Life should always include a lemonade in hand when sunshine is a blazin’ during summertime festivities. And when I say festivities, I mean anything you do throughout the day. Workout out – lemonade. Going to the bathroom – lemonade. Walking the dog – lemonade. Yelling at the kids while they ruin the house since they are home from school for the summer – lemonade.
Speaking of kids, over the weekend I went to a BBQ that included all friends that either have children or are pregnant. For me, a person that has no yearning to have children at the moment, I still enjoy talking to people about their kids. I like hearing their different experiences, their ups and downs, the love for their children. I like hearing all of it. What I do not like is when they start hounding me about making babies, even after I say I’m not ready. Or tell me that my husband isn’t getting any younger. It makes me not want to have children even more, just to spite them. I just hate when people act like having children isn’t a big deal. It’s a big f*cking deal. And to someone like me, it’s a very scary deal. I just wish I had more friends that understood that, or at least respected it.
Sorry to get all deep on ya today. These situations just continue to happen and that anxiety weighs pretty heavy on me for a few days after it’s brought up. And it just feels like the weight is completely on me. Whenever these friends bring up having kids or are pushing me to have kids, it feels so disingenuous. Not like they hope I have kids to experience a love that is so incredibly pure, but instead, they hope I have kids so they have someone to commiserate with. That’s what it honestly feels like, whether it’s true or not. It’s just a weird time in my life that feels so private but so in the spotlight at the same time. It’s a weird place to be in as a woman.
Instead, I want to concentrate on a fun trip coming up. My husband has been wanting to rent a house for the whole family for a little family vacation for quite some time now. And we finally decided on Mexico. This won’t be until next year, but it’s still exciting to look forward to. If I was having a baby, we probably wouldn’t go there. Ya know, Zica and kidnappings and all that jazz. But since I’m without child and don’t plan on being with child, we can all go. And I can go to Aspen in a couple weeks. And the Caribbean in August. And I can also drink lemonade in a quiet house, filled with simple puppy snores. Seems like a pretty good deal to me. But who am I to judge? I’m the old 29 year old married woman that still isn’t pregnant. What do I know.
I just thought about what it must be like reading my blog for the first time, knowing nothing about me. Tough one to walk into. But I promise I’m positive 34% of the time!
Strawberry Peach Lemonade
- Yield: 6-8 1x
Ingredients
- 2 cups roughly chopped strawberries
- 2 cups roughly chopped peaches
- 3/4 cup raw honey
- 1/2 cup water
- 2 cups fresh lemon juice (about 6–8 large lemons)
- 6 cups water
Instructions
- Place strawberries, peaches, honey and 1/2 cup water in a medium saucepan over medium heat and let reduce for 10 minutes. Let cool for another 10 minutes then place in a high speed blender and blend until completely combined.
- Strain mixer through a sieve into a large pitcher and then add lemon and 6 cups of water. Mix to combined then place in the fridge to cool completely.
- Serve lemonade over ice!
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I have learned over the last few years that everything people do or say has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. They could very well be pushing because they’re not able to deal with the fact that you are still free to do whatever you want whenever you want and they want you to do what they’re doing so they feel better about their own decision. I could also be pulling all this out of my ass since I don’t know your friends. But my thoughts are the only two people who get any say in if/when you have kids are the two people who will be creating/caring for said kid. End of discussion. Also on a totally different subject and I hope this isn’t offensive in anyway, but that girlfriend on the Bachelorette this week legit could have been your sister! I saw her and I was like “wtf is Julie doing?!”
it really does feel like that! and i totally take that offensively hahahahaha
We were married ten years before kids and I feel your pain….we were hounded all the time. Our response was “We practice making babies every night”…haha. That usually shut people up.
Boo to people with deadlines. My husband and I have been saying 5-10 years for the last 5 years (newsflash: it’ll be at least 5 more years). Meanwhile his sister got pregnant within 2 weeks of getting married and that alone gives me anxiety…which confirms that I am not ready for my own yet.
I am 53 years old, and we waited too – my husband and I used to wonder what everyone would ask once we did have kids – “When are you moving into assisted living?” As an aside, we had three boys, and I still have people telling me we should have another so we could have a girl. For sure it works just like that.
The lemonade looks divine. And made to add a shot of vodka to.
hahaha omg that’s so ridiculous!
I will be 36 later this summer and am childless by choice. I’m also single by choice. I got a lot of those questions–Don’t you want to get married? Don’t you want kids?–when I was in my 20’s, but people got the idea at some point when I got in my 30’s and the questions slowed down. Almost all of my friends have children, some as many as 4, and that’s fine if that’s what they want, but it’s not what I want. My parents were more accepting than my friends, and I think it’s because my friends want to share that part of their life with me….do married couple things and have play dates for the kids…but I enjoy living for me and doing what I want when I want it. I have dogs and cats, and I love them to pieces (especially my dogs). Besides, there are enough children in this world, and I simply don’t feel the need to bring another into it. I may adopt at some point…I’ve considered that before. Anyway, my point is, YOU DO YOU! Don’t let anyone pressure you into living their reality!
