I was in legit b*tch mode last week. I don’t know what the sh*t my problem was (no, it wasn’t that time of the month asshole) but I was not fun to be around. Ask Jake or Jason. Every day I would walk into the gym, I would right away be a burden to these guys. Especially since I cried through 2 of my workouts last week. Two. No, not like cried a little then sucked it up and went on with it, I cried throughout the ENTIRE workout. Crying while running blows monkey balls. It’s kind of hard to breath in Colorado already, so add crying to the equation, and sh*t gets real. The workouts weren’t even crazy hard. I was just sad and mad and upset and pissed…all at the same time. I get sad that my spandex shorts don’t fit like they used to, then I get mad that I didn’t PR on my lift, then I get upset that my waist doesn’t look smaller in my shadow while I’m running outside, then I get pissed that I just fell over while doing a pistol. Yes, that all happened during ONE workout. Yes, I’m dramatic. And yes, I felt like an idiot.
But I’m better this week. I’m ready to take on the world…whatever the hell that means. I drank a protein shake with coconut water the other day and officially felt 100% better about everything in life. Have you tried that? Do it. Do it now. Then comment on this post about how I’m seriously a genius and should be given free coconut water everyday by some company. Any kind will do. Other than the kind that’s mango…or pomegranate….or peach. All those taste like ass. And have weird added sugar to them. But coconut has become my go-to when I need something other than water. Kinda like when I used to drink energy drinks in college. I can’t believe I used to consume that straight up poison. I blame accounting class.
Oh I almost forgot to tell you, my face is pretty much done peeling. I guess I shed enough skin. Kinda like a snake. That’s effing gross dude. I guess it helped out my face a bit. It was mostly to get rid of scars and bring new light to new skin, but in the back of my mind I was definitely hoping my acne would suddenly clear up. I know, unrealistic expectations, but let me have them. They keep me positive. Like thinking eating mass quantities of chocolate covered walnuts won’t hurt my stomach. Am I high? Maybe.
So this recipe kinda made me think of pork, rice, and beans. I’ve told you about the restaurant D’Corazon in Downtown Denver before, and how their carnitas are to.die.for. And whenever I go there, I always end up eating the refried beans. I don’t really care about the rice, but the refried beans call my name. Beans + lard = F*ck yeah. Well, there isn’t really a paleo substitute for refried beans is there? So I made a carnitas-like dish with rice as the side. I don’t know why I’m telling you all this. All you care about is if it tastes good. Well, it does. Like REAL good.
I just sneezed 6 times. Yes, six. F*ckin’ allergies.
Garlic Pork and Rice
- Yield: 6-8 1x
Ingredients
- 2lb pork rump roast, excess fat removed
- 6 garlic cloves, peeled
- 2 head of cauliflower, stem and leaves removed, roughly chopped
- 1 cup chicken broth
- 1 teaspoon ground cumin
- 1 teaspoon salt
- 1/2 teaspoon pepper
Instructions
- Pull out your handy dandy crockpot AND food processor. If you still don’t have these items, rethink your life. Invest. Period.
- Use the shredding attachment on your food processor and run both heads of cauliflower through the food processor to rice it.
- Throw all your riced cauliflower in the crockpot along with your chicken broth.
- Add cumin and salt and pepper to your rice along with 3 garlic cloves.
- Now use a sharp knife to make 3 one inch cuts in the pork roast and push each clove into the roast cuts.
- Place roast on top of the cauliflower.
- Cover and cook on low for 8-10 hours.
- Shred pork and mix with cauliflower rice! BOOM.
______________
You May Also Like:
______________
Click Here To Get All My PaleOMG Recipes Into Your Meal Planner With Real Plans!
I may be compensated through my affiliate links in this post, but all opinions are my own. This compensation helps with expenses to keep this blog up and running!
