Let me first preface this recipe by telling you something really important here: I LOVE THIS FREAKING RECIPE!! No, I effing love it. It may be one of my favorite dessert recipes of all time. And I tested it out on 5 different people, most of them non-paleo people, and they all loved it. So just make this. Stop questioning it, just do it. After you read my Bachelorette recap duuuuuuuh.
First of all, why the fudge is the Bachelorette not on next week? You mean I have to wait 2 more weeks to see JoJo cry her eyes out for a reason that is completely unapparent to me?? I hate you ABC, I hate you. If I come to find out that some presidential election bullsh*t is on instead of the Bachelorette…oh, you’ll hear about it. Except the election is very similar to the mansion’s dramatic incidents, so I guess it will do.
Anywho, where the hell to start? Last night was one hell of a mess. Chad style. But we will get to that a bit later. Let’s first talk about the super awkward dates.
- Date #1: The sex yoga studio. She told them to have an angergasm. Is that a real thing outside of sex yoga? Think about that for a second. Then the camera zoomed in on the instructors crotch while she hip thrusted and yelled. Is this real life? Then they straddled each other sitting next to the straddling instructors. It was just so f*cking weird. Except I’ve taken a liking to this Chase fella.
- Date #2: Sex improv. All the men had to go on stage and tell their most awkward sex story. Which, obviously, we heard nothing on our end. Don’t take the guys on a date that you aren’t going to share the details from, ABC, ya d*ck!!! And really, who wants to hear about their new lover’s sex life? Answer: only weirdos. Chad may be weird AF, but he was right about not wanting to share his own personal stories. He may have been right about the that, but he was definitely in the wrong when it came to not shooting steroids in his legs. Did you see those little things?! Ah, I’m scared he’s gonna come hunt me down now. No, but seriously.
- Date #3: Farmer Joe guy date. I forget what his name is but I’m a bit of obsessed with his mysterious ways. And his nice figure. I like that he doesn’t smile much, but when he does he’s all adorbs. I don’t know or care what they did on their date, I just remember his cute lil’ bum bum and rugged face. I hope she keeps his cuteness around for a while.
- Date #4: Again, what is with having tasks that one person is a pro at. The firefighter challenge with the firefighter, now the football challenge with the pro football player. How is that fair? I’m surprised Wells and Evan didn’t end up breaking bones. Proud of those lil’ guys!
- Date #5: The epic 2-on-1 date. Battle royale. Whatever the hell that means. Didn’t you just want to punch Chad the entire time but then feel bad about it because you’re mad at him for wanting to resort to violence? That guy has major roid rage. I’ve worked in gyms since I was in college, I know what it looks like. And when Chris Harrison asked him about his steroid use, he said, “It’s not like I could bring them with me here anyways.” His answers are always so solid. So manipulative. He’s a real stand up act.
So obviously Chad took center stage these past two episodes. But he was a bit of a disappointment. He was so so boring, but then he would have these waves of massive anger, but still be boring when he was threatening people. Honestly, he looked like me 2 weeks ago when my birth control sent me into an angry b*tch spiral. Maybe he’s just on birth control. Either way, I’m glad he got the boot. He reminds me of the dude Charlotte from Sex and the City dated for a little bit but then he ended up fighting everyone no matter what the incident. Chad is that guy. He would fight someone at a restaurant for spilling JoJo’s drink. Fo. Sho.
Other things that caught my attention this week: their sweet microphone puka shell necklaces. The creators of that incredibly beautiful jewelry should win an award for outstanding attention to detail. They were magnificent. And what’s up with JoJo bringing up Ben again? He must be watching this and loving the fact that she keeps bringing him up. So awkward. Did you see Chad eat a full baked sweet potato? What an odd thing to eat with your hands. Not saying I haven’t done that at a competition when I forgot utensils, but biting through the skin when you have a knife and fork readily available in a giant mansion, come on bruh. Just odd. Sh*t, I bruh’d him, he’s definitely going to come find me. I wish I could act like I was joking, but a small part of me is definitely scared of the Chad. I would beat him in thigh size, but he would beat me with…anything around him. Ahhhhh.
Now seriously, what’s JoJo crying about in the next coming episode? And WTF am I going to talk about next Wednesday?! Balls.
