I’m mad. Like, really f*cking mad. Ok, that’s a lie, I don’t really get mad, I just get sad. So, I’m really f*cking sad. My face was finally getting better, finally looking like something was changing and my face was starting to play nice, but NO. No, no,no. It ain’t playin’ nice no mo’. My face has freaked out. Like OMG Ihateyousomuchjuli. Iwantyoutostaysingleforever. Andidefinitelydontwantanyonetofindyouattractive. Ever.
You, my face, are a straight up b*tch.
Ugh, I’m going to get so many emails about my dirty mouth now. I’ll save you the time…please don’t send them.
Anywho, I’m having one of those days of feeling absolutely hopeless. I don’t know what to do. I clean up my diet and it gets a little bit better, then it goes back to normal. I change up my face cleansing routine and it gets a little better, then goes back to normal. I get off birth control, I stay on birth control. I take fish oil, I don’t take fish oil. I eat more fat, I eat less fat. I don’t eat dark chocolate, I do eat dark chocolate. I get facials, I don’t get facials. You get what I’m throwin’ out? I try everything, but in the end my face has full control, and I am left staring in the mirror with tears in my eyes, choking back the egg of frustration that sits in my throat.
Just today, I started taking the probiotic saccharomyce boulardii which was recommended by Liz of Cave Girl Eats. I also am getting cod liver oil soon to start trying that as well. And making sure all sugar and nuts are cut from my diet. It’s just so annoying that my mind has to be filled with thoughts of how ugly I am or how I wish I could improve my skin. That’s dumb. It should be filled with cookbook thoughts, and Christmas gift thoughts, and food thoughts. But no, the face has won.
So here’s my question out of utter frustration and anguish…do I try acutane? Do I face the fact that I may be incredibly depressed, moody, and upset for months because of the drug? Do I face the fact that I may have to take the drug even though my face and other body parts will literally dry up and peel off? Do I face the fact that it may not even work? I don’t know what to do, but I’m obviously upset enough to blab all about it and want some of your advice. So, advise me.
On a more positive note, you NEED to try these muffins. They are DELICIOUS.
Morning Glory Muffins (nut free option)
- Yield: 9 1x
Ingredients
- 1 apple, peeled and cored, shredded
- 1 large carrot, peeled
- 1/2 cup sunflower seed butter
- 1 cup pepitas
- 3 eggs, whisked
- 1/2 cup coconut oil, melted
- 1/4 cup raisins
- 1/4 cup pecans, roughly chopped (optional for nut free version)
- 1 tablespoon cinnamon
- 1 tablespoon raw honey
- 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
- pinch of salt
Instructions
- Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
- Now add your pepitas to a small saucepan over medium heat with a tablespoon of fat. I used coconut oil.
- Cook for 3-5 minutes, moving around lots so they don’t burn and so they cook on all sides.
- While your pepitas are roasting, add your apple and carrot to your food processor with the shredding attachment. If you don’t have a food processor, use a grater to shred your apple and carrot.
- Add your apple and carrot to a bowl along with your sunflower seed butter and rinse out your food processor bowl.
- Then add your roasted pepitas to the food processor and puree until you get a flour/meal.
- Then add your pepita flour, eggs, coconut oil, honey, raisins, pecans, cinnamon, salt, and baking soda. Mix well.
- Pour your batter into 9 FULL muffin liners in your muffin tin. I lined my muffins tin with silicone muffin liners but paper would do just fine.
- Bake for 25-30 minutes until cooked through.
- Let cool slightly, but eat warm, because they are the best that way.
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More Nut Free Muffins:
Apple Cinnamon Muffins (nut free)
Chocolate Chip Protein Muffins (nut free)
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Juli, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don’t use acutane. That stuff is so toxic! Believe me, I totally understand the temptation of taking something to fix your skin. I have psoriasis and was thiiiiiiiisclose to taking an immunosupressant. I’m so glad I didn’t, in part because in a round about way, that’s how I found you! Please don’t do it.
I’m an esthetician, and I would LOVE to talk to you about what’s up with your skin. Seriously, let’s talk and see what we can see.
No Accutane!! I did the shit when I was a teen and it was the worst year of my life. I was super emotional and suicidal (yikes).
