Valentine’s Day is just around! That means half of the world will utterly hate their day and half of the world will be over the moon. Well wait, that number isn’t correct this year. Because part of the population, both single and not single, will be at the premiere of 50 Shades of Grey. This is how I feel about that: that’s weird. I just finished the first book and there is no way that I want to see that movie around anyone else. No way dude. I’m not going to sit in a theatre will 100+ other people who are thinking dirty thoughts. Ew. You know that probably 65% of the people in that one theatre at that one time are creepy human beings. That’s just fact. I’d much rather read the book in the privacy of a nail salon while I get a pedicure. Because that’s not creepy at all.
This vday is going to be more on the boring side for us. Because the fiancé has to work. Poop. So we are planning breakfast at Snooze that morning then I bought a roll of Cappello’s paleo cooking dough to make a GIANT half baked cookie topped with ice cream to eat by myself until he gets home from work. What are you going to do on Vday? Eat dessert with your friends? Creep at a movie? Make out with your lover? Tell me everything, except the creepy parts.
Doesn’t that book bum you out that you don’t have billions of dollars? And a plane that flies to the sun. Gosh damn it, Mr. Grey.
Omg. Did you guys watch The Bachelor the other night? I always have some comment on my blog after I talk about the Bachelor telling me that they’ve lost all respect for me…but that’s ok, many people have lost respect for me over the years. Like the day I recapped my brazilian wax experience. I still go on loving Monday night Bachelor sessions. Drama is hilarious to watch. But I get it, it’s fake so why watch it. BECAUSE IT’S HILARIOUS. And every Monday, a bunch of us girls get together to eat taco salads and dessert, talk about our lives on commercials and rewind constantly because we are laughing so hard at certain moments that we miss the sweet one liners. This is my favorite one liner: “I’m a virgin…but I’m not super serious about it.” You go girl. First you gotta impressive him with keeping your virginity, but if he’s not into that kind of thing, make sure he knows that you’ll give it up at any moment. I dig your style. And one girl told us at least 14 times how her husband died while creepily laughing about it. ABC did a good job making us believe she was a murderer. She had to go. You can’t give a rose to a fake murderer on your reality show! People would get pisssssed.
Oh how I’d love to work behind the scenes on one of those shows.
Guess what?? I just finished all of the recipes for my third cookbook, Juli Bauer’s Paleo Cookbook! I turned them in to the editor on Monday to get them off of my shoulders. I’ve now written 3 cookbooks in 3 years so I’m ready for a little break and ready to start concentrating on other things. Kind of. Like writing the front matter for this third book and really put my voice into it. That part definitely isn’t done. I want this book to really feel like my blog, but prettier, because Bill and Hayley from Primal Palate are doing the photography instead of me! And then I want to start concentrating on new recipes for the blog AND planning our wedding! 2015 is going to be an awesome year. I just know it!
Now let’s get Valentine’s Day chocolate wasted!!
Valentine’s Day Almond Butter Blondies
- Yield: 9 squares 1x
Ingredients
- 1 cup almond butter
- 1/4 cup honey
- 1/4 cup maple sugar or coconut sugar
- 1 egg
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
- pinch of sea salt
- 1/2 cup dark chocolate chips
Instructions
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
- Grease an 8×8 baking dish.
- Mix together all ingredients and fold in chocolate chips.
- Pour mixture into baking dish and spread out evenly
- Bake for 20-23 minutes (the top will seem a bit soft but will harden when cooled). Let cool for about 10 minutes before slicing.
- Eat with coconut milk ice cream. Duh.
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How ’bout Some Brownies?
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I read the entire 50 Shades trilogy, hoping they would get better as i went. They didn’t. I challenge anyone who read it to read my book. I need reviews, and I’m not afraid of honesty!
http://www.amazon.com/Across-Sea-C-Lynn-Biccum-ebook/dp/B00K08SONC
Love your recipes!
Hey Juli – so I may have been under a rock, but I’ve just learned about you. Bought your book The Paleo Kitchen in fact, just yesterday. I’m a raw food chef but knew nothing of Paleo…seems my liver isn’t all that fond of cold and raw. I’m enjoying what seems to be a combination of traditional (but non-processed) and raw, and LOVE the book! Thank you.
Also, love your latest article – my husband and I are faithful viewers of The Bachelor and I LMAO at some of your comments! Thanks for doing what you do and I look forward to your latest book!
Well these look amazing. I might make a pan for myself for Valentine’s Day…
Do you have to use maple sugar or coconut sugar? Or can you use just maple syrup?
I have the same question. I don’t have maple or coconut sugar on hand…are there any substitutes or are those absolutely necessary for the recipe?
not sure, i haven’t tried it another way
I have a bad habit of reading recipes too quickly and so I actually read “maple sugar” as “maple syrup” – that’s what I used and these turned out SO yummy!!
Love the bachelor and I am going to be one of the creepsters in the theater watching 50 shades. I’ll just submerge myself in a giant bucket of popcorn so no one sees me. 😉
These blondies look amazing! Do you think they would taste the same with regular sugar?
yep!
I made these the other night—AMAZING!!! I had to hide them because my kids and hubby liked them even more! Unfortunately for me, they found them
I made these last night (there might be less than half of the pan remaining…) and they’re AWESOME. Thank you for such an easy and tasty recipe!
These were probably the best dessert I have ever had and not just of the paleo type. I don’t know what type of alchemy too place in the oven but they went in like sweet almond butter and came out blondies. Thank you!
yay!! glad you loved them!!
I just put a batch in the oven. I confess to being slightly nervous that you said “pour the batter into the pan” when my dough was stiff and had to be flattened and prodded into the corners. 10 minutes to go and they smell pretty damn good so if they do just turn out to be just dry old crumbs at least they will be delicious dry old crumbs, and if I smother them with enough coconut icecream who cares. Breathing now. .
I was worried too because mine was more dough than batter too – so I added some coconut milk and some extra egg to water it down – they turned out great but a lot more light and fluffy than dense and chewy.
Anyone know if they would be horrible without adding any extra sugars at all?
Ps. LOVE your blog!!!!