Wearing high heels anywhere is so unrealistic. Especially while drinking. I’ve figured out, my toes almost always swell when I drink. Seriously, they get hot, swell up, and get tingly. Like when you’re on an airplane. Or pregnant. At least that’s what I’ve heard. I’ve never been with child.
I say this because I’m watching Sex and the City. But also, because I wore heeled boots out a week ago and my toes were crying after 2 or 7 shots of vodka. And when my toes cry, I whine. I’m an only child, so I’m sure you can imagine how often whining occurs. Answer: #fartoooften. I hate myself sometimes. And my toes. My chubby, drunk toes.
Speaking of drinking times, as you may know, the season finale of The Bachelor was on the other night and that meant girls night. And girls night includes food, more food, drinks, and more drinks. And gossip. It’s the best part. We decided for the finale, we would drink every time someone on the show said ‘connection’ or ‘love’. So I’m sure you can imagine how many drinks were downed. But that’s not what’s important here….
Sean chose….Catherine. WTF?!?! Are you serious? I was screaming at the TV. I’m not sure if it was the booze talking, but I was mad either way. This show is already complete bullsh*. I mean every single girl thinks she is in love with a guy after a couple weeks. And when I say a couple weeks, I am exaggerating. But then they make him pick the wrong person?! After telling us he’s a born again virgin?? Are you freaking serious? Way to make the Bachelor a COMPLETE bore. I mean come on. I was in pissed off-thrown for a loop-shock. It was so disappointing. I think he picked Catherine because he knew Lindsay would jump his bones. And he’s trying to keep it in his pants after living 28 years. I guess he made the right decision. Bastard.
I’m almost positive gluten poisoned me. Seriously. After eating gluten, then drinking a bottle of Kim Crawford, my stomach is f*cked. I am resisting to blame it on the alcohol. That would be out of my system by now. But this gluten from last week is haunting me. I’m pretty sure gluten is a parasite and this parasite is making babies in my insides that are very hungry children. Most are. And now they are drunk parasite children. What I’m trying to say here is, my insides hate me. I’m staying away from sugar, alcohol, and new restaurants. My life just got boring, didn’t it? Damnit.
My Meat Sauce I Put On Everything
Ingredients
- 1 pound ground chicken
- 1 pound bulk pork mild italian sausage
- 1 yellow bell pepper, diced
- 1 red bell pepper, diced
- 1 yellow onion, diced
- 2 (14 ounce ) cans of tomato sauce
- 3 garlic cloves, minced
- 1 teaspoon garlic powder
- 1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
- ½ teaspoon dried oregano
- ½ teaspoon dried parsley
- ½ teaspoon dried thyme
- ¼ teaspoon red pepper flakes
- ½ cup fresh basil, finely chopped
- salt and pepper, to taste
- 1–2 tablespoons fat of choice (I used bacon fat)
Instructions
- Heat up a large saucepan over medium heat, add a couple tablespoons of fat of choice then add minced garlic cloves, the bell peppers and onion along with a little salt and pepper to the pan.
- Move vegetables around until onions become translucent.
- Add ground chicken and bulk italian sausage to the saucepan and break up the meat.
- When meat has begun to cook through, add the spices.
- When meat is almost done cooking, pour in the two cans of tomato sauce.
- Salt and pepper once more, then reduce heat and let simmer for 5-7 minutes.
- When all the flavors are well mixed, add the chopped fresh basil, mix well, and serve!
- Easy peasy! Put on mushrooms, brussel sprouts, spaghetti squash, eggs, acorn squash, really anything you want. Or eat it cold. It’s pretty damn good cold.
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You’re very funny Juli! Heels suck !
This looks absolutely fabulous….
I love how you state the obvious for those of us who think it needs to be harder (ie. ‘put it on anything you want’)
I read your hashtag as Fart oooften. Can you tell I grew up with 3 older brothers? Haha. Love your blog, good eats and sense of humor.
You make me laugh so often! Thanks for your refreshing and honest outlook on life. Not to mention that your food is delicious. Keep up the good work.
Drunk toes, #FARToooften, drunk parasite children… I think our brains could be friends. Thank you for the meat sauce recipe. Everything’s better with meat. #TWSS 😉
It takes me 12+ days to recover from gluten, I so feel your pain right now….remember this the next time you want to eat it.
I hear you on the gluten. Try not to eat it any more myself, but it sneaks in there. Picked up a salmon teriyaki bowl at Whole Foods yesterday, and I think the sauce on it must have contained a fair amount of gluten. I bloated up like balloon all afternoon. Stomach cramps. You know the drill.
Sauce looks good!
Hilarious. While I may not be able to relate to your shoe pain, I could relate to the last part (“What I’m trying to say here is, my insides hate me. I’m staying away from sugar, alcohol, and new restaurants. My life just got boring, didn’t it? Damnit.”) — after avoiding it, I can say that though my life is a bit boring (and my GI tract seems to have won this round), my insides feel better.
Do you have any good corned beer, or St. Patrick’s day recipes?! Or did I just ruin the surprise? /;
no, gosh dang it. sorry to disappoint Stephanie
Julie, can you freeze your meat sauce?
Yep
Definitely blame it on gluten. And high heels. Not on alcohol 😉
Sauce looks yummy, thanks for the recipe !
Heels are the bane of my existence. When I lived in Vegas I wore them a lot. I’m so glad to be back in Colorado where it’s not expected that girls *always* wear heels. I get away with wearing them far less often. Which makes my feet very happy.