Haha. Whip.
You all are going to hate me. And judge me. I know it, I just know it. I kind of cheated. Well, not kind of, I did. I drank alcohol. And alcohol isn’t exactly allowed on the 21 day sugar detox. Oopsies poopsies. Ok let’s talk about why I gave in.
Sergio leaves for Afghanistan in 2 weeks. He’s also an assh*le and said that if he dies, this would be the last time we drank together. It’s not funny, but his humor blows. Give him a break. I’m kidding, I love him. So when I showed up to the bar for Sergio’s ‘see you next year’ bash, he handed me 3 shots of Grey Goose. Yes, three. Yes, I took them. Yes, my stomach was a bit woozy. But the night went wonderfully. Like, OMG good. As soon as 4 shots hit my stomach, the music finally got better. Amazing. The DJ remixed ‘Call Me Maybe’ with ‘Feel So Close’. Yeah. It was awesome. And if you don’t know those two songs, google them then imagine them making love and having a child out of wedlock. Pretty awesome.
When I got home, I drunkenly ate carrot chips. So dedicated to paleo. I got jokes! Anywho, I thankfully don’t feel guilty about it. My friend is going to Afghanistan for 6 months, I wasn’t going to be a complete douche and not drink because I’m sugar detoxing. That’s just dumb to me. And you know what, I had the best night I’ve had in a looong time. Yes, I could have danced without alcohol ruining my liver and increasing my ass size, but then I would have noticed the people staring on with offended eyes. And that would have been just embarrassing.
I left the bar literally soaking in sweat. I could even ring out the sweat from my hair. That’s a good way to get the guys. Make yourself look like a wet poodle. I was a living poodle.
Disclaimer: Drinking is bad for you. And vodka isn’t paleo. Don’t be bad.
It’s funny how I hate sports but I love the Olympics.
I watched 4 movies this weekend. By myself. I need to find a man. Damn poodles.
Oh by the way, I swear this cake isn’t as dry as it looks. I swear!
Sugar Detox Pumpkin Cake in a Mug with Chocolate Whip
- Yield: 1 1x
Ingredients
For your cake
- 1 tablespoon pumpkin puree
- 1.5 tablespoons coconut flour
- 1 egg + 1 egg white
- 1 tablespoon coconut oil
- 2 tablespoons canned coconut milk
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 1 teaspoon cinnamon
- 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
- 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
- pinch of salt
For your chocolate whip
- 1 tablespoon coconut butter
- 1 tablespoon canned coconut milk
- 1 teaspoon sunbutter (or nut butter)
- 1 teaspoon unsweetened cocoa powder
- 1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
- pinch of salt
Instructions
- Mix everything in a mug!
- Put it in the microwave for 1:30-2:30 minutes!
- While your cake cooks, mix together your chocolate whip!
- Once your cake is done (let it cool because that sh*t gets hot) and top with your chocolate whip!
- YAY sugar detox! (exclamation!)
Notes
Not on the sugar detox? Lucky. Add honey or maple syrup!
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More Sugar Detox Recipes:
Sugar Detox Cinnamon Sweet Potato Ice Cream with Toasted Walnuts
Crockpot Sugar Detox Dessert Stuffed Apples
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How much would you charge to just make this stuff for me and ship it to Utah, 84020?
Thanks so much.
You are my hero. Oh and you’re totally kick-ass-ly awesome!
Thank you….
This recipe MUST be wrong.
This was not right.
I made it twice. Both times with coconut flour.
Please edit or remove. It is inedible.
Your post is hilarious!
Crazy that there’s only 1 Tbsp of pumpkin in there. It looks like way more in your mug. It must puff up some in the microwave? I loved the carrot pudding and can’t wait to try this one. I’ll be using canned butternut squash puree though since I already have a can waiting in the cupboard.
I’m about to try this…I mayyyy sneak in a bit more pumpkin than 1 Tbs!!
I personally think it was reason for celebration. But maybe that’s just the raging College Girl in me. And PROPS for sticking with the detox! Literally I would probably get Insomnia cookies and stuff my face. You’re a champ.
I don’t own a microwave!
Love it. I cam home drunk at 3am a few weeks ago and cooked kale and eggs!?!? WTF. Worst drunk food ever, actually carrot chips is worse…. Only just.
Life first….size of ass second 😉 And have you not ever spoken to men, they LOVE big ass and yours isn’t even big. I have seen big….like a woman leaving a grocery store carrying two gallons of milk one on each ass cheek. True Story. I wish I had ass….I wish this crap up front from having babies would migrate…but no. I do 5000 situps a day for nada! lol Thats a lie. Most I have done in one day is 300. Whatever….off to WOD. Slamming recipe BTW!
Any suggestions to replace the egg? Looks so good. I’m on AIP right now, everything looks “legal” except for the egg.
You could probably do flax eggs:
http://bonzaiaphrodite.com/2011/10/how-to-make-a-flax-egg-for-vegan-baking-the-right-way/
The chocolate butter is so creative and looks delish! And I can’t believe the cake doesn’t have any coconut flour in it–is has structure and looks so cakey. I can’t wait to give this recipe a try!
It does. 1.5 tablespoons.