Becoming a CrossFit Coach & Athlete – Episode 20: PaleOMG Uncensored Podcast

After a tough week, I was really stuck with what to talk about on the podcast. I wasn’t feeling very inspired. But something that did inspire me and truly changed my life was CrossFit. So I decided to talk a little bit about that and explain why I became a CrossFit coach and competitor, and why I’m still contemplating if I should renew my certification or not this  year.

Links from post:

• CrossFit.com
• CrossFit certifications
• LipSmart Moisturizing Treatment (I misspoke in the podcast saying it was LipSense – that’s a totally different product and I apologize! – LipSmart is what I meant because it’s THE BEST!)
• FasciaBlaster for Cellulite – A reader recommended that I check this out for cellulite. I literally just bought it yesterday online so I haven’t received it yet, but I’m excited to try it and let you know what I think!

[powerpress]

Today’s podcast is sponsored by Aaptiv! Aaptiv is a fitness app gives you custom workouts with the voice of an elite trainer and an amazing playlist, walking you through the class or workout or training session! They have unlimited workouts such as race training, ab workouts, spinning, strength training, and even more! To get motivated or just stay motivated this 2017, try Aaptiv out for FREE for 30 days using the promo code PALEOMG. Sign up here and try it out for 30 days now!

Episode 20

This is Juli Bauer from PaleOMG and you are listening to PaleOMG Uncensored.

1. Updates from Juli [2:13]
2. What’s new on the blog [11:34]
3. How Juli got into Crossfit [17:17]
4. Becoming Crossfit certified [20:07]
5. Time to move on? [28:53]
6. Juli’s Bachelor update [32:26]
7. Something I loved this week [38:47]

Juli Bauer: Well hello there. How you doing? You know what time it is; it’s time to explain what explicit means. Just doing my due diligence here. Just forewarning; PaleOMG Uncensored is explicit because it has strong language, sometimes sexual content; I’m always crossing my fingers for that, and pretty much everything worth listening to. So, if you’re offended easily, our relationship just ain’t going to work. Bye Felicia.

Ok, now we can get started. Now we can move on to the fun stuff! Let’s first chat about today’s sponsor. Aaptiv; if you’ve listened to my last couple of podcasts, I’ve talked about them before. So if you’ve tried them out, please let me know what you think. And if you don’t know about Aaptiv, I’ll tell you all about it! It is a fitness app that blends together a custom playlist with the voice of an elite trainer walking you through a workout. They have unlimited workouts, such as race training, ab workouts, spinning. Really anything you can think of, they have it. And it’s for anyone out there. So if you’re trying to get motivated this year, or stay motivated, you can try out Aaptiv right now for free for 30 days. All you have to do is go to www.aaptiv.com; that’s A-A-P-T-I-V and you can try it out for 30 days using the promo code PaleOMG. That’s P-A-L-E-O-M-G. And if you missed any of that, don’t worry. Just go to www.PaleOMG.com and you can get all the dets there. Easy as that. Easy as pie. So get fit this year. You can do these workouts anywhere; www.aaptiv.com. Let’s get fit together guys.

1. Updates from Juli [2:13]

Ok. Let’s talk about some stuff that’s happening in the PaleOMG world right now, because it’s been an emotional week. F*cking emotional week, and I’m packing on the LBs because of it. Doing a bit emotional eating, if you will. I feel like how I feel, this emotion I feel, is what America is feeling right now. Because based on f*cking social media, that hellhole, the world is not feeling too great.

And I think when the world isn’t feeling too great, they feel like they can just take that anger out on others, and I’m getting that a lot lately. It started just last week, when I was sitting in the Arizona airport about to head back to Colorado; you know, just having a great old time. Just had the best vacation with my husband. You can read about that post, or that vacation on the blog. It was seriously so much fun, you guys. And I had some of the best food of my life in Phoenix. It was f*cking awesome. But anyways.

