Relationships stress me out. And I’m not even in one. But many of my friends are, and their relationships REALLY stress me out. They’re so overwhelming at times. They like each other, then they hate each other. They complain about each other, then they can’t take their hands off each other. They’re like children. And I don’t like children.

I know for a fact my food will never complain, that’s why I’m in a relationship with it. I take good care of my food and it takes good care of me. We have a very understanding and healthy relationship. I may seem weird and kind of like a leper with the amount of time I spend in the house, in my kitchen, on a Friday night, but I’m sure as hell not fighting with my food at the bar, while others stare on with drunken eyes. I hate drunken people fights. I love watching them. Car wreck in human form.

The moral to this story is – annoying relationships suck. So get out of them if you are one of the people that fills their friends ears with complaints about their significant other. We don’t care. Your significant other obviously doesn’t care. So you shouldn’t care. And you should find yourself a new partner. Meaning paleo food. Like this recipe. Why wouldn’t you make CARAMEL BARS your new lover? I’ve done it twice now. Two times. Two times a lady, if you will.

4.9 from 49 reviews

Chocolate Coffee Caramel Bars
Prep time

Total time


Serves: 3-4

For the crust
  • 12 dried figs (or dates, if you prefer), stems removed
  • ½ cup almond butter
  • ¼ cup Unsweetended Shredded Coconut
  • 2 tablespoons Raw Honey
  • 3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
  • 1 teaspoon cinnamon
  • pinch of salt
For the caramel
  • 12-14 medjool dates, pitted and soaked in water for an hour
  • 5-6 tablespoons canned coconut milk
  • 3 tablespoons water
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • pinch of salt
For the topping
  • 1 cup Enjoy Life Chocolate Chips or dark chocolate, melted
  • ¼ cup canned coconut milk
  • 2 teaspoons ground coffee
  • coarse sea salt, to top

  1. First make your crust. Add all of your crust ingredients into a food processor and mix until well combined. Add the crust mixture to a bread pan and push down until the mixture is flat. Like a crust. Duh.
  2. Now add your dates and pulse until dates have broken down (less than a minute) then add your coconut milk tablespoon by tablespoon to the dates while the food processor is still running. Then add your water as well.
  3. And add your vanilla extract and pinch of salt.
  4. Process until you get a caramel. BOOM. May take 3-5 minutes, tops.
  5. Pour caramel over your crust and spread evenly.
  6. Now you will want to melt your chocolate. You could do this in a double boiler or just the microwave. I chose the latter.
  7. Melt chocolate and coconut milk together in the microwave. Heating for 30 seconds then mixing well and reheating when necessary.
  8. Once your chocolate is completely melted, add your ground coffee and mix well.
  9. Pour melted chocolate over your caramel and spread evenly.
  10. Add coarse sea salt on top of the chocolate.
  11. Put in freezer to let chocolate harden. Around 10+ minutes.
  12. Eat!!