Have you ever had a muscle cramp hurt so bad that you almost threw up? I have. In my inner thigh. Inner thigh cramps are by far the worst thing because the cramp creeps up to your crotch. And nobody wants a crotch cramp. Nobody.
Enough about crotch cramps, you perve. Onto serious matters. My credit card hates Pittsburgh. Seriously. Every time I come here, every store denies it. Even when I call the bank to say “Hey, stop freaking out and thinking I’m a thief who loves Pittsburgh”, it still doesn’t work. What’s up with that? Where my bank people at? Riddle me that, bank people.
Based on my statement above, I’m guessing you understand that I’m in Pittsburgh. If not, get with it bro! I’m working on a project out here! This is my second trip for this project and so far, it’s going awesome! This is by far the most exciting project I’ve ever worked on and I’m seriously giddy with happiness. Like, weirdly happy. I still can’t officially talk about the project, but believe me, you probably won’t be nearly as excited as I am. Or maybe you will! If that’s so, then I really like you. Anywho, yesterday was my first day of working on the project and the day went perfectly. I made pretty much the most adorbs street tacos of all time.
You guys, guess what? My little Jackson dog is kind of sick. Now don’t you freak out, he’s ok, but the poor guy has an upset stomach. So get this: the morning of my flight to Pittsburgh, I was awaken by Jackson vomitting. Not the greatest thing to wake up to, but things happen, vomit happens. So I didn’t think much of it, cleaned it up then curled up with him on the couch. Soon after, he started barking to go outside. His dad took him out and Jackson ran outside in a panic. Nobody wants to crap their pants inside in front of their humans. No one. This poor kid was in so much pain, I actually heard him scream from inside my apartment. Bloody murder scream. I will never get that sound out of my head, it was the most heartbreaking sound ever. So I headed off to Pittsburgh like a terrible dog mother while my boyfriend took him to the vet to get some x-rays. Turns out nothing was wrong with him. He just has a “sensitive butt”. I don’t know what that means, but I’m guessing he can’t eat apple since that was the only different thing he ate the day before. Poor guy. Look at him all curled up with his dad.
OMG dead from cuteness.
Are you upset that I talked about dog butts? Whatever. I saw way worse things talked about on instagram yesterday about human butts. Gross. Human butts are gross and should never be mentioned via instagram. Ever.
Yesterday I had a guy comment about how annoying I am. And white trash. I think he may be right. But he also did use the word “what’re” which isn’t actually a proper contraction. Shame. He could have really proved his manhood with such a rude comment if he had used proper grammar. The poor, dumb bastard.
Ooey Gooey Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Bars
- Yield: 16 1x
Ingredients
- 3/4 cup pumpkin puree
- 1/2 cup butter or ghee or coconut oil, melted + extra for greasing dish
- 1 egg, whisked
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 1 cup almond flour
- 1/4 cup tapioca flour
- 1 cup coconut sugar
- 1 tablespoon pumpkin pie spice
- 1/2 cup dark chocolate chips
Instructions
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
- Grease an 8×8 glass baking dish with ghee, coconut oil or butter.
- Mix all ingredient together in a large bowl until well combined.
- Pour mixture into baking dish.
- Bake for 30 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.
- Let cool for 10 minutes before cutting and serving.
Notes
Makes 16 squares
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You May Also Like:
Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Cups
Pumpkin Spice Chocolate Chip Energy Balls
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Does Jackson eat commercial dog food. I haven’t even blogged about this, because people will think I’m crazy.
I almost killed our Cavalier by feeding him commercial dog food. I gave him the most expensive, grain free stuff out there.
Our vet did a gazillion dollars worth of tests. He was so sick. The vet thought he might die. I kept asking about the dog food.
I told her that I stopped giving it to him the last time he was vomiting and had diarrhea, and he got better.
She said, “No. There’s no way it’s the food.”
I didn’t listen to her. I stopped giving it to him again, and went back to homemade food. He’s been fine every since. That was about 6 months ago.
Sorry so long. Just wanted to share, in case it helps. Jackson is ridiculously cute.
Could I sub coconut flour for the almond flour?
I’m so sorry to hear about Jackson! I went through the same exact thing with my yorkie this past summer. After spending thousands at our vet & not getting solid answers, I finally decided to see a holistic vet. She recommended that we switch him to a raw diet & have him take digestive enzymes, essential fatty acids, entertic (helps with the digestive lining) & probiotics. He’s been doing great ever since! I just thought I’d share since I wish someone would have told me when we were going through it.
Hey Julie,
From one dog lover to another. Canned pumpkin works wonders for dogs who have upset stomach, etc…
I second the canned pumpkin. My yorkie would screech bloody murder. Thankfully his vet decided he was constipated instead of running expensive tests. I give him canned pumpkin and he never has issues anymore.
But seriously, white trash? He needs to come on down to North Louisiana and re-define his version of “white trash.” People are so hateful. And apparently bored with their own silly lives.
I also support the comments about the pumpkin. My poor pup also got really sick on one of the grain-free foods we gave him and this helped him come out of that. And we changed his food to a very simple, very little ingredient food. He’s right as rain now. Poor pup used to sit hit bum on the cement on our patio for relief. it was so sad. Much love and healing vibes for Jackson! And that jerk who made the comment is a total DOUCHE CANOE!
Yes! Pumpkin isn’t just for yummy human treats- dogs really benefit from the fiber. I have been feeding it to my dogs for over 10 years! I have had to go to 3 or 4 stores to find it when it is ‘out of season’ and resorted to ordering it online. For me, I will make these bars. I hope Jackson is much better.
Yes! My dog had a really sensitive tummy when we first took her home from the shelter…about six months of putting a little pumpkin in her food twice a day worked wonders.
And thank you to Alyson above for saying exactly what I was thinking about substitutions 🙂
these look amazing! could you sub tapioca with coconut flour?
Making these for my gym’s Halloween party!! Also I’m glad you’ve got a grammar filter — don’t listen to the haters and especially those who are dolts.
can you use stevia instead of coconut sugar??
Haven’t tried
I substituted 1 tsp liquid stevia for the sugar and it turned out fine. I did add a little bit of coconut flour though to make up for the missing dry ingredient, maybe 1/8 cup. Very very yummy, our new favorite recipe!!
Can you substitute coconut flour?
Ohhh poor Jackson! Half to second the comment on commercial food. Our rat-jack Brisket almost died from feeding him blue buffalo grain free kibble. He was about 8months old and started having crazy problems. Took him to vet they said he was in kidney failure!! Luckily he is great now, IMMEDIATELY took him off the food now I’m his “sort order cook” lol!
Can I substitute a gluten free all purpose flour blend for the ¼ cup tapioca flour?