I’m declaring Mondays as dessert days. Because I can. And want to.
Wanna know something. I didn’t even come up with this recipe title. A guy named Kyle did. He saw one of the pictures I posted on my @paleomg instagram of this delicious recipe and named it. He’s a genius. And an awesome follower. Thanks Kyle for trying my recipes often and taking great pictures of them to share with the instagram world!
Ok I need to vent. I literally cannot remember the last time I went shopping…and didn’t cry. Every single freaking time, I cry. If that’s not some bullsh*t right there, I don’t know what is. It’s just ridiculous. I work my god damn ass off in the gym, I eat pretty god damn healthy, and for what? For more god damn cellulite to show? Ughhhhh. I swear, when I was skinny and weak and jello-y, I had a lot less cellulite. But now that muscle is actually growing, muscle that I never knew I even had, my cellulite is being pushed to the surface making it look like I haven’t worked out a day in my life. I’m pissed people. Like real pissed. I don’t think there is anything in this world that I hate more than cellulite. Oh wait, people who don’t cellulite. I hate those people. Sorry for not being sorry.
Ok, let’s take a deep breath. I’m sorry for being an emotional assh*le. And I’m sorry for saying god a lot of times. My mother will be disappointed. Especially with how I worded that last sentence. Either way, I still hate you people without cellulite. Plain and simple.
Speaking of people with no cellulite, I had a partner competition with my friend Krystle this weekend. She has no cellulite, and the shortest shorts in the world. If anyone in this world can pull off stupid short shorts, it’s her. I have really good looking friends in the first place, but she may take the cake. She has a six pack, big boobs, and a great butt. It’s just bullsh*t. Thankfully I like her so I don’t talk sh*t about how perfect she is. Other than over the internet.
Anywho, she did awesome! It was her first competition and I couldn’t have been more proud to call her my competition partner. She pushed hard, she gave it her all, and she smiled through the whole thing. It was awesome to see. And the best thing is she is all signed up for an individual competition next month which will be super cool to watch. She’s just great. Watch us go!
Krystle, you’re the best. Thanks for letting me be part of your first competition. Can’t wait to see how strong you get in the next year.
Coconut Klondike Bites
- Yield: 10-12 1x
Ingredients
- 1.5 cups unsweetened shredded coconut
- 1/2 cup coconut butter or homemade coconut butter
- 1/2 cup coconut oil
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- pinch of salt
- 1 bag (10oz) of Enjoy Life Chocolate Chips or dark chocolate chips
Instructions
- Place shredded coconut, coconut cream concentrate, coconut oil, vanilla, and salt into a food processor and blend until you get a slightly chunky texture.
- Place silicone liners into your muffin tin. If you don’t have silicone liners, use regular paper muffin liners.
- Use a large spoon to scoop out about 2 tablespoons worth of coconut mixture and place into your muffin tins. Press down until flat.
- Once all your muffins liners are filled, melt your chocolate.
- Either place chocolate into a bowl and into the microwave to heat for 30 seconds, then stir, and repeat until chocolate is melted but not burnt. OR use a double boiler to melt down your chocolate. Microwave is easier for lazy people, like yours truly.
- Use a spoon once again to scoop out about 1 tablespoon of chocolate and pour onto your coconut cups until the coconut is completely covered. Repeat on all your coconut cups.
- Place in freezer for about 20 minutes or until chocolate is frozen.
- These will be very hard so you may need to let one sit for a couple minutes at room temperature before biting in. Or break your tooth. Whatever suits your fancy.
- Keep in fridge or freezer to help with chocolate melting.
- Eat and be merry.
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You May Also Like:
Raspberry Caramel Chocolate Cups
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Made these….. and THEY ROCK. Although I couldn’t get the chocolate to stay on the top… it kinda fell somewhere in the middle but made no difference to me! Even got my non-paleo friends/family to eat them. Delish.