Chocolate “Peanut Butter” Cookie Bars
- Yield: 12-15 slices 1x
Ingredients
For the shortbread crust
- 1½ cup almond flour
- ¼ cup + 1 tablespoon coconut flour
- ¼ cup + 1 tablespoon tapioca flour
- ½ teaspoon baking soda
- 4 tablespoons ghee
- 4 tablespoons maple syrup
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
For the “peanut butter” layer
- 1 1/2 cup cashew butter (or any nut butter you prefer)
- 3/4 cup maple sugar (or coconut sugar, i just prefer the taste of maple sugar)
- 2 tablespoons ghee
- 2 teaspoon vanilla extract
- pinch of salt
For the top
- 1 cup chocolate chips, melted
- couple pinches of flaked salt
Instructions
- Preheat oven to 325 degrees F. Grease a rectangle quiche pan (13-3/4″ x 4-1/4″)*. Add all ingredients for the crust into a food processor and pulse until completely combine. The dough should combine into a slight ball once combine. Put dough in a pan and use your fingers to press dough around evenly throughout the pan, pressing the dough higher on the sides. Use a fork to poke about 10-12 holes in to keep the crusting from rising as it bake. Bake crust for 15-18 minutes, until golden brown. Remove then let crust cool for about 30 minutes.
- Once crust has cooled, wipe out the inside of the food processor and then place cashew butter, maple sugar, ghee, vanilla extra and salt in the food processor and pulse until completely combine. Use a spatula to remove all the mixture and place in the crust and smooth out. Place in the freezer to harden for 30 minutes.
- Lastly, melt chocolate. Pour chocolate on top of slightly hardened “peanut butter” mixture, smooth out then sprinkle with salt on top. Place in fridge for 10 minutes to harden chocolate before slicing into bar or triangles or whatever shape you prefer!
Notes
*If you don’t have a quiche pan, you could always use an 8×8 dish, they will be a little thinner so you will have to watch the baking time, but it will still work
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More Layered Ideas For Ya:
Salted Caramel Cookie Ice Cream Cups
Holiday Raspberry Caramel Tart
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I have a Vitamix (not the dry container), and a Kitchenaid mixer, but I know nothing about food processors. can you recommend any particular one?
JC, I have an older Kitchen Aid 7-cup food processor with slicing/grating blade, and it works well for basic food processing needs for a family of 4. If I were going to get a new one I would probably buy either a Kitchen Aid or Cuisinart 9 cup food processor with wider feed tube and slicing, grating and miscellaneous/dough blades. Hope this helps!
I used 1 c cashew butter and 1/2 c almond butter, but I ended up not really liking them. Next time I will try all cashew butter.
Juli – I love you and hate you for this recipe! I finally made them over the weekend and holy crap, they are delicious; we can’t stop eating them!
Just sharing some tidbits for others: I don’t have a quiche pan (who has one of those?!) so I used my glass 11 x 7 pan and they turned out perfectly. I also don’t have a food processor so used my blender and had no issues at all.
These are freaking delicious!!! Can I share the recipe to my blog (while giving you credit of course)?
i would prefer you not share the recipe on your website. you are welcome to share a photo of the recipe, but please just link back to my blog for finding the ingredients and directions!
It appears she did anyway, thats kind of shitty after you asked her not to!
what a dick move
sorry Juli! It never showed your response! I took the recipe down. Not trying to be a dick I promise. I didn’t think I had heard back from you and so I read your Terms of Use and thought I was okay using the link in the description. I’m new to this whole thing so please forgive me. I love your stuff and think you are hilarious.
sorry Juli! It never showed your response! I took it down. Not trying to be a dick I promise.
Made this for the first time about a month ago and I still can’t get my mind off of them. They are delicious!! To date my bf’s favorite paleo dessert! Thank you, Juli!! This one is a keeper.
so glad you loved them!
Hi Juli! Love your recipes!! I would really like to make these, but I have an allergy to coconut. Can I use more of the almond or tapioca flour in place of the coconut in this recipe? Thank you!
honestly, i have no clue. i don’t bake enough to really know how flours can be substituted. i’m sorry i can’t be of more help!
THESE ARE LIFE! I finally got around to making them and yes they are that good. And hallelujah mine looked just like the picture!
I did sub coconut oil for ghee cause I didn’t have any and they worked out great.
glad to hear the coconut oil works great too!! and so glad you loved them!
I don’t have any maple sugar and since I live in the sticks the only way I can get it is to order it but I would like to make these tonight… Any sub for the maple sugar?
i think that would work, i just haven’t made it that way so i can’t say for sure
Hi Juli!
I recently made these- amazing btw! Question. Do you find that these are pretty high Cal/pro/carb/fats? I entered them into MFP, because I’m counting macros and they are like 500 cals for one bar. ???? crazy right!
Anyways, the 12-15 serving size is from your 8×8 baking pan? Just trying to understand the size! Thanks!
yeah i mean all of these ingredients are high fat and high carb – it’s starch, sugar and fat. it’s not something i recommend for people who are trying to lose weight but i also don’t recommend dessert in any way other than berries for people who are trying to lose weight.