I heard some funny sh*t the other day. Well, I do every day. I hang out with hilarious men regularly so I’m often holding my crotch in an attempt to not piss myself. But our convo the other day was extra special. We were talking about hot girls, which is a usual topic of conversation, and how b*tches be thinking they’re too big. We have this issue in our little CrossFit community of ours. Women are afraid of getting too big. Too bulky. Big traps. Blah blah blah. Ok it’s time to get something straight ladies:
- You are not going to get bulky. Lifting weights does not make you bulky. This makes you strong. Strong does not mean bulky. You know what makes you bulky? Cinnamon rolls. Yep, I would know.
- Muscles are sexy. They just are. Why do you think we all are slightly in love with Jessica Biel and/or Cameron Diaz? Because they have muscles. Duh.
- Having traps does not make you look manly. It give your shirt something to rest on. No traps = sinking shoulder dents from your bra straps. That’s gross. Do you want to be gross? Of course you don’t.
- Lifting weights makes you physically able, therefore, more attractive. Good dudes like girls that can hold their own. A girl who can pick sh*t up on her own and lift heavy sh*t over her head is wicked cool…a dude who isn’t into that is a douche bag and a p*ssy. You shouldn’t be into that kind of guy, ladies. Just trust me.
- And this is how a dude sees a woman who talks about not wanting to get bigger…in the words of my guy friend, whiny voice included, “I just want my arms to look skinny fat. I want my arms to look extra flaccid in my dress.”
After hearing that, I almost peed myself then was quite happy to know that I was around men who have high standards in their women. And want a woman that is strong. Has traps. And can hold her own. I love my guy friends.
Sorry I had to go on a rant. I’m sick of hearing that from girls. Especially when I’m bigger than all of them. My ass could literally swallow them up. But that’s because I want to make it to the Games. So my ass better be bigger than theirs. And has an appetite. Ladies, be strong. Be confident. Show the world what you are made of!
Now enough about women. Let’s eat. Chocolate that is. Oh, and if you’re going to let me know that Enjoy Life isn’t paleo and is filled with sugar, believe me, I know. I do not care. Kthanxbye.
Chocolate Coconut Bark
- Yield: 8+ 1x
Ingredients
- 1 cup coconut butter
- 1 1/2 cup Enjoy Life Chocolate Chips or dark chocolate chips
- 1/2 cup unsweetened shredded coconut
- pinch of salt
Instructions
- Pull out a 8×8 glass baking dish.
- Add your chocolate chips to dish and throw in the microwave for about 1:00, being sure to mix the chocolate chips if needed to be sure they do not burn. If you are a microwave nazi, use a double boiler to melt your chocolate. It’s your chocolate and your world. Do it up.
- Once chocolate is fully melted, add your coconut butter and shredded coconut and thoroughly mix.
- Use a spoon to spread mixture out evenly in your baking dish.
- Top everything off with a sprinkle of salt on top.
- Put in the freezer for around 45 minutes or more, the use your hands or a knife to chop your bark into pieces.
- Consume!
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You May Also Like:
Granola Krunch Chocolate Bark (nut free)
Thanksgiving Treat: Pomegranate Coconut Chocolate Bark
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Will I get fat just by looking at these??? So want them, but so can’t 🙁 Can’t wait till I loose this fat from my body grrrr
It’s all about moderation Carmen!
Holy freakin cow this is DELICIOUS! Thank you, thank you for your amazing recipes. My boyfriend and I have gone Paleo for about a month now and we love it! Thanks for making Paleo an awesome experience!
I am on Day 2 of my own personal challenge to eat paleo. I stumbled onto your site on Pinterest and you have completely made my afternoon. Your recipes look and sound amazing (this one will have to wait until my thirty days are up. Boo.), and your blogs are hilarious and true. I used to want to be skinny soooo badly. I lost 40 pounds and the amount of strength I gained getting there was amazing. I now aim to be STRONG. I just ran a half marathon two weeks ago and two women who were running ahead of me had shirt that said, “Strong is the new beautiful.” I loved it. 🙂
My husband and I just started CrossFit and are trying to eat Paleo! Yay! I am so bummed because I am allergic to coconut and so many of your amazing recipes call for coconut. I have seen some alternatives for other coconut products but what is an alternative for the coconut cream concentrate?
You can make your own coconut butter!! There is a recipe for it in the ingredients!
Can you use coconut mana in place of the coconut cream concentrate? I’m really trying find legit home-made power bars to take with me to school & what not. Thanks!
yes
Perfect to have on hand in frig. Last forever. I keep for when something quick.mloooove these!,
You are awesome and hilarious, rant on girlfriend! Had a girl say that I was too muscular……..its called fit, asshole!
So I basically made fudge… I didn’t have coconut cream concentrate, so used coconut milk. It wasn’t bark for the recommended 45 minutes so I left in freezer for hours. I accidentally bought enjoy life semi sweet chocolate vs UNsweetened at whole foods. And the unsweetened shredded coconut I thought I had in my cabinet turned out to be sweetened…I’m new to paleo but pretty sure this isn’t. Don’t hate me. Let it slide. I love plantains too!
this looks delish. Coconut + chocolate is a match made in heaven!
I don’t suppose you have a weight measurement for the choc chips? In Australia our choc chips are non melty ones for adding to cookies, so I’ll need to buy some dark choc to try this recipe out.
Thanks 🙂
Okay, this was my favorite desert I think I have ever made! It was so so easy and will be awesome to bring to holiday parties or wherever! You could do different variations of bark and it would still be easy! Thanks so much!