Pineapple Chimichurri Guacamole


Wait, I need to tell you a back story real quick. So in college, this couple we knew were THE WORST couple. They fought all the time, seemed to hate each other, but stuck it out together. One night, under the influence of lots of alcohol, they got in a fight per usual. I think they broke up or something and in the middle of the street, he knelt down and pounded his fists on the ground screaming, “WHY GOD WHY?” I’m sure they got back together 40 seconds later, which makes that story even better. So if you ever see me saying, “WHY GOD WHY?!”…well, now you know why. Because that moment in my college life will never leave my memory. I can’t remember my what I ate for lunch yesterday, but I remember that drunken moment.

But back to the point, can football season just not happen this year? That would be pretty rad! Think of all the weekends we would have back! All the extra valuable moments I would get with my husband. All the extra Sundays we could do cool sh*t with. But no. Fall and winter are ruined with 4 hour games followed by more games. Followed by Monday night games. Which sucks extra bad since my husband works Monday – Saturday. Ughhhhhhh I hate football so muuuuuuuch. Why couldn’t I have fallen in love with a many who hated sports? No scratch that, hated football. What new hobby should I take up this winter on Sundays? And please don’t say knitting. I’ll be working out every Sunday from now on to at least do something, but then what? Work more? That seems lame for a Sunday. Help me, hobby people!

Maybe I should just start taking trips every weekend. Pretend that I’m made of money and just go anywhere that pops into my head. Is it weird that I’ve already started planning my 30th birthday and I’m only 28. I don’t even care that much about birthdays, but since people go all out for that one, I’m gonna do the same. It just gives me an excuse to plan a trip. And I want it to be awesome. So I need to plan now and pick where it’s going to be so I can start saving. People keep talking about me having babies and instead I keep saving money for my 30th birthday! Shut your face, baby pushers!!!


Pineapple Chimichurri Guacamole

  • Yield: 4-6 1x


  • 1/3 cup chimichurri (or whatever amount you prefer)
  • 2 avocados, mashed
  • 2 garlic cloves, minced
  • ½ jalapeno, minced
  • 1/2 red jalapeno, minced
  • ¼ red onion, minced
  • 23 tablespoon cilantro, minced
  • 1/2 teaspoon granulated garlic
  • ½ teaspoon cayenne pepper
  • salt, to taste
  • juice of 1 lime
  • 1/2 cup cubed pineapple (make the pineapple into bite size pieces for easy dipping and eating)


  1. Make chimichurri then set in fridge to cool.
  2. Make guacamole. Mash the avocado then add garlic, jalapeños, red onion, cilantro, granulated garlic, cayenne pepper, salt and lime juice. Mix then taste to see if it needs any more salt.
  3. Fold in 1/3 cup chimichurri with the pineapple then place in the fridge to chill for 30+ minutes before serving. Or eat right there. You’re a grown up, you decide.

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PaleOMG Pineapple Chimichurri Guacamole


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Oh, Hi! I’m Juli.

I’m a food hoarder. And a really bad dancer. If you don’t know me well, you will probably not understand my humor. Therefore, I apologize ahead of time. Thanks for listening to my ramblings of my ever-changing life and trusting my kitchen mishaps. Your trust in me is appreciated.


37 thoughts on “Pineapple Chimichurri Guacamole”

  1. Football is the worst sport ever. I do not understand how it is so interesting/fun/exciting to watch! to me it is so boring. Run two seconds, stop for a minute. Run for 5 seconds, stop for 2 minutes. So boring. Luckily, we got rid of our cable so no football for our house! (insert purple smirking devil emoticon from iphone here)

    I bought your newest cookbook on Amazon today and I cannot wait for it to get here! I have been wanting to buy it for months now. I make 2-3 of your recipes each week and there is not one that I have not loved. Also, I love your décor tab and can’t wait for you to add more to it! I have serious envy over your home and your wardrobe. Very inspiring!

  2. Amen to hating football and silencing the baby pushers! My husband and I both turned 30 this year and you know what, we’re pretty happy enjoying the years we have just the two of us. So I say keep on saving towards an epic birthday shindig! And keep on hating football, because that shit ruins weekends.

