Thank god I go to acupuncture starting tomorrow. My stress levels are through the roof lately. The change of birth control has made me a legitimate nightmare. Then our internet went out this morning so I was forced to contact our internet provider and sit on a phone recording and press numbers to get to a human. Who barely spoke english, spoke quieter than a sloth, and who couldn’t find our account. How can you not find out account when I’m giving you the serial number for the router?! How is that f*cking possible? So I’m forced to a coffee shop down the street, in my pajamas (my eyebrows aren’t even filled in yet!!), because my entire life is provided to me via the internet. But the thing is, I have some ice cream to start churning. And beef to start sizzling. Because if you don’t have beef or ice cream, you might just say “eff this b*tch.” Probably not, but you know what I’m saying.

Actually, you probably don’t. Because you’re not hopped up on hormones that are destroying your brain. I think it’s time for a new child preventative option.

Since I’m forced to work at a coffee shop, I am now next to a guy who is yodeling. Yodeling, people.

I’m disappointed with ABC. Come on, bro. You’re towards the end of this season of The Bachelor and the best part of the entire show was the bloopers at the end. Women fighting off bugs was the best part. You’re slacking. The only slightly entertaining yet disappointing part of the entire show was the date working at McDonald’s…are you f*cking kidding me ABC? You’re the worst. Sure, I get it, they’re paying you good money as a sponsor of the show. But that was the best thing you could come up with to do with them? How about bringing that girls children there and letting them play while you both sip out of a milkshake at the same time. BOOM. That day is 100% better than sorting through ketchup packets at the drive through. Hire me as your psycho producer to come up with weird, yet relatable, dates. I only ask for 80 billion a year. Fair deal, if you ask me.

So last night, the fiancé and I met with our good friend Tommy to talk about our big day coming up in 2 months. Becauuuuse he is marrying us! He got his marriage license for this exact reason so we had to talk through the details. And since we have had to do absolutely nothing for our destination wedding, this sh*t seems complicated. Like who walks up when and when he says certain things and how he makes it funny yet sentimental and if church is highly involved or slightly left out. Ok, it’s really not that complicated. Especially when you use condiments to figure out the set up. You can see that on my snapchat. I was the salt. Either way, I’m so excited to see what he decides to say. And wear my wedding dress. And marry this poor man that has had to put up with my psycho self for the past month. I can never get pregnant. He’ll end up divorcing me when the hormones take over and I become this….

alienvpredator_1600

Via

I’m just gonna go make these bars again. They make anything better.

PaleOMG Chocolate Dipped Caramel Nut Bars

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Chocolate Dipped Caramel Nut Bars

4.3 from 4 reviews

  • Yield: 10 bars 1x

Ingredients

Scale

Instructions

  1. Make caramel. Let cool for a couple minutes.
  2. Line an 8×8 baking dish with parchment paper.
  3. Place almonds, walnuts, pistachios, coconut, cranberries and chia seeds in a bowl and toss. Pour 1/2 cup worth of caramel into the bowl with the nuts and toss with a spatula. Pour the nut caramel mixture into the lined dish and spread out until even throughout.
  4. Place in the freezer for 3+ hours. Remove from freezer and cut into bars or squares.
  5. Melt chocolate then dip each bar in the chocolate, using a spoon to press chocolate up on the sides of each bar. Place back on parchment paper and into the fridge for 10+ minutes.
  6. Serve immediately and store in the freezer. (these bars fall apart easily so don’t leave them out too long)

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PaleOMG Chocolate Dipped Caramel Nut Bars

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40 Comments

  1. Victoria Hamtra says:

    Changing birth control is the pits!!






    1. juli says:

      the total pits

  2. Kayla says:

    I cannot wait to make these Juli! These look incredible! Just like the store-bought snack bars but I can customize and I’d prefer to make my own anyways because I know they’re fresh and I know exactly what’s going in them.

    YUM!

    Also – how cool is it that your friend is marrying you and your fiancé? That’s a great idea and totally less awkward then paying someone you don’t know to be a part of your special day.

  3. Pam says:

    I saw these the other day and just had to make them last night! They are almost as amazing as you are! And the caramel… Holy canoles… That is the BEST CARAMEL ON THE PLANET!! Seriously… my daughter wants me to make more for her to spread on her apples!!! She thinks you hang the moon just for creating that recipe and loves me just a little bit more since I made it! Thanks for being awesome and congratulations on your upcoming nuptials!!!????????????????

  4. Cassie Tran says:

    I’d probably eat these bars all day! The caramel and chocolate would just taste like a match made in heaven!






  5. Cara says:

    Ever since I got the copper IUD (hormone free) inserted a month ago, I feel like I need to make a PSA: The insertion DOES NOT hurt that badly! At all! The internet is full of horror stories.

    Stuff that’s worse than an IUD insertion:
    – A charlie horse
    – All the migranes I had while on birth control
    – Barfing. Okay, barfing doesn’t “hurt,” but it’s way more obnoxious than the discomfort of an IUD insertion.
    – Lactic acid fermentation while working out.

    After the procedure, I went back to work. I had some serious bloating for a few days, but it went away. Ain’t no thang. I highly recommend it.

    1. AustinGirl says:

      I had Paraguard for years and LOVED IT. Tell your Dr. that you’re freaked out about the process and see if she will give you halcyon. Mine did and I honestly don’t remember 99% of the process. My husband drove me to/from and then I took a nap for the rest of the day. Kicks the CRAP out of dealing with birth control and the crazy hormones. Plus, when we did decide to have a kiddo, I got pregnant that weekend, so um…no lag time on fertility, if you ever want to give that a go!

  6. Archana says:

    Wonderful recipe. Thanks a lot for sharing this. I will certainly try it and post the feedback here.

    Regards
    Archana






  7. Sabrina says:

    oh yeah I made myself find the time to make these babies. Super delicious. I just have to tell myself to stay away from the freezer!! You were right, they don’t stick together well when left out too long, but honestly its down the hatch in seconds so no issue there. haha. I was also very impatient when I made them given the late hour, and didn’t have 3 hours to wait for them to harden in the freezer before dipping them in the chocolate and refreezing, so I got creative. I lined a mini loaf pan with parchment paper and pressed the mix into each square prob 1.5-2 inches high , then I melted the chocolate and spooned in on top. I put them in the freezer over night and then just popped them out in the morning and cut each square into 2! Voila!! Granola Bars I can feel good about!! (the left over mix I just pressed into a square on a plate and put them in the freezer, minus the chocolate) Thanks a million Julie. You are by far my fav blogger, and girl you got style I could only wish for <3

  8. Nichole says:

    What kind of coconut do you use?

    1. juli says:

      tropical traditions!

  9. Rosy says:

    hello Juli, thank you for sharing this recipe ! I just wanted to ask what can I substitute for maple sugar (from the caramel recipe in your book)? Thank you !!

    1. juli says:

      you could use coconut sugar, the color will just be darker!

  10. Robin says:

    Juli, Please help me!! I cannot get the caramel sauce right. I’m going to admit publicly that I bought your cookbook just for the caramel sauce. But – I can’t make it work. Twice I have ended up with scorched black tar and I thought I was going to have to ditch the pan. Are you using the whole vanilla bean, just the seeds, seeds in/out, is my temp too high, cooking too long. Are you coming to my house to help me? I need caramel sauce. Thanks!

    1. juli says:

      if you’re scorching it, that means you’re either cooking it at a too high temperature and/or for too long. I use just the seeds that i scrape out of the vanilla bean pod. i recommend cooking it at a lower heat and keeping an eye on it the whole time. as soon as you look away, it’s gonna be so don’t take your eyes off of it!