I’m 30, I’ve been married for 3 years and have no plans for kids anytime soon!! And I absolutely hate when people tell me I’m not getting any younger! I feel your pain, so let’s ignore them together! I’m really enjoying my child-less 30s!
it’s the worst
Hey Juli- Quick question for ya.. I’m looking at purchasing a blender (have a basic ninja blender now) and want to upgrade but don’t want to spend my life savings on one! Do you recommend the Blendtec that you have posted? Not sure I can sleep well at night spending $800 on a blender. My husband would probably have a cow! I’ve also heard good things about Vitamix…Ninja Professional… Just need your thoughts.–Thank you!!
PS. TOTALLY wait to have kids.. like you talked about in your podcast about getting a tattoo.. definitely wait!! We have 3 year old twins at home and it’s just as fun as it sounds! : )
i’ve loved my blendtec with the small mixer it comes with. i honestly use it every single day! so i would definitely recommend it which is why i link it! i also love my ninja blender too, but i use my blendtec more. and i love the – it’s as fun as it sounds hahahaha!
Just know that it goes for any situation that you would be in… if you did already have a kid.. people would hound you for when you’re “supposed” to give them a sibling (like its as easy as wrapping a present or something.) For some reason people always think that their opinions are wanted- when they’re totally not. Im 28 and I have a 1.5 year old ( was totally not prepared to get pregnant when we did- but she’s the absolute BEST).. and people who i’ve known for 2 minutes think it’s their job to tell me when i NEED to give her a sibling (she cant even talk yet so how do they know she wants one?) Or that now its time for a boy. Shut your face people.. and unless your coming to my house to change diapers and wake up in the middle of the night– i don’t need your 2 cents.
Dont let them make you anxious. Not worth it!
I think the weirdest part for my husband and me (we’ve been married 10 years and we are both 32) is that when we were newlyweds (22 year olds with absolutely no money or stability) people asked us alllll the time about kids. Now, a decade later, as stable 32 year olds with retirement plans and such, no one asks. I guess they figured out we aren’t planning on it but it does also suggest to me that the commenter above who said it’s kind of like talking about the weather for people is right–particularly the first 1-3 years of marriage people just don’t know what else to ask you…which is super dumb. How about what I do every day? What my work or career is? What I do for fun or to stay in shape? A good book I’ve read or show I’ve watched recently? Etc etc. People are mostly awful. :-/
I am 38 and my husband and I have two fur babies. Living in NE, we hear all the time about not having kids. Like it’s the thing to do: go to college, get married , have kids. I have heard it all and thankfully just this year the pressure has stopped. I even shared an article on FB Jennifer Aniston wrote about being childless and then someone called my mom and said they were concerned I was infertile. What the fu*k. Myob. (Do people say that anymore!?! Well I just did). So that caused a whole big thing with my mom. Thankfully she understands. I keep waiting for “the feeling” or the “yearning” and it’s not happening. After years of beating myself up for feeling inferior because I don’t want kids I can finally say I have arrived at a peace with it. When people say to me, “but you would be a great mom!” I say “well do you want to come over for the 4am feedings when I just can’t deal?!” No? Didn’t think so. I have a career, my husband owns his own practice, we travel. Marriage is hard enough as it is without throwing a kid in the mix. I wish people had more self awareness when they say things to people about marriage and or kids. Juli, you do you and don’t worry about what others think. 9 years into the future when you are my age you will be so glad you didn’t waste your 30s feeling inferior or less than a woman.
I am childless by choice, married 6 years, and every day happy with my decision. We got married at age 30 and were hounded with questions about kids for the first year or so of marriage, then it died down some. At first I kind of skated around answering but finally started being more direct “No, we’re not having kids. We have two dogs and love our life the way it is. I’d be happy to babysit sometime!” When people tell me we’ll change our minds I let them know that my husband has had a vasectomy and that shuts things down pretty quickly. Guys hardly ever get asked, it’s such a double standard!
I agree that it feels like many friends with new babies just want someone to share in their misery or go on play dates with them. It does change the dynamic of some of your friendships for a while but as your friends’ kids get older they get more interested in hanging out again, and I’ve found other new like-minded friends who are more interested in travel, being active, cooking, etc. than raising kids also. A great book I read in my 20s when I was still on the fence was Two Is Enough: A Couple’s Guide to Living Childless by Choice by Laura Scott. Definitely worth a read!
thanks for the recommendation!