I’m declaring Mondays as dessert days. Because I can. And want to.
Wanna know something. I didn’t even come up with this recipe title. A guy named Kyle did. He saw one of the pictures I posted on my @paleomg instagram of this delicious recipe and named it. He’s a genius. And an awesome follower. Thanks Kyle for trying my recipes often and taking great pictures of them to share with the instagram world!
Ok I need to vent. I literally cannot remember the last time I went shopping…and didn’t cry. Every single freaking time, I cry. If that’s not some bullsh*t right there, I don’t know what is. It’s just ridiculous. I work my god damn ass off in the gym, I eat pretty god damn healthy, and for what? For more god damn cellulite to show? Ughhhhh. I swear, when I was skinny and weak and jello-y, I had a lot less cellulite. But now that muscle is actually growing, muscle that I never knew I even had, my cellulite is being pushed to the surface making it look like I haven’t worked out a day in my life. I’m pissed people. Like real pissed. I don’t think there is anything in this world that I hate more than cellulite. Oh wait, people who don’t cellulite. I hate those people. Sorry for not being sorry.
Ok, let’s take a deep breath. I’m sorry for being an emotional assh*le. And I’m sorry for saying god a lot of times. My mother will be disappointed. Especially with how I worded that last sentence. Either way, I still hate you people without cellulite. Plain and simple.
Speaking of people with no cellulite, I had a partner competition with my friend Krystle this weekend. She has no cellulite, and the shortest shorts in the world. If anyone in this world can pull off stupid short shorts, it’s her. I have really good looking friends in the first place, but she may take the cake. She has a six pack, big boobs, and a great butt. It’s just bullsh*t. Thankfully I like her so I don’t talk sh*t about how perfect she is. Other than over the internet.
Anywho, she did awesome! It was her first competition and I couldn’t have been more proud to call her my competition partner. She pushed hard, she gave it her all, and she smiled through the whole thing. It was awesome to see. And the best thing is she is all signed up for an individual competition next month which will be super cool to watch. She’s just great. Watch us go!
Krystle, you’re the best. Thanks for letting me be part of your first competition. Can’t wait to see how strong you get in the next year.
Coconut Klondike Bites
- Yield: 10-12 1x
Ingredients
- 1.5 cups unsweetened shredded coconut
- 1/2 cup coconut butter or homemade coconut butter
- 1/2 cup coconut oil
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- pinch of salt
- 1 bag (10oz) of Enjoy Life Chocolate Chips or dark chocolate chips
Instructions
- Place shredded coconut, coconut cream concentrate, coconut oil, vanilla, and salt into a food processor and blend until you get a slightly chunky texture.
- Place silicone liners into your muffin tin. If you don’t have silicone liners, use regular paper muffin liners.
- Use a large spoon to scoop out about 2 tablespoons worth of coconut mixture and place into your muffin tins. Press down until flat.
- Once all your muffins liners are filled, melt your chocolate.
- Either place chocolate into a bowl and into the microwave to heat for 30 seconds, then stir, and repeat until chocolate is melted but not burnt. OR use a double boiler to melt down your chocolate. Microwave is easier for lazy people, like yours truly.
- Use a spoon once again to scoop out about 1 tablespoon of chocolate and pour onto your coconut cups until the coconut is completely covered. Repeat on all your coconut cups.
- Place in freezer for about 20 minutes or until chocolate is frozen.
- These will be very hard so you may need to let one sit for a couple minutes at room temperature before biting in. Or break your tooth. Whatever suits your fancy.
- Keep in fridge or freezer to help with chocolate melting.
- Eat and be merry.
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Hi, wondering if there’s any alternative to using the enjoy life chips? I’m weary of the cane juice… Thanks, Juli!
just find a dark chocolate you like and use that 🙂
I think that since starting CrossFit and paleo and building muscle, I see more cellulite. Stupid muscle is pushing it to the surface, right? 🙁
Today, I FREAKED out because I’m getting married this weekend and I’m not rail thin like a stereotypical bride. But my finace pointed out how strong I am and how sexy he thinks that is. And who wants to be stereotypical? NOT ME!
I am a SEXY BAD ASS! And you are even more of a SEXY BAD ASS! So don’t forget that! BAM!
This is going on the list of “must try” recipies. I just stumbled upon your site last week, and have made the pork with roasted grapes and the double chocolate protein bites. Those little chocolate balls are just about the best thing I’ve eaten since going paleo three months ago. Loved the pork too, and I agree that pork is best served with fruit. To that end, I have pork loin cooking in my crock pot with peaches andfresh ginger right now. So, thanks for the wonderful recipies, and the inspiration for my own. Will definitely be checking back on a regular basis for new ideas…
Well Miss Lady, Let me congratulate you for being at once hilarious, talented and entirely not alone in your passionate hatred of cellulite. I’m echoing many of the other comments no doubt (but I’m too hot and frankly lazy to read them all) BUT, I’m in the same boat. I have a good body fat/lean muscle ratio, despite my constant refrain of “I’m a fatty arbuckle” each time I walk near a mirror or try to shop…(which usually also involves mirrors straight out of a carnival) but the cellulite continues to haunt my posterior. Cursed cottage cheese from Hell’s dairy itself. Still, please don’t doubt for a moment that you are in fact awesome…that you inspire so many of us that are struggling along ourselves, and that thanks to your openess, humor and despicable over use of mother innapropriate language, once again I have a renewed desire to push forward with my Paleo journey….where a few moments ago I was battling my brain about whether or not I could justify eating a vat of Reeses. Go forth and prosper…and give your cellulite the bird from me 🙂 Cheers!
Juli & Krystle-
Strong work this weekend!!! Very inspiring to see you two compete. Well done.
Yummm! I know I haven’t commented in forever…my roommate took all the kitchen stuff when she moved out and I haven’t been able to make anything, hah I’m gonna have a LOT of catching up to do!!
Cant wait to make these. I think I am going to put a little mint something or other in them so they are like a coconut peppermint patty. We shall see how that turns out.
Oh, and by the way- you have my inspiration body. You just look lean and strong. I was cursed with thighs that no matter how hard they are, or fit they are, they will always touch. So no lovely short shorts for me because I will get damn chub rub if they slide together too much! (TMI?) Anyhow, you’re awesome, so is your bod. Keep up the amazing work and recipes… as you can see, we all love them!!
I added some coconut milk to the melted chocolate before topping these klondikes. It made it more of a ganache so the chocolate was soft and didn’t break any of my teeth! These were absolutely delicious. Like woah.
Dude – I so want your arms. You’re the shit!
I just made this… wow. Really satisfies that “it’s a hot day and I need ice cream” feeling.
I’m excited to try making this again with some different additions – maybe mint!
Yes! I want to try mint, too! Let me know how it goes 🙂