I know, I know. This isn’t actually a “recipe” per se, but it is exactly what I am eating on a regular basis right now while I finish up my latest cookbook. It’s not that I’m lazy…I mean I have been known to not wash my hair for an unknown number of days because the thought of standing in front of the mirror for 15 minutes to finally dry my hair just so I can stand longer and style it (breathe) is daunting. But when it comes to recipes, I try not to be that lazy. Because you’re here, reading this blog, maybe making a recipe, so I don’t want it to suck and you hate me and therefore blast me on Amazon. That’s the worst. Anywho, while I make as many delicious recipes as possible for my book, you guys will be getting some stupid simple recipes while I make sure the book is perfect! Can you hold out two weeks for me? Kthanksyourethebest.
I just ran out of coconut oil potato chips and I am SO MAD about it. Don’t fill the bag halfway, you bastard distributors.
Yet another thing I am obsessed with eating, other than coconut oil potato chips, is dried figs. I had to ban them years ago because I had become addicted. And if you didn’t know this already, dried fruit is packed with A LOT of sugar. Don’t go tricking yourself thinking that you can eat as many dried mango plates (they are seriously the size of plates) as you want since you cut the candy bars out. You may have gotten rid of chemical-killing substances from the candy bars, but sugar is bad. Have you read the 21 Day Sugar Detox? It’s real bad. Anywho, I had to let them go for about 2 years. But I’m ready to flirt with them again. Just a tad. I just can’t go crazy addict style on them.
Speaking of crazy, the other day I had a girl comment “Ugh. Foul.” on one of my food pics the other day. It was surf and turf picture. Quite appetizing, actually. So I decided to do some instagram creep-tastic stalking to better understand why my food would be considered foul. Boom, vegan. First off, I do not give a f*ck if you are vegan. Or vegetarian or pescatarian or flower-only eater or dessert-only eater or meat-only eater (I don’t know the term for those lifestyles). I just don’t care. What you put in your mouth doesn’t change my day to day life in the slightest. And never do I tell a vegan to slather some meat on their meal. Because I do not care. I share my pictures in hopes of inspiring others on their next meal. During my creep-tastic stalk sesh, I found lots of bra and underwear pictures of hers. I did not comment on her bra and underwear pictures saying “Ugh. Foul” because her naked body doesn’t change my life. You know what does change my life? Dried figs. I effing love those things.
Cucumber Smoked Salmon Roll Ups
- Yield: 1 1x
Ingredients
- 1 cucumber, thinly sliced
- 1–2 tablespoons homemade mayo (or use Primal Kitchen)
- 2–4 ounces smoked salmon
Instructions
- Thinly slice a cucumber, lengthwise, using a mandolin.
- Spread on some mayo.
- Layer on some smoked salmon.
- Curl up cucumber and press a toothpick through it.
- Eat.
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You May Also Like:
Smoked Salmon & Dill Deviled Eggs
Bacon Wrapped Smoked Salmon Stuffed Sweet Peppers
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Can you recommend any brands for the smoked salmon. I want to try some but didn’t want to pick one that people didn’t recommend. I have not tried it before so is it a very strong salmon flavor? I love your posts they always make me smile!
+5 for simplicity with this recipe. It looks delish! Although it’s winter, I’m imagine having this on a summer day while I’m waiting for the grill to warm up.
Just riffing on a theme, but you could whip in horseradish or maybe some Frank’s hot sauce into the mayo as well. Maybe even jam in an olive in the center as you skewer. AHA you making me hungry! Good stuff.
Some people are just giant bags of douche. And want to cause drama because they enjoy it and find it entertaining. Ten minutes before I read this post I had to type a memo at work because a co-worker was trying to start serious drama with other staff. Maybe she loves it. Maybe she’s nuts. Who the hell knows? Either way… maybe this is a good way to get some more fresh greens in the ol’ daily routine.
Thanks
I LOVE simple and quick recipes!!! And I would never have thought of this one on my own anyway. That being said I will be making the spaghetti squash sundried recipe you posted the other day later this week. My mouth waters every time I think about it. 🙂
Some people are so rude and possess no charity whatsoever. What ever happened to, “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all?” You brought up such a good point when you said that you didn’t go post nasty comments on her pictures especially after what she said to you. Someone once told me that people like that don’t have enough of their own problems. I guess then they go create problems for others. People like that aren’t worth your time and energy. On another note…I feel your pain in regards to fixing your hair and wanting more volume. If your hair has any kind of curl or wave, I highly recommend you check out Deva Curl. It has changed my life. There are You Tube videos on how to use the product. You can buy the product on Amazon. It is so simple, and you will have volume once again!
Hi Juli, love your blog! I’d like to try this recipe and also make the homemade mayo. If I can’t find avocado oil, do you have any recommended alternatives? Thanks!
Those look so pretty. And yummy. Dang… I haven’t had smoked salmon in ages. Now I want some,,,NOW. Dang. None in my house. Thanks for the ideas and for your hilarious posts. Most entertaining blog ever.
Those look so pretty. And yummy. Dang… I haven’t had smoked salmon in ages. Now I want some,,,NOW. Dang. None in my house. Thanks for the ideas and for your hilarious posts. Most entertaining blog ever.
ooops! Sorry for the multi posts. A friend upgraded my iOS on my iPad and now this thing sucks balls.
It’s funny you posted this and felt the need to aploogize because I think sometimes with paleo we get so caught up in COOKING ALL THE THINGS then whine when we can’t come up with something “easy” for lunch or something. I saw a similar idea (maybe on NomNomPaleo?) where they used slices of cucumber to make mini tuna salad sandwiches and I felt really dumb for not thinking of that ahead of time. However, that’s why I read blogs like these, so I can find both easy and complicated ways to make paleo delicious! And thanks for the humor about the Instagram trolls…you probably earn as many followers for it as you lose pissing said trolls off 😉