Valentine’s Day Almond Butter Blondies

Valentine’s Day is just around! That means half of the world will utterly hate their day and half of the world will be over the moon. Well wait, that number isn’t correct this year. Because part of the population, both single and not single, will be at the premiere of 50 Shades of Grey. This is how I feel about that: that’s weird. I just finished the first book and there is no way that I want to see that movie around anyone else. No way dude. I’m not going to sit in a theatre will 100+ other people who are thinking dirty thoughts. Ew. You know that probably 65% of the people in that one theatre at that one time are creepy human beings. That’s just fact. I’d much rather read the book in the privacy of a nail salon while I get a pedicure. Because that’s not creepy at all.

This vday is going to be more on the boring side for us. Because the fiancé has to work. Poop. So we are planning breakfast at Snooze that morning then I bought a roll of Cappello’s paleo cooking dough to make a GIANT half baked cookie topped with ice cream to eat by myself until he gets home from work. What are you going to do on Vday? Eat dessert with your friends? Creep at a movie? Make out with your lover? Tell me everything, except the creepy parts.

Doesn’t that book bum you out that you don’t have billions of dollars? And a plane that flies to the sun. Gosh damn it, Mr. Grey.

Omg. Did you guys watch The Bachelor the other night? I always have some comment on my blog after I talk about the Bachelor telling me that they’ve lost all respect for me…but that’s ok, many people have lost respect for me over the years. Like the day I recapped my brazilian wax experience. I still go on loving Monday night Bachelor sessions. Drama is hilarious to watch. But I get it, it’s fake so why watch it. BECAUSE IT’S HILARIOUS. And every Monday, a bunch of us girls get together to eat taco salads and dessert, talk about our lives on commercials and rewind constantly because we are laughing so hard at certain moments that we miss the sweet one liners. This is my favorite one liner: “I’m a virgin…but I’m not super serious about it.” You go girl. First you gotta impressive him with keeping your virginity, but if he’s not into that kind of thing, make sure he knows that you’ll give it up at any moment. I dig your style. And one girl told us at least 14 times how her husband died while creepily laughing about it. ABC did a good job making us believe she was a murderer. She had to go. You can’t give a rose to a fake murderer on your reality show! People would get pisssssed.

Oh how I’d love to work behind the scenes on one of those shows.

Guess what?? I just finished all of the recipes for my third cookbook, Juli Bauer’s Paleo Cookbook! I turned them in to the editor on Monday to get them off of my shoulders. I’ve now written 3 cookbooks in 3 years so I’m ready for a little break and ready to start concentrating on other things. Kind of. Like writing the front matter for this third book and really put my voice into it. That part definitely isn’t done. I want this book to really feel like my blog, but prettier, because Bill and Hayley from Primal Palate are doing the photography instead of me! And then I want to start concentrating on new recipes for the blog AND planning our wedding! 2015 is going to be an awesome year. I just know it!

Now let’s get Valentine’s Day chocolate wasted!!

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