So, I am sitting in the airport, and I come across the photo of a baby, and this cute little chubby baby is laughing at the cover, like looking at the cover of my cookbook and laughing. Super cute. So I post a picture of this baby and I said, “Even though I’m not a fan of children, I definitely like squishy paleo babies. Especially ones that understand my humor.” Something along those lines. But I just said, I’m not a fan of children. And if you’ve listen to my podcast before; I mean, I did an entire podcast about not being a fan of children, or holding them inside my womb, or birthing them. I’m not a huge fan of children. So I put this post up, and people f*cking freaked out. I had 50 comments in 5 minutes, which was a lot for me; a sh*t ton, and they were all saying that I was going to live a lonely life without a child, that you could replace children with something like black, or Asian, or white, saying that I’m not a fan of a certain race. Um, no people. I’m not a fan of any children of any race, but whatever.

So they’re pretty much calling me a racist. A f*cking racist. So I’m reading these comments, and I’m starting to defend myself; and I’m like, ok what the f*ck am I doing. Erase this photo; there are so many angry mean comments, and it’s a picture of an adorable baby. I’m taking this sh*t down, people are f*cking shitting the bed. I just didn’t want this cute baby’s face tied along with these angry people. F*cking people. So I took the photo down, and then I messaged the woman whose photo it was in the first place, and I messaged her and I was like; “I’m so sorry. I did not mean to offend anybody; I hope I did not offend you. I took the photo down, blah, blah, blah, I’m so sorry.” And we talked for a little bit. She was like, “People can be so ridiculous; not everyone has to like babies. I usually only think mine are cute.”

See. There’s a person saying that she only likes her baby. Or thinks her own baby is cute. People were calling me a f*cking racist. I seriously could not believe it. It was the most ridiculous thing. If I would have said, “I’m not usually a fan of people who sh*t themselves or throw fits in public, or are rude to strangers or who scream,” If I said all that, people would be offended by that, too, so I just clumped that. And they’re like, “You can’t say all children.” Yes I can! All children do that. And I’ve never met a child that I’ve liked 100% of the time. I haven’t found that yet. Because they cry; sorry, that’s what kids do. I’m not hating; whatever. It was just crazy how hurt people were by me saying I’m not a fan of children. I was not blasting their child; I’m sure your own child is really great to you. And I’m sure if I ever had a child, I would f*cking love my f*cking child. But I don’t like any other peoples.

So that was really fun. And then; what else happen? Oh, and then I posted like a normal little fashion photo. And this woman; who, I’d like to preface this, she did apologize afterwards, which was really cool. But I posted this picture; and I’ve found that the worst people in the world are usually the people who comment the most on Facebook. That’s just seems to be the case. But this woman was like; “I don’t know why you have to stand a certain way to enhance your thigh gap.” I think that’s what she said. And like, what? I mean, what is women’s obsession; obsessions! With thigh gap? Who gives a flying f*ck? I don’t ever think about women’s thigh gaps, personally, because I have my own thighs to think about. I never concentrate on anyone else’s. And if I am, I’m thinking about it in a positive light. Like, wow, that girl has really nice legs. But I’m never; I don’t know. I think it’s so weird when people comment about a thigh gap. If you’re one of those people who does that, stop. That’s so weird.

So I asked her; “how would you prefer me to stand, ma’am?” I think I called her sweetheart to be a bit passive aggressive, if you will. My god, TV, stop turning on! I’m trying to watch this show before I started podcasting, I was watching this show on investigation discovery about murders, because that’s what I seem to watch all the time, and that’s why I don’t have children, because they murder their parents. Anyways; it just keeps turning on, I’m trying to pause it. Ok, TV? Get your life together.

But I asked this woman; “how do you want me to stand, sweetheart?” And she never responded. Then she finally responded and apologized. So f*cking good on ya. You’re an actual good human being in the sea of Facebook sourpusses. {laughs} So anyways. People get upset that I’m not a fan of children, and people get upset about the way I stand. It’s just very, very strange. So it’s just been kind of weird lately over on the blog and social media. And I think it does have to do with the world that we’re living in right now, and people are very stressed out and not feeling their best, and taking it out on others. If you’re a person who does that, remember to stop, ok? Because the world doesn’t need you in it like that. We need positive people in this world.

