Cucumber Smoked Salmon Roll Ups

I know, I know. This isn’t actually a “recipe” per se, but it is exactly what I am eating on a regular basis right now while I finish up my latest cookbook. It’s not that I’m lazy…I mean I have been known to not wash my hair for an unknown number of days because the thought of standing in front of the mirror for 15 minutes to finally dry my hair just so I can stand longer and style it (breathe) is daunting. But when it comes to recipes, I try not to be that lazy. Because you’re here, reading this blog, maybe making a recipe, so I don’t want it to suck and you hate me and therefore blast me on Amazon. That’s the worst. Anywho, while I make as many delicious recipes as possible for my book, you guys will be getting some stupid simple recipes while I make sure the book is perfect! Can you hold out two weeks for me? Kthanksyourethebest.

I just ran out of coconut oil potato chips and I am SO MAD about it. Don’t fill the bag halfway, you bastard distributors.

Yet another thing I am obsessed with eating, other than coconut oil potato chips, is dried figs. I had to ban them years ago because I had become addicted. And if you didn’t know this already, dried fruit is packed with A LOT of sugar. Don’t go tricking yourself thinking that you can eat as many dried mango plates (they are seriously the size of plates) as you want since you cut the candy bars out. You may have gotten rid of chemical-killing substances from the candy bars, but sugar is bad. Have you read the 21 Day Sugar Detox? It’s real bad. Anywho, I had to let them go for about 2 years. But I’m ready to flirt with them again. Just a tad. I just can’t go crazy addict style on them.

Speaking of crazy, the other day I had a girl comment “Ugh. Foul.” on one of my food pics the other day. It was surf and turf picture. Quite appetizing, actually. So I decided to do some instagram creep-tastic stalking to better understand why my food would be considered foul. Boom, vegan. First off, I do not give a f*ck if you are vegan. Or vegetarian or pescatarian or flower-only eater or dessert-only eater or meat-only eater (I don’t know the term for those lifestyles). I just don’t care. What you put in your mouth doesn’t change my day to day life in the slightest. And never do I tell a vegan to slather some meat on their meal. Because I do not care. I share my pictures in hopes of inspiring others on their next meal. During my creep-tastic stalk sesh, I found lots of bra and underwear pictures of hers. I did not comment on her bra and underwear pictures saying “Ugh. Foul” because her naked body doesn’t change my life.  You know what does change my life? Dried figs. I effing love those things.


Cucumber Smoked Salmon Roll Ups

  • Yield: 1 1x




  1. Thinly slice a cucumber, lengthwise, using a mandolin.
  2. Spread on some mayo.
  3. Layer on some smoked salmon.
  4. Curl up cucumber and press a toothpick through it.
  5. Eat.

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Oh, Hi! I’m Juli.

I’m a food hoarder. And a really bad dancer. If you don’t know me well, you will probably not understand my humor. Therefore, I apologize ahead of time. Thanks for listening to my ramblings of my ever-changing life and trusting my kitchen mishaps. Your trust in me is appreciated.


58 thoughts on “Cucumber Smoked Salmon Roll Ups”

  1. Hey, I support this recipe. Not all delicious recipes need to be complicated! The only thing foul is her stinky, sh*tty attitude. Eff her.

  2. Simple meals are the best. And they help me figure out small things I can do for lunch when I don’t have extra time. And btw your surf and turf pic was amazing

  3. I cannot WAIT to try this…we have a surplus of smoked salmon and this will be perfect! Also, that fruit girl is BUGGIN’. Why do people concern themselves so much with what other people eat?

  4. Thanks for sharing, Juli! I am craving cucumber lately so I’m excited to see this. Best of luck wrapping up the cook book!

  5. Question regarding: Coconut Oil Potato chips and Sir Kensington Mayo- aren’t white potatoes and sugar both non-paleo? Just trying to understand…..

