Have you ever had a muscle cramp hurt so bad that you almost threw up? I have. In my inner thigh. Inner thigh cramps are by far the worst thing because the cramp creeps up to your crotch. And nobody wants a crotch cramp. Nobody.

Enough about crotch cramps, you perve. Onto serious matters. My credit card hates Pittsburgh. Seriously. Every time I come here, every store denies it. Even when I call the bank to say “Hey, stop freaking out and thinking I’m a thief who loves Pittsburgh”, it still doesn’t work. What’s up with that? Where my bank people at? Riddle me that, bank people.

Based on my statement above, I’m guessing you understand that I’m in Pittsburgh. If not, get with it bro! I’m working on a project out here! This is my second trip for this project and so far, it’s going awesome! This is by far the most exciting project I’ve ever worked on and I’m seriously giddy with happiness. Like, weirdly happy. I still can’t officially talk about the project, but believe me, you probably won’t be nearly as excited as I am. Or maybe you will! If that’s so, then I really like you. Anywho, yesterday was my first day of working on the project and the day went perfectly. I made pretty much the most adorbs street tacos of all time.

You guys, guess what? My little Jackson dog is kind of sick. Now don’t you freak out, he’s ok, but the poor guy has an upset stomach. So get this: the morning of my flight to Pittsburgh, I was awaken by Jackson vomitting. Not the greatest thing to wake up to, but things happen, vomit happens. So I didn’t think much of it, cleaned it up then curled up with him on the couch. Soon after, he started barking to go outside. His dad took him out and Jackson ran outside in a panic. Nobody wants to crap their pants inside in front of their humans. No one. This poor kid was in so much pain, I actually heard him scream from inside my apartment. Bloody murder scream. I will never get that sound out of my head, it was the most heartbreaking sound ever. So I headed off to Pittsburgh like a terrible dog mother while my boyfriend took him to the vet to get some x-rays. Turns out nothing was wrong with him. He just has a “sensitive butt”. I don’t know what that means, but I’m guessing he can’t eat apple since that was the only different thing he ate the day before. Poor guy. Look at him all curled up with his dad.

Screen Shot 2014-10-13 at 6.54.24 PM

OMG dead from cuteness.

Are you upset that I talked about dog butts? Whatever. I saw way worse things talked about on instagram yesterday about human butts. Gross. Human butts are gross and should never be mentioned via instagram. Ever.

Yesterday I had a guy comment about how annoying I am. And white trash. I think he may be right. But he also did use the word “what’re” which isn’t actually a proper contraction. Shame. He could have really proved his manhood with such a rude comment if he had used proper grammar. The poor, dumb bastard.

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Ooey Gooey Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Bars

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4.9 from 34 reviews

  • Yield: 16 1x




  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
  2. Grease an 8×8 glass baking dish with ghee, coconut oil or butter.
  3. Mix all ingredient together in a large bowl until well combined.
  4. Pour mixture into baking dish.
  5. Bake for 30 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.
  6. Let cool for 10 minutes before cutting and serving.


Makes 16 squares

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PaleOMG Ooey Gooey Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Bars


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  1. Laura says:

    Just made these. The came out GREAT! Sustituted one for one on the arrowroot powder. Came out just fine. Will definitely make these again.

  2. Bethany says:

    I am obsessed with this recipe! So good and super easy! Everyone I’ve ever made them for loves them too. Can anyone recommend an egg substitute so I can make them for a friend with a SEVERE dairy allergy? Maybe a Vegan? Thank you!!!!

    1. juli says:

      i haven’t tried any egg substitutes for this bar, but i’ve heard either chia seeds or flax seeds, but haven’t tried

  3. Erin says:

    You’re definitely not alone with being obsessed with food. I even enjoy cooking and being in the kitchen… Anyways, I just finished reading this post and just about fell off my chair laughing after reading about the fellow with poor grammar. Made my morning! I may just have to make these bars for my hubby. 🙂

  4. Alissa scharf says:

    These are amazing! I subbed arrowroot for the tapioca, since that is what I had (used 1T) and everything else the same, except I always use almond meal instead of our since it’s easy to get at Trader Joes’s. Since I have leftover pumpkin, i guess I should eat this pan and bake another. Score!

  5. Diedre says:

    I’m dying of laughter right now, but in all seriousness so glad your little guy is ok 🙂 I love your sense of humor and get much entertainment from your snap chat story on a daily basis. Now go delete Maria’s comment 😉 Thanks for reposting this the other day I’m making these bars tomorrow for our weekend.

  6. Aubrey Baier says:

    Just made this tonight am in love!! Added coconut on top, totally delicious 🙂

  7. Alex says:

    I saw you regram these guys on instagram a few times over the past couple months and I had a can of pumpkin half used in my fridge so I searched your site to find them! Also, it was just before Halloween and I didn’t eat ONE piece of candy so I deserved something nice. Cue these oooey gooey fun bites. That’s what I like to call them. I wish I would have read the comments before I made them – I try not to do any added sugar since it seems they’re equally delightful. BUT, these are so amazing. Just like all of your recipes! I live alone and tried a small chunk and was satisfied. With the product and I was testing my self control. I cut them up pretty teeny tiny and put them in the freezer. A few nights later I took out a mini square, like 1×1 and ate it. It is really hard to describe how perfect that decision was/is! They’re not frozen solid because of the oil. They’re a little like a fudgsicle, but not at all. Bottom line. Do that! Anyone thinking about trying it. Just do it and thank Juli for being so brilliant!

  8. Denise says:

    Native Pittsburgher here…Glad you are enjoying your project and hopefully the city. Lots to do..

    So, I have neither arrowroot or tapioca flours…just plain old whole wheat…. Can I use that
    or double up on the almond flour?

    1. juli says:

      no, you need those flours that i listed

  9. Christina S says:

    Your blog tickles me to the core!!

    1. juli says:

      lol i sure hope that’s a good thing 😉

  10. Susan says:

    OMG – you make me laugh so hard!!! Love, love, love your style!!!

    1. juli says:

      thank you, susan!! xoxoxo

    2. juli says:

      you’re the best, susan!! thanks for the love xoxoxo