But, so I’ve just been in this weird, weird ass funk ever since all these negative comments. I can’t get on social media anymore. Facebook was created to bring people together, and all I feel like it does is push people apart. Does it bring anybody together? It’s like, “Hey, you’ve been friends with blah, blah, blah for 5 years!” I’m like, I don’t even know who that f*cking person is. I don’t care that I’ve been friends with them for 5 years. Oh, I was friends with that person in high school? I do not give a f*ck. Facebook, that’s all you do. You do not bring people together; I hate you. God, negative Nancy over here.

Every day, I think I’m going to pull myself out of this slump, and I haven’t yet. But we’ll get there guys. We will conquer on; because, Sunday is Super Bowl Sunday, and that means it is the end of football season, and the world is great again! F*ck yeah. I’m going to celebrate by getting myself a gluten free donut. I’ve been planning this for a week at this point. And then I have to go do cool sh*t when everybody is watching the game. Where can I go? I don’t know. I’m going to go somewhere cool. So yeah, it’s going to be great after this weekend. It’s going to be good. I’m not going to eat myself into a slump. I’m going to drink a lot of water so I don’t eat myself into a slump. We’ll see.

2. What’s new on the blog [11:34]

So anyways, guys, that’s what’s been happening over on the blog. Just an update. If you missed anything on www.PaleOMG.com, that’s stupid. Go to my website, because I shared two new recipes this week, including a buffalo chicken soup that is perfect for the Super Bowl; but you can make it at any point. You don’t have to watch football to make it. And then I made these sriracha deviled eggs that also you can make into little football shapes. But f*ck that; make them the other way that look all fancy and like you have your sh*t together. So that’s what’s been going on on the blog.

And I shared 26 outfits in my Instagram roundup post. 26 outfits. That post took me over a week to write, and working on it every single day. They take forever. And then I shared my experience in Phoenix, because it was an awesome vacation. Oh, an update on my husband, because I talked about his beard last week. And a bunch of you wrote in and you were like, “I love my husband’s beard!” Cool. Cool. If you love making out with pubes, that’s your own thing. Me personally, I’m not really into that. So what was really great; he came home last night and went to a new hair place, which it’s called Scotch and something else. It’s not Scotch and Soda, I know that’s like a clothing brand. Scotch and something; but you get a drink while you get your hair done. Have a glass of whiskey while you get your hair done; pretty much his dream place.

So he; shoot. I lost my train of thought. Ok, I’m back at it. {laughs} So he came home, and he had his hair cut, and he’s looking all fly and sh*t, and I glance over, and his beard is trimmed. And now it’s a much more less-pubes region. It’s actually kind of trimmed down, shortened down, little less curly, wavy hairs going on. He has this nice oil in it, keeping it all; I don’t know, just good looking. So we’re back in love again. You know; our marriage was getting a little scary at that point, because I don’t want to make out with pubes. But we’re back on track, and I’m loving him again! Good on him!

So I guess I should have a better attitude because my husband doesn’t look all weird and sketch anymore. I can kiss him again. Relationships are always better when you’re kissing them.

Ok, so today, in this podcast, this whole week, I was like, “What the f*ck am I going to talk about?” I just didn’t have anything that was really sparking my interest; I don’t know, I just haven’t had anything. I even asked for podcast ideas, and I just; it’s probably just my mood that’s just really sucking the life out of me. But, one that I had written down and then someone commented on it was just about Crossfit, and how I started getting into Crossfit and how I became a Crossfit coach. And I thought this was kind of perfect timing, because my Crossfit cert is up in the next month or so, and I’d been going back and forth and back and forth about if I wanted to recertify. Because it’s; you know, I’ve been coaching for over 5, maybe 6 years at this point. I had my Crossfit level 1 and my Crossfit level 2, and it was my first main job. And then I started doing the blogging thing, and I just kept with coaching because I love being around people, I love coaching, I love seeing them improve, and I love the gym that I work at. I love it so much. But as my cert gets closer, I haven’t booked the certification yet, but as my cert gets closer, I’m questioning if I should even really do it. Because my www.PaleOMG.com is my real business, and I should be concentrating on that even more if want to continue to get better at that. So I’m like between a rock and a hard place; I still love Crossfit and I’m not ending Crossfit and I love the gym that I coach at and workout at; I just don’t know if I want to recertify and go through the process, because I don’t know how much longer I’ll really be doing it.

