After posting an alcoholic beverage last time and getting a little hate about it, I need to make something perfectly clear. A disclaimer, if you will. So here it is. I don’t drink much alcohol. I don’t really like the taste of alcohol. It tastes like poison to me and I would much rather have my drink virgin style. I like a cocktail out once in a while, but other than that, I much prefer dessert over a drink. And I firmly believe that if you’re trying to lose weight or continue at a certain weight, you need to stay away from alcohol. That being said, most people like alcohol. And want better options for their alcoholic beverages. So that’s what I’m here for. To give you better options. I’m not saying alcohol is good for you, I’m not saying sugar is good for you, and I’m also not saying that over eating paleo is good for you. I’m here to tell you that I believe in moderation with better choices than the crap food and drink out there. That is EXACTLY why I created this blog. Now go have a drink and relax, brooooo.

Speaking of relaxing, I kind of thought this week that I would die from a spider bite. At least I think it was a spider. But how the hell am I suppose to know what sort of creature is chomping at my leg while I sleep. Well the small bite turned into a spreading circle that turned into a purple looking bruise. It was so sketch. And itched so bad. But since I hate health insurance and dealing with it, I refused to go to the doctor. That’s where sick people are and I don’t want to get sick. So I let the bite/bruise grow then just got free doctor advice from the nurses and doctors at our gym. That’s the way to do it. I was told it wasn’t infected and shouldn’t worry. Then this morning, I killed a giant creepy spider just trying to wander by while I’m minding my own business on the total. The bastard.

I feel like I shouldn’t be talking about spiders in a Valentine’s Day blog post. Or the toilet. But that’s just how life is, ok? Ok, let’s move on. Now, do you have your Vday plans yet? Here’s what I’m thinking for Vday. Workout in the morning (so I can stuff my face later and feel less guilty about it) then brunch with my single best friend (which BTW makes no sense that she’s still single and I wish I could pawn her off on a gentleman here, pawn her off in a positive, less offensive way) then see ‘How to be single’ with her and my sister in law because anything with Rebel Wilson in it is money, then go to dinner with my lover at a restaurant that wouldn’t take my reservation over the phone and said no spots were left, so I made one with open table. So I’m more so hoping we have a reservation when we show up. I think that’s a pretty damn good Valentine’s Day!

Holy crapola….our wedding is 2 months away!!!

PaleOMG Chocolate Hazelnut Milkshake Martinis

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Valentine’s Day Chocolate Hazelnut Milkshake Martinis

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4 from 2 reviews

  • Yield: 4-5 1x



For the rim of the glasses

  • shaved chocolate (I grated dark chocolate with a zester)

For the martinis

  • 1 cup almond milk
  • 1 1/2 cups coconut milk or almond milk chocolate ice cream
  • ¼ cup chocolate hazelnut spread
  • 1 heaping tablespoon unsweetened cocoa powder
  • 1 tablespoon maple syrup
  • 1/3 cup potato or grape vodka


  1. Run your fingers under water and wipe the rim of the glass. Place the shaved chocolate on a plate and dip each glass into the shaved chocolate to cover the rim. Repeat with 4 regular sized martini glasses. Place in fridge to chill.
  2. Place all ingredients for the martinis in a high speed blender and blend until smooth and combine.
  3. Pour mixture immediately into chilled martini glasses and serve up right away!

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PaleOMG Chocolate Hazelnut Milkshake Martinis


More Drinks, Please:

Coconut Cream Chili Mango Frozen Margaritas

Thanksgiving Vanilla Bean Caramel Apple Cider Sparkling Cocktail


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  1. Kathleen says:

    Juli! Thank you for posting! I absolutely loved the jalapeno blueberry drink and this looks delicious too! As a loyal reader, with far less discipline than you, I really appreciate the fun treats and drinks you post! While your main meals are the staples in our house, every once in awhile, it’s fun to have girlfriends over and make something like these as a treat!! Thank you so much!!

  2. Christie @ PracticallyPaleo says:

    These look delicious! I never thought to put ice cream in a cocktail. Does it give it a milkshake texture?

    It’s always frustrating when I eat something non-paleo in front of someone who knows that’s my main focus. Often times, they like to point out “you know that’s not paleo, right??” Yes, I know. Yes, I’m still choosing to eat it. I’m all about moderation and not depriving myself so I don’t over indulge later 🙂

  3. Jackie says:

    I just need to say that I adore your blog. I have no idea how I found it but it is the first thing I check when I have time! You keep it real and I love that! Glad you killed the spider too!

  4. Stephanie says:

    This looks awesome and I can’t wait to try it! Just curious what the measurement is on the vodka? 1/3 cup? Thanks!

    1. juli says:

      yes, sorry about that, all fixed!

  5. Carol says:

    Just wanted to say that I love your blog and like Jackie, I feel you keep it real! I am fairly new to Paleo and I appreciate every recipe you post, whether it turns out to be a regular meal in my household or just a once in a while treat!! So thank you very much for ALL the recipes you post, and for making me laugh quite often and mostly, for your inspiration! One of my favorite blogs ever!!

  6. Vicki says:

    I’m doing a Whole30 diet right now, and I’m not a big drinker either, but I have to make this in March!

  7. Poshnessary says:

    This looks so good!

  8. Lauren Deegan says:

    This just made my Valentine’s day, great recipe. Hope you share some more.

  9. Lauren Deegan says:

    Just wanted to say thanks for this wonderful recipe and let you know that I had a totally fantastic Valentine’s day because of this.