I know, I know. This isn’t actually a “recipe” per se, but it is exactly what I am eating on a regular basis right now while I finish up my latest cookbook. It’s not that I’m lazy…I mean I have been known to not wash my hair for an unknown number of days because the thought of standing in front of the mirror for 15 minutes to finally dry my hair just so I can stand longer and style it (breathe) is daunting. But when it comes to recipes, I try not to be that lazy. Because you’re here, reading this blog, maybe making a recipe, so I don’t want it to suck and you hate me and therefore blast me on Amazon. That’s the worst. Anywho, while I make as many delicious recipes as possible for my book, you guys will be getting some stupid simple recipes while I make sure the book is perfect! Can you hold out two weeks for me? Kthanksyourethebest.
I just ran out of coconut oil potato chips and I am SO MAD about it. Don’t fill the bag halfway, you bastard distributors.
Yet another thing I am obsessed with eating, other than coconut oil potato chips, is dried figs. I had to ban them years ago because I had become addicted. And if you didn’t know this already, dried fruit is packed with A LOT of sugar. Don’t go tricking yourself thinking that you can eat as many dried mango plates (they are seriously the size of plates) as you want since you cut the candy bars out. You may have gotten rid of chemical-killing substances from the candy bars, but sugar is bad. Have you read the 21 Day Sugar Detox? It’s real bad. Anywho, I had to let them go for about 2 years. But I’m ready to flirt with them again. Just a tad. I just can’t go crazy addict style on them.
Speaking of crazy, the other day I had a girl comment “Ugh. Foul.” on one of my food pics the other day. It was surf and turf picture. Quite appetizing, actually. So I decided to do some instagram creep-tastic stalking to better understand why my food would be considered foul. Boom, vegan. First off, I do not give a f*ck if you are vegan. Or vegetarian or pescatarian or flower-only eater or dessert-only eater or meat-only eater (I don’t know the term for those lifestyles). I just don’t care. What you put in your mouth doesn’t change my day to day life in the slightest. And never do I tell a vegan to slather some meat on their meal. Because I do not care. I share my pictures in hopes of inspiring others on their next meal. During my creep-tastic stalk sesh, I found lots of bra and underwear pictures of hers. I did not comment on her bra and underwear pictures saying “Ugh. Foul” because her naked body doesn’t change my life. You know what does change my life? Dried figs. I effing love those things.
Cucumber Smoked Salmon Roll Ups
- Yield: 1 1x
Ingredients
- 1 cucumber, thinly sliced
- 1–2 tablespoons homemade mayo (or use Primal Kitchen)
- 2–4 ounces smoked salmon
Instructions
- Thinly slice a cucumber, lengthwise, using a mandolin.
- Spread on some mayo.
- Layer on some smoked salmon.
- Curl up cucumber and press a toothpick through it.
- Eat.
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You May Also Like:
Smoked Salmon & Dill Deviled Eggs
Bacon Wrapped Smoked Salmon Stuffed Sweet Peppers
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I’m a vegetarian and really enjoy your blog even though I don’t eat most of what you post. Love your hands off attitude. No need to stir up drama. Just keep on keepin’ on. Rabid anyone (vegan, paleo, vegetarian, raw, etc) is so tiresome.
Another plant eater here who reads your blog. The girl who commented on your picture is a notorious internet troll, advocate of eating an 80/10/10 raw diet and eating 30 bananas a day. Most vegans are not crazy enough to go out of their way to go on someone’s instagram telling them their food is gross.
I also hate it when anyone in real life comments on something I am eating being gross or weird, just because they don’t like it. Way to ruin my appetite and have no social IQ!
Juli, seriously, every single time I read your comments I crack up! And kudos to your response to “UghFoul Gal” . Some people just take life too seriously!
Just keep on making me laugh and trying your recipes. I have been addicted for two years now, and am so happy to see your success. You deserve it!
i just tried really hard to come up with a foul/fowl meat eating joke and failed. regardless, i would get up in that surf and turf so hard.
This is awesome! I have an overabundance of lox in my refrigerator (binge shopping at Whole Foods on my once-a-month-trip) and have been getting tired of it mixed up with my eggs and Brussels sprout breakfast!
Thank you for this idea. I think it’s perfect.
And sorry about the trolls. Some people are just going to hate no matter what. Not a thing to do about ’em except laugh.
I, for one, think what you do is beneficial to all.
Yum- my new favorite thing is smoked salmon.
And duh- I went back to stalk this girl. Her breakfasts are seriously like 5-6 mangoes. What? I would get so bored and also be so weak from the lack of protein. Whatever!
You are totally inspiring!
This recipe actually looks AMAZING! I like to make simple things like this when I’m home alone and don’t need to cook up a big meal. I’m a snacker… I snack. And haters gonna’ hate, ain’t no big thang.
so simple and so delicious. time to go on a salmon kick!
My fiance gets up at 5am to coach and last week he requested smoked salmon and cucumbers for his early coaching days. I cannot fathom eating fish that early in the morning but he loves it! I’ll have to make these for him as a grab-and-go.
i do the same thing when i coach early in the morning! it’s nice to not have to cook anything
Ugh. Foul… Hahaha sorry!!! Just kidding! Seriously? I could live on smoked salmon, cucumbers and mayo!