So, yeah. I thought I could talk about how I came to Crossfit, competing in Crossfit, and Crossfit coaching, kind of just what I’ve learned over the years. So I don’t even know if this podcast will be interesting to most people, or if it will even been longer than 4 minutes. But you’ve got to get a podcast up; I’ve got to get this sh*t up! And I totally need to record another podcast with a guest. Because that was so much fun. I loved having Cassy on. She’s just the most adorable thing ever.

3. How Juli got into Crossfit [17:17]

So, I kind of got into Crossfit; and I know I’ve talked about this a little bit on the blog before, but I was in college at the time and I had a boyfriend who would work out. He would come in and workout for 20-30 minutes, be drenched in sweat, and was ripped, and I wanted to look like that {laughs}. So he showed me Crossfit.com, and I remember trying to do a first workout with him. I couldn’t do a pull-up, and he pretty much had to push me up. It was more of a workout; for me to do pull-ups, it was more of a workout for him than it was for me, for me to do a pull-up {laughs} because I could not physically move. I literally could not move at all. And then I remember doing a first workout with him, and it had burpees in it, and I started, and I was like, “What the f*ck” after 5 I’m like, no way. No way am I doing this.

So I lost interest in it; didn’t really look at it probably for another 6 months. That boyfriend at the time was in really good shape; so I was like, ok well I can’t workout with him, I can’t stay working out with him, I suck. {laughs} So I started working out in a small gym by myself that was by my house, and I started doing these workouts. And I would look at Crossfit.com, and I would modify them how I could. So I would first look at mostly bodyweight workouts; so it would be like pushups, air squats, lunges; I would just look for things that I could either do or modify to be able to do. And I would modify those workouts how I needed to.

So I would; instead of doing regular pull-ups, I would go on the pull-up bar machine; the assisted pull-up bar machine. I did air squats, I did pushups on my knees, and I just kind of started getting in better shape and feeling strength increase, and then I started getting a little bit more daring and I would start teaching myself more lifts. So I remember starting with kettlebell swings and then moving on to more barbell work, and I would just watch YouTube videos. I would just YouTube whatever was on the Crossfit website that day, and I would YouTube it and I would look at tutorials, so I just started teaching myself how to do those movements, whatever they were. And then every time I did a workout, I would jump rope for 20 minutes after the workout, because I really wanted to get good at double unders. So I would work out, and then do 20 minutes of jump rope work.

4. Becoming Crossfit certified [20:07]

So I continued to do this, and continued to start to see advancements, and my body started to change; and I was just hooked to it. I just loved it. And my senior year of college, I wanted; it was my, let me see, I think my summer year of college; my senior summer year, and I was living up there the rest of the summer before I started an internship, and I decided to join a Crossfit gym. I was obviously a college student, I was broke as f*ck at the time, and I made it work. I figured out how to be able to pay for it, I pinched my pennies, I didn’t drink anymore, I didn’t go out so I was able to pay for a gym.

So once I was able to pay for a gym, I was able to lift more often, and had coaches helping me out. And these coaches were new too, because Crossfit was pretty new at that point, so we were all kind of learning along the way, as well. And within that month of starting at that gym, I had really no intention of competing in Crossfit, but I went to, I believe it was sectionals back then, and saw girls competing, and I was like; ok, I totally want to do this. Maybe I’ll just give it a try.