    1. regarding the potato: totally depends who you talk to. I work out 5-6 days per week usually so i don’t worry about white potatoes. as for the sugar in sir kensingtons, the small amount doesn’t bother me. i know it bothers some so that’s why i gave two other options for may 🙂

  6. I love simple recipes so I’m all about this! And smoked salmon is one of my favorite foods so once I get my hands on some I’ll have to try this out

  7. Dates with almond butter is my jam. And by that I mean addiction. A serious, serious addiction. But hey, I suppose it beats candy bars. Or, you know, real drugs. Can’t win em all.

  8. I am very curious to know how many people went and found that picture, found the ‘Ugh. Foul.’ chick and totally insta-creeped her. I know I did. #imnotashamed #iddoitagain


  10. Can I just tell you how much I enjoyed reading that! I literally Lol’ed at work. I hate the people that comment stupid stuff on your pics as much as you do!!! (Especially the people who cry about you posting outfit pics) i love all your posts. Keep doing you – Haters gonna hate ! I can’t wait for your new book!

  11. Hey Juli!
    Have you tried olive oil potato chips? They are really good too!
    Trying not to be an addict with them!
    Keep up the great work!

  12. This looks like just about the kind of thing I’m eating right now as I finish up a few weeks of exams! My sugar cravings are terrible when I’m stressed, so I’ve had to ban dried fruit too – grabbing a few dates with almond butter was getting way too habitual! And I’m so jealous of the coconut oil potato crisps you can get in the US, although I have a feeling it’s better I can’t get them because I think I’d inhale them in an unhealthily short period of time! Speaking of the Instagram comment, I’ll never understand why people would take time out of their days and lives just to send a hateful message – why?! And if it bothered her so much, why not use that time to simply unfollow instead?! Ugh!

  13. Can you recommend any brands for the smoked salmon. I want to try some but didn’t want to pick one that people didn’t recommend. I have not tried it before so is it a very strong salmon flavor? I love your posts they always make me smile!

  14. +5 for simplicity with this recipe. It looks delish! Although it’s winter, I’m imagine having this on a summer day while I’m waiting for the grill to warm up.

    Just riffing on a theme, but you could whip in horseradish or maybe some Frank’s hot sauce into the mayo as well. Maybe even jam in an olive in the center as you skewer. AHA you making me hungry! Good stuff.

  15. Some people are just giant bags of douche. And want to cause drama because they enjoy it and find it entertaining. Ten minutes before I read this post I had to type a memo at work because a co-worker was trying to start serious drama with other staff. Maybe she loves it. Maybe she’s nuts. Who the hell knows? Either way… maybe this is a good way to get some more fresh greens in the ol’ daily routine.


  16. I LOVE simple and quick recipes!!! And I would never have thought of this one on my own anyway. That being said I will be making the spaghetti squash sundried recipe you posted the other day later this week. My mouth waters every time I think about it. 🙂

  17. Some people are so rude and possess no charity whatsoever. What ever happened to, “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all?” You brought up such a good point when you said that you didn’t go post nasty comments on her pictures especially after what she said to you. Someone once told me that people like that don’t have enough of their own problems. I guess then they go create problems for others. People like that aren’t worth your time and energy. On another note…I feel your pain in regards to fixing your hair and wanting more volume. If your hair has any kind of curl or wave, I highly recommend you check out Deva Curl. It has changed my life. There are You Tube videos on how to use the product. You can buy the product on Amazon. It is so simple, and you will have volume once again!

  18. Hi Juli, love your blog! I’d like to try this recipe and also make the homemade mayo. If I can’t find avocado oil, do you have any recommended alternatives? Thanks!

  19. Those look so pretty. And yummy. Dang… I haven’t had smoked salmon in ages. Now I want some,,,NOW. Dang. None in my house. Thanks for the ideas and for your hilarious posts. Most entertaining blog ever.

  20. Those look so pretty. And yummy. Dang… I haven’t had smoked salmon in ages. Now I want some,,,NOW. Dang. None in my house. Thanks for the ideas and for your hilarious posts. Most entertaining blog ever.