Cauliflower rice is legit. Just to live on the edge, I threw some diced up bell pepper, jalapeno, onion, and sweet potato into the crockpot with the cauliflower and the pork. I know…I’m crazy…
Amazeballs.
It’s the best!!! I like you Tyler, you’re smart.
Hey Juli! Just made this dish and it’s fabulous! I have been in a rut, thinking no paleo food tastes good! This pulled me out for sure! The cauliflower is sooo good! Also, I squeezed some fresh lime juice in at the very end after I shredded the pork and put it back in the pot…sooo yummy!!
Thanks, again, for allowing me to taste something yummy again!
that is freaking awesome Mianna!! Glad you liked it! I don’t post anything I don’t think is delicious…I have REALLY good taste obviously 😉
Thanks for the awesome recipe Juli. Made it this weekend and have had it for 4 of last 12 meals. Mixing in some kimchi and guac turns it into a Korean burrito bowl. mmmmmmmmmmmm
Yummmmm! Genius!! My ex is half korean and his mom used to make kimchi all the time, I LOVED it!! Loved going to Korean restaurants even more. I need to get some Korean food asap now!
Made this again, and as I am wont to do, I started making changes to your recipe and it came out MORE awesome! Doubled the pork for more leftovers, added a big shake or two of Emeril’s Essence to the cauliflower before putting the pork across the top as well as adding up a couple of nice diced onions and jalepeno’s. The extra pork butt dripped more fat down into the cauliflower and simmered down into this amazing cauliflower soup like mixture! When i got home from the box I was starving as usual and stood at the crockpot with a spoon just eating that!
That sounds awesome!! Good adds!
Hi! I love your blog. You are an amazing writer and soo funny! I’ve love your recipes too. I made the garlic pork and rice tonight. The pork came out perfect but the rice looked nothing like yours. It was a bit mushy. Any ideas on what I could do so that it won’t turn out so mushy? I’m think I shredded the florets too fine? What do you think?
Hey Michelle!! Thanks so much for checking out my blog! Well, I’m guessing out cauliflower was different sized, so try using less broth because you most likely have too much or not enough cauliflower and it’s more moisture than the cauliflower can hold. Try that out!
Juli,
This is great, I made it @ work last night and added a yellow onion. It will definitely get made again.
At work?! You are dedicated to your job my friend.
Okay, so this is totally AWESOME!!! Hubby says, “Holy frickin’ sh*t, this is GOOD!!!” Munchkin (he’s two) says, “Yummilicious!!!” and cleaned his plate!! Definitely a winner and going to share it with the paleo and non-paleo fam. Thanks for the awesomeness!!
That’s awesome Rena!! Glad they both liked it!! And thank you so much for telling other people about it! You rock 🙂
1) I am a chronic gym-crier. Usually related to pistols and ring dips and pushups. Shit is hard, and I get mad. Holy hell I hate ring dips.
2) I suck at life and STILL haven’t tried cauliflower rice. Why? Because I don’t have a food processor. Why? Because I’m too lazy to detour down an extra aisle at costco and put one in my cart. Weak.
3) This recipe just might motivate me to get one. It looks amazing.
4) I, too, thought coconut water and protein powder was my own genius invention. Makes me feel like a new person. Even helps me stop crying.
5) Most importantly, I love love love your blog. Have tried a few recipes, and they’re all great. And hilarious. Keep kicking ass.
You awesome Addi. I love gym crying. Coconut water with protein powder tastes like legit heaven
i made this last night and it was delicious! I did feel that there was a lot of liquid at the bottom, like I had to use a slotted spoon to spoon out the riced cauliflower! i think all of the liquid/fat/yummy juiciness gave me reflux. this was my first paleo recipe, by the way! I’m a newbie trying to make changes! thanks!
I totally did not expect this to turn out so fragrant and good. Lesson learnt: never judge a food by its colour.
Anyway, mine turned out to by “Garlic Pork Porridge”, perhaps less liquid next time I reckon.