So within a month of starting Crossfit at that gym, I began training for competition. I think I did competition 2 months in of working out at that gym. I think I finished, I don’t know, 27th or something, and it was just this small competition up in northern Colorado. And not long after that, I competed in a bigger competition. And I was just hooked. I loved it. I loved the feeling of getting sick to your stomach, you’re so sick with nerves. It just reminded me of my days when I used to swim and I had nervous breakdowns before races. I just love that excitement; I love that adrenaline. It just made me so excited to go into the gym every single day.

When I was working out at a gym, after I’d moved down back to Denver after college, I was working out at a gym and I would go there usually twice a day, and the coach there was like; why don’t you get your cert? I’ll pay for your cert, because I was totally broke. I was like, I can’t afford a cert. I don’t know if you’ve looked at the Crossfit.com certs, but they’re like $1000 a f*cking pop; so they’re a pretty penny. So I was like, I don’t have $1000. He was like, I’ll pay for it and then you can work off the money; work as many classes to work it off. So I was like; sweet, yeah, let’s do it. He paid for my cert; I went and got my cert in Golden, Colorado where I grew up. And then I started coaching at that gym.

I was so nervous when I started coaching, but I really think it was what shaped me to become who I am today, that I’m able to talk in groups, I’m confident with how I speak, that I’m confident with who I am because when you’re coaching, you have to own the class and you have to show that you’re there; because people just dick around, especially if you’re in a group of a bunch of friends, people will just dick around as much as they can. So you really have to dominate the group, and that’s what Crossfit taught me.

So I started coaching, and I coached at that gym, and then I started coaching at 2 gyms, and then I started coaching at 3 gyms, and then it was 4 at one point, and I think I was coaching at 5 different gyms all at once when my internship; I had a part-time job after my internship with Coors Wellness Center over in Golden. And then once that ended, I was like; well, I’ve got to figure out money. So I was working at 5 Crossfit gyms, barely; I mean, making way below the poverty line. I was making absolutely no money at all, but I was having so much fun. I was hanging out with all my friends every single day. Going to a coffee shop whenever we wanted to; all these people were working on offices and I was getting to live how I want to live every single day, which is competing in Crossfit, and coaching people, and hanging out with my friends. It was f*cking awesome; I loved it. I loved every second of it.

In the meantime, I started www.PaleOMG.com and started doing that, obviously. But the coaching was really what opened me up into a new world of just being in love with fitness; not just because of how it can change you as a person, but how it changes others. I think why I wanted to become a coach and why I stuck with it for so long is because I was so mesmerized by how it changed my life, and I wanted to see that in others; I loved seeing that. That was just so cool.

So, during that process of coaching, I was competing as well, a ton, and I did a ton of different competitions. I went to regionals twice. The way I did that was working out all the time. Back then, there wasn’t like a ton of people who had actual coaching; it was mostly just people working out with their friends and figuring sh*t out as they went. Nowadays for Crossfit, you know you have these crazy athletes who come from incredibly competitive backgrounds, and for me I was like; I just am working out and I’m working out all the time. That’s the only way I know to get better at something, is to do it constantly. And that’s the way it has been with my blog, and that’s the way it was with fitness. The more I worked out, the better I got with things, the better my stamina was, the better my strength was. So I worked out all day every day, and it really got me where I wanted to be.

And for the longest time, I wanted to make it to the games. {laughs} And yeah, go to the games; the Crossfit games. And the more I started watching the Crossfit games, the less I wanted to go, because f*ck. That sh*t sucks nowadays. It’s not like the old days of; what, 2009 or even before that when they were doing 65-pound thrusters and they think that’s the worst thing; and now they probably do 125-pound thrusters. The world of Crossfit has very much changed since I was competing.

Competition really just showed me; competition and coaching really just showed me the more that you stick with something; the better you’re going to get at it. I always wanted to get better at coaching. So I had my level 1, and then I took my level 2, and then I had my Crossfit kid cert. I know. Believe me, I did not want to take that cert; I was forced into it. Somebody had to pull out at our gym and so they forced me to take it. And it was actually a really fun class. That was probably the best cert I took, so go you, Crossfit kids. Because f*ck, kids suck, and you guys rock, and that was a really fun class.

