccid in my dress.”
After hearing that, I almost peed myself then was quite happy to know that I was around men who have high standards in their women. And want a woman that is strong. Has traps. And can hold her own. I love my guy friends.
Sorry I had to go on a rant. I’m sick of hearing that from girls. Especially when I’m bigger than all of them. My ass could literally swallow them up. But that’s because I want to make it to the Games. So my ass better be bigger than theirs. And has an appetite. Ladies, be strong. Be confident. Show the world what you are made of!
Now enough about women. Let’s eat. Chocolate that is. Oh, and if you’re going to let me know that Enjoy Life isn’t paleo and is filled with sugar, believe me, I know. I do not care. Kthanxbye.
- Pull out a 8x8 glass baking dish.
- Add your chocolate chips to dish and throw in the microwave for about 1:00, being sure to mix the chocolate chips if needed to be sure they do not burn. If you are a microwave nazi, use a double boiler to melt your chocolate. It's your chocolate and your world. Do it up.
- Once chocolate is fully melted, add your coconut butter and shredded coconut and thoroughly mix.
- Use a spoon to spread mixture out evenly in your baking dish.
- Top everything off with a sprinkle of salt on top.
- Put in the freezer for around 45 minutes or more, the use your hands or a knife to chop your bark into pieces.
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