I’m declaring Mondays as dessert days. Because I can. And want to.
Wanna know something. I didn’t even come up with this recipe title. A guy named Kyle did. He saw one of the pictures I posted on my @paleomg instagram of this delicious recipe and named it. He’s a genius. And an awesome follower. Thanks Kyle for trying my recipes often and taking great pictures of them to share with the instagram world!
Ok I need to vent. I literally cannot remember the last time I went shopping…and didn’t cry. Every single freaking time, I cry. If that’s not some bullsh*t right there, I don’t know what is. It’s just ridiculous. I work my god damn ass off in the gym, I eat pretty god damn healthy, and for what? For more god damn cellulite to show? Ughhhhh. I swear, when I was skinny and weak and jello-y, I had a lot less cellulite. But now that muscle is actually growing, muscle that I never knew I even had, my cellulite is being pushed to the surface making it look like I haven’t worked out a day in my life. I’m pissed people. Like real pissed. I don’t think there is anything in this world that I hate more than cellulite. Oh wait, people who don’t cellulite. I hate those people. Sorry for not being sorry.
Ok, let’s take a deep breath. I’m sorry for being an emotional assh*le. And I’m sorry for saying god a lot of times. My mother will be disappointed. Especially with how I worded that last sentence. Either way, I still hate you people without cellulite. Plain and simple.
Speaking of people with no cellulite, I had a partner competition with my friend Krystle this weekend. She has no cellulite, and the shortest shorts in the world. If anyone in this world can pull off stupid short shorts, it’s her. I have really good looking friends in the first place, but she may take the cake. She has a six pack, big boobs, and a great butt. It’s just bullsh*t. Thankfully I like her so I don’t talk sh*t about how perfect she is. Other than over the internet.
Anywho, she did awesome! It was her first competition and I couldn’t have been more proud to call her my competition partner. She pushed hard, she gave it her all, and she smiled through the whole thing. It was awesome to see. And the best thing is she is all signed up for an individual competition next month which will be super cool to watch. She’s just great. Watch us go!
Krystle, you’re the best. Thanks for letting me be part of your first competition. Can’t wait to see how strong you get in the next year.
Coconut Klondike Bites
- Yield: 10-12 1x
Ingredients
- 1.5 cups unsweetened shredded coconut
- 1/2 cup coconut butter or homemade coconut butter
- 1/2 cup coconut oil
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- pinch of salt
- 1 bag (10oz) of Enjoy Life Chocolate Chips or dark chocolate chips
Instructions
- Place shredded coconut, coconut cream concentrate, coconut oil, vanilla, and salt into a food processor and blend until you get a slightly chunky texture.
- Place silicone liners into your muffin tin. If you don’t have silicone liners, use regular paper muffin liners.
- Use a large spoon to scoop out about 2 tablespoons worth of coconut mixture and place into your muffin tins. Press down until flat.
- Once all your muffins liners are filled, melt your chocolate.
- Either place chocolate into a bowl and into the microwave to heat for 30 seconds, then stir, and repeat until chocolate is melted but not burnt. OR use a double boiler to melt down your chocolate. Microwave is easier for lazy people, like yours truly.
- Use a spoon once again to scoop out about 1 tablespoon of chocolate and pour onto your coconut cups until the coconut is completely covered. Repeat on all your coconut cups.
- Place in freezer for about 20 minutes or until chocolate is frozen.
- These will be very hard so you may need to let one sit for a couple minutes at room temperature before biting in. Or break your tooth. Whatever suits your fancy.
- Keep in fridge or freezer to help with chocolate melting.
- Eat and be merry.
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OK, my awesome, beautiful, funny as f*ck Juli. Here’s what my teachers tell me ~ “What you resist, persists.” So try loving your cellulite. I know, sounds like bullsh*t, but try it. Thank it for storing fat for you so you can be strong and do all your crossfit stuff, then tell it that it’s OK if it leaves now. And wait for the miracle. Yes I’m crazy. But I’m also the wisest woman in these parts, girl. Don’t hate, appreciate. . .
These are GREAT! I made them in mini-muffin tins, did a half/half of vanilla and almond extract and added an almond per “muffin”. My husband, who sneers at coconut oil foods, loved them too! Thank you for this inspirational recipe!
Oh, and cellulite is simply horrible. I hear you.
These look A-maazing! I think I may use some mint extract vs.vanilla (or just try both, duh!) and make peppermint patty’s andddd klondike bars! Thanks!
I love Krystle’s tat!!! And holy moly this recipe is a must-make for me.
These look fantastic! Don’t be so hard on yourself. Everyone has their body issue, mine just happens to be the baby pudge from my 2 kids that just won’t go away no matter how clean I eat. You are hilarious and I look forward to reading your posts!
So I totally in a haze at the health food store bought free from pretty much everything dark chocolate, but didn’t realise that what I’d picked up had mint in it.
Turns out, it tastes AWESOME.
Dry body brushing is amazing for cellulite! Google it and then do it everyday! It makes your skin super soft as well and if you use coconut oil as your moisturizer, you’ll be soft as a baby’s bottom to boot!
Holy Crap these are freaking AWESOME! Best paleo treat ever.
Ooh I just did something very similar, but with banana for a bit of sweetness, and didn’t use vanilla or salt… Going to give these a go next time – they sound glorious!
I’m sorry, I just had to laugh … the cellulite sucks but I’ve just come to grips with it … I’ve been ultra skinny (unhealthy like) and I’ve been HEAVY and still have it … even now, at a fairly healthy weight/fitness level. What really gets ME is the chubby calves. Does not matter what I do … hereditary I suppose? Trust me, you are so damn fit and buff that a little cellulite is NOT going to offset anything in your life! 🙂