But, I did mobility stuff; I forget what other courses I took. But I took a bunch of different courses, because I just wanted to get better; not only at my own Crossfit abilities, but I wanted to get better as a coach for other people and improve my coaching. And nowadays, I don’t really care about that as much, because what I want to do is put all my energy into my blog and getting better at recipes and doing new projects that lead to even cooler things for you guys. Hopefully you’re a follower of www.PaleOMG.com. But my whole life; or the whole past 6 years of my life has been all around Crossfit, and now I’m kind of stepping back and seeing that I want to do some other stuff.

5. Time to move on? [28:53]

So I’m just at that point; I just don’t know what I want to do. But yeah, it’s been a cool 6 years. If you’re a person who you’ve thought about trying Crossfit, you absolutely should. If you’re a person who thought about coaching Crossfit or getting your level 1, you totally should. It’s awesome; it’s really, really cool. So I completely recommend it. If you’re a person who Crossfit is not your thing and maybe you’ve been thinking about getting a certification in some sort of other fitness, I highly recommend that. And trying it on the side. I think coaching; anyone teaching classes, coaching someone, doing personal training; it makes you so much more confident because you’re almost forced into it. I felt so uncomfortable when I coached my first classes, and I just didn’t know how to run through a warm-up. I didn’t know how to vocally say how a lift should look and how to go through progressions for a lift. So you’re continually learning that, and because of that you’re forced into a position where you have to maintain authority and maintain confidence even when you don’t feel confident. So it really made me a confident person in other aspects, because I was forced into feeling like; ok, sh*t I’ve got to act like I have my sh*t together even when I’m losing it. And I think in those situations with Crossfit we’ll have a really packed class sometimes, when you’re like; how the f*ck am I going to figure this out; and then you figure it out and that transfers into other life circumstances. Ok, I don’t need to freak out about f*cking everything, because I will figure it out. And Crossfit really helped with that.

So I think if you’ve thought about coaching classes or any sort of fitness classes and thinking about doing that on the side even, or as your fulltime job, you should absolutely go for it. I think fitness is one of the most invigorating things someone can have, and if you can bring that excitement to another person, it’s so satisfying. It’s such a cool feeling, and seeing people improve and seeing them happy that they hit a new one-rep max, that it brightens up their entire day, that’s so fulfilling. It’s really cool, so I highly recommend that.

But I wish I would have asked people questions to see what you wanted to hear on the podcast. But if you have any sort of questions about becoming Crossfit certified or trying Crossfit out, feel free to ask away. I wish I could tell you ways to compete, but I just f*cking worked out a lot and just kept lifting heavier because I was lifting with dudes all the time, and they made me do it, and I would cry during a workout. That’s how I competed. By crying a lot. Similar to how I felt this week.

But if you guys have any sort of questions, feel free to ask them on the blog www.PaleOMG.com. Because I’d love to answer them there. Sorry this is a short podcast today. But hopefully I have some good stuff planned for you; I can think of some cool podcast ideas.

6. Juli’s Bachelor update [32:26]

Oh, you know what we should go through before we go? Before I shut the hell up, and you’re like, “Juli you told me nothing today except having a therapeutic session.” Well, if you’re not here for therapy, I don’t know what you’re here for.

But, we could talk about the Bachelor real quick. Because the Bachelor was absolutely terribly boring this week, so it was really not worth talking about. But I’m going to anyways, because I’ve got to fill time, you know. I’ve got to talk about something. Do you hate me? Don’t hate me. I’m just joking. I’m just joshing, guys!

Ok, so let’s quickly just do a rundown of the week. And if you’re not a Bachelor fan, get your life together, but feel free to skip here. So, Rachel and Nick; you can see this full rundown, actually, on www.PaleOMG.com. I actually give you a full rundown every Tuesday afterwards in my recipe. So this week, Nick and Rachel’s date was Ubers of boring. People are obsessed with Rachel because she’s normal; but I find it incredibly boring. And she talked about how oysters were an aphrodisiac, and that weirds me out; because Rachel, if you need an aphrodisiac at this point on your first official date with this boring human being, it’s probably time to move on. Just saying.

