I heard some funny sh*t the other day. Well, I do every day. I hang out with hilarious men regularly so I’m often holding my crotch in an attempt to not piss myself. But our convo the other day was extra special. We were talking about hot girls, which is a usual topic of conversation, and how b*tches be thinking they’re too big. We have this issue in our little CrossFit community of ours. Women are afraid of getting too big. Too bulky. Big traps. Blah blah blah. Ok it’s time to get something straight ladies:
- You are not going to get bulky. Lifting weights does not make you bulky. This makes you strong. Strong does not mean bulky. You know what makes you bulky? Cinnamon rolls. Yep, I would know.
- Muscles are sexy. They just are. Why do you think we all are slightly in love with Jessica Biel and/or Cameron Diaz? Because they have muscles. Duh.
- Having traps does not make you look manly. It give your shirt something to rest on. No traps = sinking shoulder dents from your bra straps. That’s gross. Do you want to be gross? Of course you don’t.
- Lifting weights makes you physically able, therefore, more attractive. Good dudes like girls that can hold their own. A girl who can pick sh*t up on her own and lift heavy sh*t over her head is wicked cool…a dude who isn’t into that is a douche bag and a p*ssy. You shouldn’t be into that kind of guy, ladies. Just trust me.
- And this is how a dude sees a woman who talks about not wanting to get bigger…in the words of my guy friend, whiny voice included, “I just want my arms to look skinny fat. I want my arms to look extra flaccid in my dress.”
After hearing that, I almost peed myself then was quite happy to know that I was around men who have high standards in their women. And want a woman that is strong. Has traps. And can hold her own. I love my guy friends.
Sorry I had to go on a rant. I’m sick of hearing that from girls. Especially when I’m bigger than all of them. My ass could literally swallow them up. But that’s because I want to make it to the Games. So my ass better be bigger than theirs. And has an appetite. Ladies, be strong. Be confident. Show the world what you are made of!
Now enough about women. Let’s eat. Chocolate that is. Oh, and if you’re going to let me know that Enjoy Life isn’t paleo and is filled with sugar, believe me, I know. I do not care. Kthanxbye.
Chocolate Coconut Bark
- Yield: 8+ 1x
Ingredients
- 1 cup coconut butter
- 1 1/2 cup Enjoy Life Chocolate Chips or dark chocolate chips
- 1/2 cup unsweetened shredded coconut
- pinch of salt
Instructions
- Pull out a 8×8 glass baking dish.
- Add your chocolate chips to dish and throw in the microwave for about 1:00, being sure to mix the chocolate chips if needed to be sure they do not burn. If you are a microwave nazi, use a double boiler to melt your chocolate. It’s your chocolate and your world. Do it up.
- Once chocolate is fully melted, add your coconut butter and shredded coconut and thoroughly mix.
- Use a spoon to spread mixture out evenly in your baking dish.
- Top everything off with a sprinkle of salt on top.
- Put in the freezer for around 45 minutes or more, the use your hands or a knife to chop your bark into pieces.
- Consume!
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You May Also Like:
Granola Krunch Chocolate Bark (nut free)
Thanksgiving Treat: Pomegranate Coconut Chocolate Bark
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Jeesh almighty this looks amazing – Does it count as a cheat though for the Paleo Challenge?
Hmmmmm that’s up to you Jeanne…I would say yes haha
DAMN MY DAY. 😀
SWEET JESUS. This looks amazing.
P.S. Your posts are flippin’ hilarious. I love it. And, I WAS one of those girls that worried about getting too big. Little did I know, I’d shrink when I did crossfit. Imagine that. I love being strong!! Thanks for all your kicka$$ recipes.
Thanks so much Gina!! Really appreciate your support!!
You rock- from a scrappy girl like myself who has always worked her butt off to get the muscles and then hear from women- “oh you’re so skinny- I wish I could have hips like that”, I love this perspective. It always pisses me off when guys want to do stuff for me because I’m small (its important to be able to kick a*s and take names…but then again I’m single too…:D kicked too many butts I guess?)
This looks awesome, I don’t do sugar, but I can totally appreciate the gratuitous chocolate drool shot.
Don’t do sugar Meredith?! My chocolate rants must annoy you lol. Thanks so much for reading my blog post even with the lack of sugar in your life!
OMG you never fail to crack my shit up!!! Reading this, lying in bed before I got up to pee = not a good idea. Almost had “an accident.” We also hear this at our Box. One of the ladies that I LOVE in our group (we have a weekday workout that is almost alway only women – it rocks), a couple months ago, was pointing to the side of her arm and said “What are these divets from??” I almost peed myself then also but instead responded, “Um, you mean the MUSCLES??” Then got out trainer’s attention (who brings new meaning to chick with guns) and we had a fabulous laugh about it – and my friend now knows they are muscles and they are hawt! 😉
Oh and the recipe looks yum 😛
You should definitely try it Vita!!
haha! great post!! Hearing “… but I don’t want to bulk up…” drives me nuts!!
First time on your blog. Wicked looking recipes and love the humour. I’ll be back! thanks:)
Thanks so much!! Glad I got you coming back hopefully sometime soon 🙂
So excited to see this recipe and to read that some men have standards!! Here is another recipe for paleo “candy bars” just in case you ever need to switch it up!!
Paleo Candy Bars
3 to 4 tbsp. coconut oil
1/4 cup carob powder or cocoa
1/2 cup ground nuts
3/4 cup dried shredded coconut
1 tbsp. (or more) of honey
Step 1) Melt the honey and oil in saucepan on stove
Step 2) Add carob/cocoa & nuts & coconut
Step 3) Form into a square by dumping into a small baking sheet and refrigerate or freeze until hard
Step 4) Cut and eat!
I make a double batch most of the time but that often leads to me consuming waaaay more than I need!!
Love it!! Thanks for the recipe Tricia!
I stumbled across your blog on some random follow-a-bunch-of-interesting-sounding-links session and I’m sooo glad I did. You’re hilarious. And so right. I wonder if this attitude will ever change. Who knows!
And this recipe looks real good.Is the coconut cream concentrate similar to coconut butter? Or am I totally off on that?
Coconut cream concentrate and coconut butter are just the same!! You’re spot on girl!
Mmmmm, more chocolate! After getting my ass handed to me this weekend at the WODfest by Jake and Jason, I actually feel a little better about it now knowing that we have the same taste in women. “flaccid, skinny fat arms” may be my new favorite descriptive term. Good stuff!
Lol i knew you would appreciate their comments Damon. And you didn’t get your ass handed to you. You kicked ass and looked good doing it!
Omg thank you for this! I’ve been dealing with family members who don’t understand crossfit and keep telling me I’m going “hulk out” and become super masculine. So happy I can point them to your hysterical but so-true post 🙂
Btw I’m totally loving your blog — I spent an entire afternoon at work reading through the archives and chuckling uncontrollably in my cubicle. (Made my coworkers nearly as uncomfortable as the time they caught me inhaling almond butter straight from the jar.)
I officially love you Maggie! Thanks so much for checking out my blog!!
loved your rant I have to say. I have zero fear of gaining muscles- that’s why I go to crossfit in the first place!