  21. It’s funny you posted this and felt the need to aploogize because I think sometimes with paleo we get so caught up in COOKING ALL THE THINGS then whine when we can’t come up with something “easy” for lunch or something. I saw a similar idea (maybe on NomNomPaleo?) where they used slices of cucumber to make mini tuna salad sandwiches and I felt really dumb for not thinking of that ahead of time. However, that’s why I read blogs like these, so I can find both easy and complicated ways to make paleo delicious! And thanks for the humor about the Instagram trolls…you probably earn as many followers for it as you lose pissing said trolls off 😉

  22. I’m a vegetarian and really enjoy your blog even though I don’t eat most of what you post. Love your hands off attitude. No need to stir up drama. Just keep on keepin’ on. Rabid anyone (vegan, paleo, vegetarian, raw, etc) is so tiresome.

    1. Another plant eater here who reads your blog. The girl who commented on your picture is a notorious internet troll, advocate of eating an 80/10/10 raw diet and eating 30 bananas a day. Most vegans are not crazy enough to go out of their way to go on someone’s instagram telling them their food is gross.

      I also hate it when anyone in real life comments on something I am eating being gross or weird, just because they don’t like it. Way to ruin my appetite and have no social IQ!

  23. Juli, seriously, every single time I read your comments I crack up! And kudos to your response to “UghFoul Gal” . Some people just take life too seriously!
    Just keep on making me laugh and trying your recipes. I have been addicted for two years now, and am so happy to see your success. You deserve it!

  24. This is awesome! I have an overabundance of lox in my refrigerator (binge shopping at Whole Foods on my once-a-month-trip) and have been getting tired of it mixed up with my eggs and Brussels sprout breakfast!
    Thank you for this idea. I think it’s perfect.
    And sorry about the trolls. Some people are just going to hate no matter what. Not a thing to do about ’em except laugh.
    I, for one, think what you do is beneficial to all.

  25. Yum- my new favorite thing is smoked salmon.

    And duh- I went back to stalk this girl. Her breakfasts are seriously like 5-6 mangoes. What? I would get so bored and also be so weak from the lack of protein. Whatever!

  26. This recipe actually looks AMAZING! I like to make simple things like this when I’m home alone and don’t need to cook up a big meal. I’m a snacker… I snack. And haters gonna’ hate, ain’t no big thang.

  27. My fiance gets up at 5am to coach and last week he requested smoked salmon and cucumbers for his early coaching days. I cannot fathom eating fish that early in the morning but he loves it! I’ll have to make these for him as a grab-and-go.

  28. I freak’in love you and your ideas, both in food and fashion. You nailed it with two of my loves, cucumber and smoked salmon. Trying a Paleo lifestyle out to reap some bennies and see if it’s what I need to enhance my recent return to the gym for overall health and wellness… Your style is just seriously cool and in line with mine. Would love to be your photographer-of-everything, but I see you have someone who does a pretty fantastic job already. 🙂

  29. Made these for lunch on Friday…tastes great with spicy mustard too…thanks for such a simple, healthy and tasty treat!

  30. Unrelated- what places do you recommend eating at in Denver? My husband and I are coming out in April. I want to go to Snooze for sure! Thanks for all the great recipes, keep kicking ass!

    P.S. We dropped in at CF Broadway last January when we came out…does it always smell funny in there?

  31. I made these yesterday and they were amazing! I threw some chopped dill on there too. Delish! I was also thinking of adding spring onion and capers for another version.

    I am planning on making the Blondies this weekend for me and my lonely heart children for Valentines day!

  32. OMG you are hilarious! Ijust started the paleo life style, im just feeling my way thru it and learning to say no things that are no good for me. And I just started reading some blogs here and there but LOL I haven’t run into one where the writer was so honest LOL or just real I guess. Its very refreshing eff all the haters LOL I kind of feel that way when I bring in left over fish or salmon and heat in the microwave everyone frowns LOL who gives a sh** I don’t.:) thanks for being real. I feel like I fit in here :).

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