The group date was the stupidest thing I’ve seen. It was in a haunted house in New Orleans; and f*ck no to haunted houses. I’m not cool with haunted houses, the last time I went to a haunted house I pissed myself and I’m not joking. I completely peed myself, and I’m not a person who pees during double unders or during lifts. Everything is kept in there, and then when I was scared, it all came out. So, you know, they’re on this group date. Everyone is just acting like; “Oh this is so funny!” It’s not funny. And they’re like, “Oh, look at this Ouija board I just pulled out from behind me. Weird, I just found this.” Ok, whatever. Someone is moving it on the board. I can’t. Nobody; I would not be in there. I would run the hell out of there. It’s stupid. Has nobody seen a scary movie? They’re like, “Oh this is funny! There’s a child running around!” F*ck no. get me out of here. Bye. Bye Nick; I don’t know want to be on this show anymore.

And Raven; Raven who was actually probably in her element, because she looks like Wednesday Addams, she told him, on this group date, by the way, at a haunted house. She’s literally Wednesday Addams; that she is in love with him. In love. This is after just last week she told Nick that she caught her ex-boyfriend cheating on her, and she saw into the girl’s vagina. Are you; like, ok. Ok Wednesday Addams. Get your sh*t together. You cannot say you’re in love with Nick. He is so boring; you’re not in love with him.

Ok. God I’m so b*tchy. Ok, anyways. The last date. So of course we all knew that the two on one date was going to be Corrine and Taylor; and we knew Taylor would go home. Corrine had to stay a little bit longer. There was no way he was going to sent Corrine home; the producers were not going to like that. And you know, they’re in the swamps. They’re in the swamps, and they leave Taylor behind. But it was nowhere near as good as; remember Ashley and Kelsie; when they left Kelsie in the desert, and the helicopter is flying away. And then, was it Ben’s season when Olivia was left behind, literally in a hurricane. She was left behind in a hurricane, and that girl did not look good as a wet dog crying her eyes out in a hurricane.

So Taylor gets left behind in the bush with alligators. But the best part, they’re getting in the boat, the two of them as they’re going on this date. They get in the boat; and this guy hops in, and they’re like, “Oh, jeeze.” This guy hops in, literally this guy is out of the show Alaskan Bush People. Look it up; he is, this guy who is driving the boat. We only get to see him for a split second, but he was the star of the night. Yeah. Look it up, you guys. That show; I tried to watch it. It’s the f*cking worst.

So, Taylor gets the boot. Corrine gets to stay. It looks like Taylor is coming back for her revenge Chad style. Boring; it’s already been done, Taylor, you can’t do it again. So anyways. It looks like Nick cries his eyes out the next episode. Thank god, because we’re bored to tears, as well Nick. So bring on the waterworks; whatever you need to do. So I can’t wait to see what next week brings. Hopefully it’s something better. And hopefully Rachel doesn’t get the boot and becomes the next Bachelorette; because I think she is just as boring as Nick.

But you know what; I’m going to bring the positive around. I don’t really know what to say positive about that date other than that guy in the Alaskan Bush People hair-do. That was the best part honestly. But I’ll find something positive to talk about. I’m going to do this; I love My Favorite Murder, the podcast, and they always, at the end of their show to bring it back around; bring it back up again, they talk about something that they loved this week.

7. Something Juli loved this week [38:47]

So I’m going to talk about what I loved. I’m going to bring it back around. There is some positivity in this week in the form of Botox. I just went to my Botox lady; I hadn’t been in a long time. I really needed to get these wrinkles to stop working their way on my forehead, because if you’ve seen my Snapchat, I tend to be a bit elaborate with my facial movements. So I went to see my Botox lady. Shoot the sh*t with her, and it was my first time meeting with her because I moved places from my last one. So it was my first time meeting with her. We’re best friends. We’re just long lost lovers.

