I heard some funny sh*t the other day. Well, I do every day. I hang out with hilarious men regularly so I’m often holding my crotch in an attempt to not piss myself. But our convo the other day was extra special. We were talking about hot girls, which is a usual topic of conversation, and how b*tches be thinking they’re too big. We have this issue in our little CrossFit community of ours. Women are afraid of getting too big. Too bulky. Big traps. Blah blah blah. Ok it’s time to get something straight ladies:
- You are not going to get bulky. Lifting weights does not make you bulky. This makes you strong. Strong does not mean bulky. You know what makes you bulky? Cinnamon rolls. Yep, I would know.
- Muscles are sexy. They just are. Why do you think we all are slightly in love with Jessica Biel and/or Cameron Diaz? Because they have muscles. Duh.
- Having traps does not make you look manly. It give your shirt something to rest on. No traps = sinking shoulder dents from your bra straps. That’s gross. Do you want to be gross? Of course you don’t.
- Lifting weights makes you physically able, therefore, more attractive. Good dudes like girls that can hold their own. A girl who can pick sh*t up on her own and lift heavy sh*t over her head is wicked cool…a dude who isn’t into that is a douche bag and a p*ssy. You shouldn’t be into that kind of guy, ladies. Just trust me.
- And this is how a dude sees a woman who talks about not wanting to get bigger…in the words of my guy friend, whiny voice included, “I just want my arms to look skinny fat. I want my arms to look extra flaccid in my dress.”
After hearing that, I almost peed myself then was quite happy to know that I was around men who have high standards in their women. And want a woman that is strong. Has traps. And can hold her own. I love my guy friends.
Sorry I had to go on a rant. I’m sick of hearing that from girls. Especially when I’m bigger than all of them. My ass could literally swallow them up. But that’s because I want to make it to the Games. So my ass better be bigger than theirs. And has an appetite. Ladies, be strong. Be confident. Show the world what you are made of!
Now enough about women. Let’s eat. Chocolate that is. Oh, and if you’re going to let me know that Enjoy Life isn’t paleo and is filled with sugar, believe me, I know. I do not care. Kthanxbye.
Chocolate Coconut Bark
- Yield: 8+ 1x
Ingredients
- 1 cup coconut butter
- 1 1/2 cup Enjoy Life Chocolate Chips or dark chocolate chips
- 1/2 cup unsweetened shredded coconut
- pinch of salt
Instructions
- Pull out a 8×8 glass baking dish.
- Add your chocolate chips to dish and throw in the microwave for about 1:00, being sure to mix the chocolate chips if needed to be sure they do not burn. If you are a microwave nazi, use a double boiler to melt your chocolate. It’s your chocolate and your world. Do it up.
- Once chocolate is fully melted, add your coconut butter and shredded coconut and thoroughly mix.
- Use a spoon to spread mixture out evenly in your baking dish.
- Top everything off with a sprinkle of salt on top.
- Put in the freezer for around 45 minutes or more, the use your hands or a knife to chop your bark into pieces.
- Consume!
_____________
You May Also Like:
Granola Krunch Chocolate Bark (nut free)
Thanksgiving Treat: Pomegranate Coconut Chocolate Bark
_____________
Click Here To Get All My PaleOMG Recipes Into Your Meal Planner With Real Plans!
I may be compensated through my affiliate links in this post, but all opinions are my own. This compensation helps with expenses to keep this blog up and running!
mmmmh jessica biel…..
forgot what i was saying……..
oh yeah chicks + mucsles = sweet
Scha-whinnnnng!
oh sh*t yeah
I added chili flakes because to the recipe because I’m a speshel snowflake. It was too freaking good.
i finally am able to squat and bench pressing my bodyweight.
I might not be able to find a pair of jeans that can fit because my waist is like 2 sizes smaller than my thighs and ass but I don’t care because am queen of the mesomorphs and if I ever had to save myself from a burning building I could do it!!!
Oh hells yeah Jen!!
You know what we Crossfit chicks need? We need a fashion designer. That way when ours waists are size X and our butts and thighs are size Z, we actually can have jeans that still look HOT AMAZING on us, since we spend quality time to get to looking this hot anyway.
Hello Rena!!! YOU should be the fashion designer!! make that money!!!
Ok quick question. Where and how much coconut butter? Seems the recipe is missing that part. I have everything to make it i just wanna get it right
There is a link on the recipe and onto the side bar of the page under ‘products i love’ for coconut cream concentrate which is the same as coconut butter. OR you can make your own!!
Thanks. I actually read that after i posted, Ive had this up for a few days and never refreshed it so i didnt see all the comments
LMFAO…… “a dude who isn’t into that is a douche bag and a p*ssy”
You understand me Kevin
O.M.G I love all your recipes but ive got a eeriness for chocolate bark.. and this one did me in!!!
Hells yeah Kristin!!
Weakness *** oy
I am eating this right now. I think I died and went to heaven. My love handles will tell me otherwise tomorrow :). SO amazing!
My love handles grow no matter what I eat. #f*cklovehandlesthosebitches
I love my traps. I recently got a PT job at a normal gym and hey gave me a T-Shirt to wear, ughhh, I asked for a singlet so I could show my hard earned traps off,
Where else but a CrossFit box can you talk about and be proud of your big arse, just fantastic
Keep up the great work
Oh sh*t yeah Veronica. That’s why I feel uncomfortable outside of the gym, ass is not appreciated outside of the CrossFit population lol
my husband just made this yesterday. OMG! Plus I have another friend who’s gonna make this. Love, love, love your blogs & rants. My husband loves to cook so he also did the Meatballs/ w mango sauce & the stuffed sweet potatoes for Super Bowl. I especially love the stuffed sweet potatoes. Keep them comig!!!
I wish i had coconut bark supplied at all times. Glad you liked it Lori!
Dude. I’m bedridden (sorta) with a wrecked back from a car accident. Your blog is making me LOL way too much. Almost had a few accidents.
Juli, you are bad for me. That is all!!!
Lol I love peeing the bed