I’m finally back in my groove at CrossFit, feeling strong again after traveling and can breathe at the miserable altitude. Luckily, I travel again this Sunday so in a few weeks, I’ll be back to being miserable at CrossFit once again! Fabulous, just fabulous. It’s crazy how fast you lose strength and endurance when you’re not doing it regularly.
I want to talk a little about something. My body has been changing recently and I’m not totally sure why. My metabolism seriously changes month to month and I never really know what I’m doing differently. My eating patterns don’t change that much, my workout schedule is always different depending how I feel, but my body is always changing.
The only thing I’ve really taken on this year is my new motto “f*ck it”. Now before you go getting all pissed at me and leaving comments about how my language is offensive, hear me out (or just stop reading). I used to worry about everything in my life before. I worried about my diet, I worried about my workouts, I constantly worried about my physique, I worried about every little thing, especially when I couldn’t control some of those things. I put myself in such a constant state of stress, I was never able to be happy. It took over my mind, my conversations and truly my life. I was unhappy. And since being constantly worried and stressed about all those things wasn’t fixing them, I just woke up one day and said “f*ck it”. Screw worrying about my diet, screw obsessing about how many workouts I do, screw staring at myself in the mirror and looking at all my imperfections. F*ck it. I was finally fed up with it. 25 years of my life were spent worrying about everything and I was honestly exhausted. And instantly, I was happier. The less I obsessed with what I was eating and just ate what I felt like in the moment (minus gluten because that doesn’t really work for me), the more my eating habits regulated. The less I worried about taking rest days, the better my body felt. And the less time I spent staring at my imperfections in the mirror, the more I learned how enjoyable life could actually be. And before I knew it, I actually lost some weight.
How much weight, I can’t be sure. I try not to get on the scale much because it doesn’t really mean much. But when I was competing in CrossFit, I wasn’t happy with my how I felt in my skin. I would look in the mirror and I just didn’t feel like I recognized myself. Now I feel like I finally do. Even though I know my body will change once again in a year like it’s done every single year since I was born, I finally know that obsessing gets me nowhere.
Have any of you gone through something similar or are trying to find that balance? Leave a comment below with your own story of personal growth!
Sunday – Group open gym workout! That means we made up our own workout.
20 minute AMRAP:
50/42 calorie row
40 KB Swings (70/55)- I used 45#
30 burpees
20 power cleans (135,95)- I used 85#
10 front squats (same weight)
5 muscle ups or 15 C2B pull ups (I did C2B pull ups)
100 double unders
I finished with 1 round at 16 kettlebell swings
Monday –
2 x Hang Squat Clean + Push Jerk + Split Jerk. Adding. (12 mins) – I think I got to 125#?
Back Squat: 4 x 5. Adding. (12 mins) – I got to 155#
7 min AMRAP OF: (3,6,9,12…)
Power Cleans (185/125) – I used 105#
Burpees Over Bar
I got to 15? I think. Sh*t I suck at this.
Tuesday –
Bent Over Row: 5 x 5. Adding. 1 sec pause on floor after each rep. (12 mins) – I got to 115#
then
15-12-9-6-3 Reps For Time Of:
Strict handstand push ups (I did mine to 1 ab mat)
Strict Pull Ups
I finished in 8:52
then
5 min AMRAP OF:
15 KB Swings (70/55)
30 Double Unders
I got 4 rounds + 26 reps
Wednesday – Rest day. Luckily it was a rest day since I decided to be an idiot and cut my thumb open, in turn spending 3 hours in urgent care getting it stitched up. Lovely.
Thursday – Another rest day because I was being super big baby about getting a tetanus shot and it hurting like a b*tch in my shoulder. It’s seriously still sore almost a week later. Stupid.
Friday –
2 x Hang Power Cleans + 1 x Push Jerk. 12 mins for a heavy set. – I got to 135#
For Time:
750/700m Row
then 2 rounds:
20 Push Jerks (155/105) – I used 85#
20 Alt Pistols – I held a 10# plate while doing pistols to help keep my heel down
then
400m Run
30 Wall Ball
I finished in 13:27
Saturday –
5 Rounds For Time Of:
7 Power Snatch (165/105) – I used 85#
15 Pull Ups
200m Run
10 Burpees
1 min rest between rounds
I finished in 20:46
I recently had a revelation and said “f*** it” too! I decided to stop recording everything bite I was eating and freaking out if I did not get a hard workout in 6 days a week. I still eat clean and exercise as much as possible, but I am not obsessed with it all. I loved reading that you went through a similar thing! The first month I gained about 5lbs, but I am happier now and it wasn’t too long before I actually saw the scale go back down! There is a difference between working towards being healthy and obsessing about it. Thanks for sharing your experience!
I love this! I love your philosophy. I have been in a spot where I didn’t feel like I belonged in my skin due to the workouts I was doing, but kept doing them. And obsessing about food. But what changed everything for me was getting pregnant. I am 4 1/2 months along and I just started listening to my body in regards to food and workouts. To be honest, there are parts of my body I like better now than I did when I was trying to do everything “right”. It’s so freeing to say “fu*k it” and listen to yourself. Our bodies are amazing, we just need to take the time to listen to them once in awhile. GREAT post!!
I can relate to absolutely everything you just said! Before CrossFit I was quite lean from years of focusing on just cardio (running/swimming). I gained so much weight after starting CrossFit that I could not fit into any of my clothes or recognize myself in the mirror. I was working out 5 times a week, often going to the gym and grinding through workouts even though I felt horribly burnt out. I was doing strict paleo at the time but the scale just kept going up and I developed a “puffy” look. Nowadays I don’t focus on the weights and have incorporated yoga and swimming back into my weekly routine. I also listen to my body and take rest days when I feel I need them. I still eat paleo-esque but I don’t obsess about food as I used to and I’ve finally started leaning out again. You’re awesome Juli!
I learned a similar lesson when I was in high school, when my junior year was absolutely horrible. I was pushed out of a friend group; by the end of the year, even if I tried to talk at the lunch table, they wouldn’t let me. It led me to many sessions with my guidance counselor and the biggest decision to switch to a different school for my senior year. Looking back, it was the absolute best thing I did for myself, even though I still get a little curious as to what would have happened if I had stayed. My therapist was absolutely amazing, and I remember clearly talking about my issues with her, and her response was, “Screw them…they don’t deserve your time and energy. They are just jealous, and that’s okay”. It still rings true for me today. I took the chance in college to get in shape, and found that when I saw old friends, I could feel my confidence go up in talking with them. College led to excessive exercise + restrictive eating…something I had to seriously break myself from. I wouldn’t take rest days and would count EVERY calorie that went into my body. Finding the CrossFit community changed my life. And I’m thankful every day for this community. It has led to more body changes, like gaining a little weight and adapting to a more paleo diet, but I’m the happiest I can ever remember being. So when people judge the type of workout I do, and how I eat, I just say f*ck it. I’m doing what makes me happy — and that is all that really matters in the long run for me.
This was an amazing post, Juli. =)