Unsweetened Shredded Coconut
Serving Size 3Tbsp (15g)
100cal, 10F, 4C, 1P
-> Caloric Ratio = 90% Fat
-> Very high in saturated fat
Coconut Cream Concentrate (aka Coconut Butter)
Serving Size 1tsp (4.5g)
31cal, 3F,1C,0P
-> Caloric Ratio = 80% Fat
-> Also very high in saturated fat
Coconut Oil
Serving size 1tsp (4.5g)
40cal, 5F, 0C, 0P
-> Caloric Ratio = 100% Fat
-> Also very high in saturated fat
Enjoy Life Chocolate Chips
Serving Size 15g
75cal, 5F 9C, 1P
-> Caloric ratio = 60% Fat
8 servings Coconut
800cal, 80f, 32c, 8p
24 servings cream
744cal, 72f, 24c, 0p
24 servings oil
960cal, 120f, 0c, 0p
19 servings chocolate
1425cal, 95f, 171c, 19p
TOTALS:
Calories = 3929
Fat = 367g
Carbs = 227g
Protein = 27g
Assuming most regular size muffin tins make 1 dozen servings,
a single serving has…
327 calories!
30g of fat! (Almost ALL saturated)
19g of carbs
2g of protein
People need to look closely at a lot of this paleo stuff. This recipe, delicious I’m sure, is not for the dieting, the one’s trying to lean up, or even someone trying to gain muscle mass. It’s all saturated fat.
I’m kind of appalled that this is listed as a paleo ‘treat’. More like diet suicide.
Get off the paleo wagon and try something like Jamie Eason’s chocolate brownies which have:
Calories: 96
Fat: 1.4 grams
Carbs: 12 grams
Protein: 10 grams
Well hello Mark Trussell. A word to the wise, the time you spent figuring out the nutritional facts for this recipe could have been spent in the gym “getting lean”. CrossFitters see nutrition different than body builders. You don’t believe in saturated fat, I don’t believe in cancer causing Splenda. You can see my viewpoint on paleo desserts here: and you can also do some research instead of barking comments like “diet suicide” to find out why saturated fat is good for our bodies . Robb Wolf has some great info in his book, The Paleo Solution. We can also meet up and compare bicep size…just sayin.
I apologize for coming across as condescending or confrontational. I too believe ‘treats’ are okay, however, I think listings like this need a little bit more info for those starting out. The people who haven’t been at it for a while may not realize that, even as a ‘treat’ this one ranks pretty low on the list of good healthy ones. A 300+ calorie snack of all saturated fat, paleo or not, just does not sit well with me, but that is why we are allowed different opinions, is it not?
All barking aside, you look like you’re working very hard and even taking the time to post articles, recipes, and respond to comments reveals the dedication and commitment you have to your practice. Best luck in your crossfit/paleo journey. Keep up the good work!
Ps. I was in the gym before I figured it out.
These are fantastic! I had to bring them to work to give away so I wouldn’t eat them all.
I just made these, and they are awesome!!! Thanks, again for the awesome recipe and blog!!!
Oh pa -lease. You have killer abs and a pretty funny sense of humor. If you didn’t have a little cellulite, life just would not be fair. But those Klondike bars sound a-MAH-zing.
Just made these yesterday & they are awesome!! Thank-you for the recipe!!
I’ve made these twice now and once with a very small amount of pepermint oil which turned the coconut mixture into a sort of almond joy minus the almond, but can definitely add it prior to the choco layer. Very good. These are now my pre-workout treat. Thanks
I’ve made these twice now and once with a very small amount of peppermint oil which turned the coconut mixture into a sort of almond joy minus the almond, but can definitely add it prior to the choco layer. Very good. These are now my pre-workout treat. Thanks
So yummy!!! Love your website!!!
Hehe, found this page when I googled “paleo and cellulite”. Love it, ‘cept, you were supposed to be giving me the answers not whining about yours.
BTW, you look pretty alright from this angle. Can’t wait to try them coconut thingies. Keep up these funny writings.
Tam