Have you ever had a muscle cramp hurt so bad that you almost threw up? I have. In my inner thigh. Inner thigh cramps are by far the worst thing because the cramp creeps up to your crotch. And nobody wants a crotch cramp. Nobody.
Enough about crotch cramps, you perve. Onto serious matters. My credit card hates Pittsburgh. Seriously. Every time I come here, every store denies it. Even when I call the bank to say “Hey, stop freaking out and thinking I’m a thief who loves Pittsburgh”, it still doesn’t work. What’s up with that? Where my bank people at? Riddle me that, bank people.
Based on my statement above, I’m guessing you understand that I’m in Pittsburgh. If not, get with it bro! I’m working on a project out here! This is my second trip for this project and so far, it’s going awesome! This is by far the most exciting project I’ve ever worked on and I’m seriously giddy with happiness. Like, weirdly happy. I still can’t officially talk about the project, but believe me, you probably won’t be nearly as excited as I am. Or maybe you will! If that’s so, then I really like you. Anywho, yesterday was my first day of working on the project and the day went perfectly. I made pretty much the most adorbs street tacos of all time.
You guys, guess what? My little Jackson dog is kind of sick. Now don’t you freak out, he’s ok, but the poor guy has an upset stomach. So get this: the morning of my flight to Pittsburgh, I was awaken by Jackson vomitting. Not the greatest thing to wake up to, but things happen, vomit happens. So I didn’t think much of it, cleaned it up then curled up with him on the couch. Soon after, he started barking to go outside. His dad took him out and Jackson ran outside in a panic. Nobody wants to crap their pants inside in front of their humans. No one. This poor kid was in so much pain, I actually heard him scream from inside my apartment. Bloody murder scream. I will never get that sound out of my head, it was the most heartbreaking sound ever. So I headed off to Pittsburgh like a terrible dog mother while my boyfriend took him to the vet to get some x-rays. Turns out nothing was wrong with him. He just has a “sensitive butt”. I don’t know what that means, but I’m guessing he can’t eat apple since that was the only different thing he ate the day before. Poor guy. Look at him all curled up with his dad.
OMG dead from cuteness.
Are you upset that I talked about dog butts? Whatever. I saw way worse things talked about on instagram yesterday about human butts. Gross. Human butts are gross and should never be mentioned via instagram. Ever.
Yesterday I had a guy comment about how annoying I am. And white trash. I think he may be right. But he also did use the word “what’re” which isn’t actually a proper contraction. Shame. He could have really proved his manhood with such a rude comment if he had used proper grammar. The poor, dumb bastard.
Ooey Gooey Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Bars
- Yield: 16 1x
Ingredients
- 3/4 cup pumpkin puree
- 1/2 cup butter or ghee or coconut oil, melted + extra for greasing dish
- 1 egg, whisked
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 1 cup almond flour
- 1/4 cup tapioca flour
- 1 cup coconut sugar
- 1 tablespoon pumpkin pie spice
- 1/2 cup dark chocolate chips
Instructions
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
- Grease an 8×8 glass baking dish with ghee, coconut oil or butter.
- Mix all ingredient together in a large bowl until well combined.
- Pour mixture into baking dish.
- Bake for 30 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.
- Let cool for 10 minutes before cutting and serving.
Notes
Makes 16 squares
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You May Also Like:
Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Cups
Pumpkin Spice Chocolate Chip Energy Balls
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These look AMAZING! Could you sub the tapioca flower with arrowroot? Can’t wait to try this 🙂
Yep!
What about macademia nut flour instead of the tapioca?
Btw this is my first time commenting, but I love your blog! Its my “go to” when I’m looking for paleo creativity.
Quick question (and perhaps a silly one): May I add whole egg instead of just egg white? I’m a mega-fan of the egg yolk. Most nutritious part of the egg. Otherwise, LOVE your recipes, thanks:)
i’m confused, my recipe doesn’t call for just egg whites
Lol it’s “one egg, whisked,” not one egg white! 🙂
Yay! I have arrowroot but not tapioca.
I think the correct ratio for subbing is 1Tbsp Arrowroot for 2Tbsp of tapioca..but that is Googled…wondering if anyone has any real life experience? I want to make these for a bake sale at work tomorrow.
A) You’re WAY too stylish to qualify as white trash (trust me; I live in central FL. I have developed a keen eye for white trash). B) Poor Jackson baby! My dog had the pukes the other week — like 4 times in 12 hours — and it turned out that he had eaten some bones that my neighbors threw in their yard. WHO DOES THAT? Hope the pup recovers quickly!
throwing bones out in the yard sounds like somethng that would happen in lake city or live oak, fl.
Yeah, my shah tsu got hold of some apples that fell from my parents’ tree and–let’s just say–it wasn’t purty. On the other hand, he eats much more taboo items that don’t seem to bother him at all. Go figure. Oh, and the recipe looks good!
Woke to fussy babies and a tornado warning. Animals that refuse to go out in the rain and two sick chickens. 15 minutes ago I got this recipe in my inbox, day is looking brighter! Making your Chorizo meatloaf tonight and this for dessert! And your comments about the “poor, dumb bastard”, LOL!
Thanks for the laugh, I was in need of one.
Oh no poor Jackson! Excited for your Pittsburgh project! And loving the look of this treat!
Poor puppy! When ours had to get her stitches out after her spay, she cried and screamed because they were so tight on her little belly. I lost my shit in the vet’s office and my husband had to help hold her down so the vet could cut them out. Awful.
And I love that the guy trying to throw you an insult couldn’t even use proper grammar. LOL!
I so love you!!!
Sorry to hear about Jackson. I hate it when the fur babies are hurting.
You are far from white trash! There will always be haters trying to rain on your parade. I love that fact that you speak your mind. We can always count on you to tell us how you really feel!
Best end to a blog post EVER.
Dying of laughter at that last paragraph. I love when people take the time to post something shitty. What a douche canoe.
Can I substitute coconut flour for the almond flour?