    Also, happy one year birthday to Juli Bauer’s Paleo Cookbook! It is an absolute staple in our kitchen!

  3. Hahahahah that story is amazing. I wonder if they’re still together? We have a couple like that that we’re friends with, unfortunately though, the funny side never really comes out…
    Hope you find a hobby soon! Maybe start playing Pokemon Go? Hehe

  4. I wanted to go all out for my 30th, but I’m not a planner. I ended up at a mexican restaurant on Cinco de Mayo where my friends thought it would be funny to tell the waiter it was someone else’s birthday. They were so busy that they never brought me my cheese dip and I missed out my free dessert. I’m not sure why. Maybe they were just too busy to handle it. I am full of regrets. Make your 30th birthday awesome because mine was the worst.

  5. Ugh totally agree with you. I have to be a college football fan since I’m a Notre Dame alum, but I could totally do without the NFL. It just ruins Sundays. My boyfriend told me he couldn’t go out to dinner on my birthday because the first Patriots game of the season is on ???? So rude. Stupid football

  6. LOL @ drunken college moments stuck in your memory. So much drama!

    As for football, I live half a mile from a major University football stadium, so, uuuuuugh. I have to print out the schedule every year and highlight the home games so I know when traffic is going to be ridiculous and I shouldn’t leave the house. “Luckily”(?) the team is pretty awful so there’s not as much traffic as when they were good!

  7. You are hilariouYou forgot to include the Thursday night games 🙂 We are a big football family and soon , yes, all we will do is watch Football on Sundays, Monday nights and Thursday nights. We are season ticket holders too. I just had to laugh at your comments though. Love your bluntness!
    But, while we are watching football, this gauc will be added to the Sunday afternoon menu!

  8. Ok, Juli, bear with me…. I am about to suggest a solution. It worked for me, but it took some time. I got sick of feeling left out and annoyed by the whole football thing, so I asked my husband what he liked so fudging much about it? What the hell is so interesting? He was happy and excited that I was finally taking an interest so he really took the time to explain the game to me. He and my sons made it fun to watch with them, and so ya know what? I actually enjoy it now. I will even watch a game when the boys aren’t even home! It did take a couple of seasons, but I admit I am a real football fan now and I kind of look forward to it. Please don’t hate me….

    1. lol no hate! i actually understand football from boyfriends in the past, but it just doesn’t interest me because it’s hours and hours of the same shit! you’re sitting on a couch watching people workout instead of you doing it yourself. it makes me feel lazy lol

  9. I love football! I’m so excited for this season to start. There’s just nothing better than a lazy Sunday snuggling with your dogs and hanging with your man, screaming at the TV!

  10. Amen to that! My bf LOVES watching Sunday football. All day. Every game. From 11AM-9PM. During the winter I do not mind if the weather is yucky, but when it’s fall and gorgeous out, I cannot stand sitting inside all day. I make plans with the girls or my sister. I do not mind a Bronco game here and there though…especially if they are winning!

    Maybe I just need to make more yummy snacks like this recipe to get through the day. Thanks for this!

  11. I just want to know… Did your two friends get married? Hahaha because it seems that people like that just NEVER learn. AND I do love football. Maybe just use it as inspiration to make dishes that people can eat during the season? Not that you don’t already have TONS!!!

  12. I am a big fan of gym and then Sunday brunch with the girls! Do it! We used to do brunch at a sports bar to meet guys, but then we realized this would be our lives if we actually dated any of these dudes … no thank you. So, now we hit the gym to get our sweat on and then hit up some mimosas. Most places have tvs on anyway so there is always some game on. I just don’t have to sit there eating wings and drinking beer (in my pre-paleo days) trying to impress some guy who just wants to do shots and lose money on his team (great people watching tho … there was this one Jets fan who looked like George Costanza and would scream UNACCEPTABLE everytime they made a mistake). Luckily, I met a guy who likes football but doesn’t have a specific team and doesn’t seem stoked that football season is coming up. Music to my ears … he also doesn’t mind my Sunday brunch dates with my girlfriends – score! But hanging with the girls, having some delish brunch in your gym clothes isn’t all that bad!