I used to have the WORST acne and I tried everything like you. It wasn’t until I went Paleo that it changed. I think you might be touching your face too much. I never wash mine (even with makeup) and I don’t use an moisturizer and I try to never touch it and it stays amazingly clear. Try backing off your coconut oil/washing regimine and see if not touching helps! PS. you’re beautiful lady!
Hey Juli,
I have the same problem, and every doctor told me to try acutane, proactive, hormone stuff, and a ridiculous amount of other things. Turns out it was none of the above.
Have you ever heard of leaky gut? It’s basically when you have little holes in your stomach and food particles escape into your blood, causing allergic reactions. So if you have this condition, you’ll keep breaking out until you fix it.
I went to an alternative doctor and he not only helped me fix it, but also was able to tell me exactly what I was allergic or sensitive to, so that I could stay off those things. All I took were completely natural, vegan, allergen free powders, supplements, and aloe vera, and I’ve seen the proof on my face that it’s all healed. I feel 10x better and don’t hate my face anymore.
I have actually lost a few “allergies” that had developed simply because my leaky gut was getting worse and worse since it wasn’t being healed. I now have a MUCH clearer face and only break out when I eat something I know I’m sensitive to. But the point is that I know what I’m sensitive to and my leaky gut is gone.
I don’t know where you live, but here’s the doctor I’m using: http://njlifechangingcare.com/ If you can find an alternative person near you (many of them are actually chiropractors) who deals with leaky gut, I highly recommend getting tested/trying the temporary diet and healing it with natural supps.
I totally feel for you, and this doctor turned my life around 180 degrees. Email me if you would like more info on the supps I took to heal it.
So glad I found your site. We’re going to give paleo a shot. First up will be these muffins.
Please don’t take accutane – I did and it was horrific and didn’t really work!
I totally get how you are feeling about your skin. I am in the same place. I think mine is hormonal but my doc says my hormones are all balanced and fine. However, this is the doc that told me girls shouldn’t lift more than 20kg!
So I am going to try find a natural dermatologist and get my hormones checked again.
Stick with it! x
I know many others have chimed in both for and against Accutane. I wanted to chime in myself and say that I as on it two different times and it DID help me. I don’t know if I was lucky or not, but never had the depression or any side effects from taking it. I took it once just after high school, probably 18-19 years old and I took it again in my late 20’s – probably 28 or so. It is a pain to have to be tested each month to make sure you aren’t pregnant because YES, it is SERIOUS stuff, but I haven’t had any issues (that I am aware of) as a result of taking it.
I hope you can find somethign that works for you. I have heard good things about ProActiv, but I have not tried it.
Good luck to you! I feel your pain. I had bad skin as an adult and it does affect your outlook and that really SUCKS!
You are beautiful – sailor mouth and all! 🙂 I appreciate the honesty and straightforwardess of you!
GOOD LUCK and thank you for your inspiration to all of us! 🙂
Retin A. prescribed by your dermatologist. clears up acne and prevents wrinkles. not as invasive as Acutane. I would try Retin A first.
I log on daily to read your blog, sorry you are down, but you always cheer me up.
A lil acne= single??? C’mon JB!! I look at this shit they way you talk about some of your recipes. Sometimes it may not look how you would want it to when its done right? But once you take a taste you can’t stop. Yes there are some out there that would stick to appearance without even taking a taste… F them!! If the recipe is the same time and time again it will not matter how its presented..period! Gonna make these tonight EST
At least see a dermatologist. There are steps you can take before Accutane. For example, I’m on oral antibiotics, topical antibiotics, and topical T-retinoin. it totally works! I was in your shoes for about 10 years and it got so bad I didn’t leave the house unless I absolutely had to. My skin is so much improved now. I have to give it time for the scars to heal/fade. And still single but whatevs.
I forgot to mention I was previously on accutane. it worked. Lots of dryness but no other major side effects. The big disadvantage of being on it now is that i’d have to go in for monthly pregnancy tests and that’s more free time than I have.
do whatever you think you need to do to get the results you need, try it, if it doesn’t work, you tried, but always remember you are only as beautiful as you feel, but seriously if a man doesn’t see your beauty, fuck him, he isn’t worth it, your a cool, amazing, hot ,smart, rocking body, chef, beautiful women, and that comes from a chick, straight!