But as we’re hanging out there, talking about Botox, working its way in, I see this little set up with this product called LipSense. And I ask her about it immediately because I feel like I use every single chapstick in the history of time, and no matter what; even with Aquaphor, my lips get drier, I swear to god that every chapstick makes my lips dryer. So I bought this LipSense stuff, and it’s made for cancer patients and people who are on Accutane; or for me, after Accutane. And I put it on, and it’s like sex on your lips. It feels so good, it’s awesome. I put it on once that day and didn’t have to use it the rest of the day. My lips never felt dry; they never were screaming for mercy. They felt awesome. So this new product has really turned around my day.

And, because I mentioned this on the last podcast, I thought I would mention it here. I talked about cellulite on the last podcast, and somebody mentioned that I look at, what’s it called, the fascia blaster. So looked it up; looked about, I don’t know what it’s called, fascia something. Fasciitis, I don’t know what it is. But it’s this little tool by this woman Ashley Black; her name is Ashley Black Guru. And it’s like, I don’t know, put your hand out like it’s a claw, and imagine 4 of those claws on a little stick. So you rub this little stick with little claw looking things on your skin to break up the fascia and it helps with fat distribution and whatever it’s called, and breaking up the tissue and cellulite, whatever.

So I don’t know if it’s going to work, but I bought it because I like f*cking trying things and telling you guys about it and doing before and afters. Because somebody has got to try it and test it out and tell the truth. So I bought it. It’s like; what did it say, it said like 1 to 5 weeks out. Cool range. So I haven’t gotten it yet. But I’m going to try that out and see what it does for the old cellulite, and tell you guys about it.

So that’s what happened in my week, guys. Those are the positive. Cellulite issue and lip issue. Hopefully both solved. So I’ll link those what I’m talking about; what the hell I’m even talking about here. Don’t worry, I’ll link those in the blog post. But that’s all I have for you today. The podcast was pretty much about me being emotional, and a bit about coaching Crossfit. But hey, that’s pretty much what this podcast is.

So if you have any podcast topics that you’d like me to cover, feel free to shoot them over. I was going to set up an interview with my girlfriend Vanessa soon; and it’s not Vanessa from the Bachelor, sorry to disappoint. It’s actually someone 10 billion times better. She writes the blog Clean Eating with a Dirty Mind, and she’s a doll face. So I was going to interview her. I should text her and see if we can actually set that up.

So that’s what I have planned. But if you have any podcast topics you’d like me to cover, or you just want to shoot the sh*t with me, or you want to ask a question, head to www.PaleOMG.com. Please do not email me because I hate email and I refuse to look at them for at least a month, and then I can’t get through them because I hate them. Just comment on my blog. And then we’ll be best friends and kiss. Ok? Does that sound cool? Ok cool.

It’s been real guys. I hope you have a wonderful weekend. I hope you celebrate the end of football season with a f*cking bang. Hopefully with a gluten free donut bang. That sounds weird.

Oh, before we go. There’s a commercial right now that’s for a product that you spray into your toilet before you poop, and then it locks the scent, the poop scent into the toilet so you don’t have that left behind smell that everybody just; it’s just wonderful to walk into. But in the commercial, she sprays this spray and what goes into the toilet? Chocolate donuts. It’s like these chocolate donuts floating around in the toilet. I think this brand is Airwick, maybe. I don’t know, but you should look it up. It makes me feel weird, and it’s gross that I’m still craving a donut after seeing this commercial multiple times. But it’s just how it is. You can’t take the donut out of the girl. Whatever that means.

Ok, I’m going to get back to my investigation discovery channel, and thinking that the whole world is out to get me. I hope you enjoy your weekend. Do cool stuff, and if you want to be a really kind doll face, you can rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast on iTunes, or wherever you listen to your podcast. And remember to only leave good reviews, because the world is full of enough negative ones. We don’t need to spread the negativeness, do we? Do we? I’m sorry, we do not. I just stole that I’m sorry from My Favorite Murder. I hope it’s not trademarked.

Ok, I’m going to get out of here guys. Be awesome. I’ll see you next week. Peace!

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