      1. Ha ha … most of mine are married and hard to get to a brunch! Lol…I try to pick brunch spots that have some tv’s so they can still see. Or I make them feel guilty for trying to watch and not having girl time haha. Mimosa guilt is the best. I’ll cross my fingers for your anti-football season!!

  13. My husband and I went away on a short holiday for my 30th. On my birthday we went to an amusement park and rode roller coasters all day… Was awesome!

  14. hahaha oh the dichotomy. your life is over when football season starts, meanwhile me & every single person i know has been running around for the past week shouting “thank GOD football is back!” …. and it is only the preseason at that.

    i definitely knew that same couple in college though. pretty sure everyone has had one of those cross their path in high school/college.

  15. Okay well this looks incredibly delicious!! Definitely gotta try this fun variation of guac. Anddd I’m with you on the football. I grew up in the south where football is huge but as I’ve gotten older I seriously never make an effort to watch it at all. It was a fun atmosphere when the Broncos won last year but I barely even watched the game lol.

  16. ‘What a grand waste of time!’ It makes me laugh to think how excited/upset/crazy people go watching a bunch of grown-ass running around, chasing a ball, and getting paid MILLIONS! Am I the only one that thinks this is dumb? I only wish people had that much passion for things that mattered in the world. SMH.

    This is all to say…I’m with you…and grateful my hubby doesn’t get consumed with it 😛 Ain’t nobody got time for that.

  17. I love football, but I don’t even know how much of it I actually get to watch on Sundays. We have people over EVERY. SINGLE. SUNDAY. And we have such a good time hanging out watching the game cooking eating and laughing and unwinding. The weekend pretty much revolves around game day, I make sure to get all my groceries and errands done on Saturday, and if I work out on Sunday to make sure I am home early enough to get my shit together and have food going on time. It’s so exciting when your team does well, too! I didn’t used to always love having a football party every Sunday, but since we built our new house and the entire kitchen living and dining area is all wide open, its a super enjoyable way to hang out with everyone. It’s probly cause I’m old lol! See what you have to look forward to in a few years??? Don’t worry, it will be fun!

  18. Oh man I love you. FOOTBALL SEASON IS SO TERRIBLE. I think it has ruined fall for me. Football and instagram pics of girls in blanket scarves throwing leaves in the air with the hashtag #pumpkinspiceeverything. Honestly the high point of football is it’s an excuse to make the sticky wings from your cookbook. Sole highlight, the rest is terrible, especially when I think of how much money football players are making to go out there and concuss one another.

    Anyways, I completely cackled at your mention of “THAT” couple bc I think every person on earth knows one of those couples. When I think of all of the time at parties in college spent negotiating their arguments like a goddamned hostage situation… the worst (and they got married in the end… and divorced, obviously).

    And the baby pushers need to HUSH. Just get more frenchies and call it a day for now – and I say that from a position of authority as someone who has both a kid AND a frenchie. Only one of those two actually likes sleeping (not the kid).

  19. I like football but my husband is obsessed. He wants to watch Red Zone all day on Sunday. I mean ALL DAY. It starts at 1pm and doesn’t end until 8 (it hops around from game to game with zero commercials). And then he wants to watch the Sunday night game. This is after watching college football all day on Saturday. I’m over it by the 2nd week of the season.
    It is also not weird that you are already planning your 30th! I went on a cruise for mine and it made turning 30 easier by being out of the country and away from reality. Enjoy!!! 🙂

  20. I am SO glad I am not the only one who HATESSSSS football, and I am in the south , and i just cant get into it, anywayyy bought your cookbook,
    and i LOVE it!! you have made paleo so easy and delish for me and my hubs( who is super picky) cant wait to cook through it! the fish tacos were to
    DIE for!

  21. OMG, agree with football comments! We don’t watch it, but it is so annoying how everyone else is obsessed with it! Also not weird to plan your 30th waaay in advance: I planned my 30th since I was 26 – I celebrated in Paris this year 🙂

  22. This is amazing – love the pineapple in it – and I’m going to go look up the chimichurri now. – Great brunch ideas!

  23. Oh golly, don’t even start with me on football season. It’s why I don’t watch sports haha! But I just go to the parties for the guacamole–NO JOKE.

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