Have you ever had a muscle cramp hurt so bad that you almost threw up? I have. In my inner thigh. Inner thigh cramps are by far the worst thing because the cramp creeps up to your crotch. And nobody wants a crotch cramp. Nobody.
Enough about crotch cramps, you perve. Onto serious matters. My credit card hates Pittsburgh. Seriously. Every time I come here, every store denies it. Even when I call the bank to say “Hey, stop freaking out and thinking I’m a thief who loves Pittsburgh”, it still doesn’t work. What’s up with that? Where my bank people at? Riddle me that, bank people.
Based on my statement above, I’m guessing you understand that I’m in Pittsburgh. If not, get with it bro! I’m working on a project out here! This is my second trip for this project and so far, it’s going awesome! This is by far the most exciting project I’ve ever worked on and I’m seriously giddy with happiness. Like, weirdly happy. I still can’t officially talk about the project, but believe me, you probably won’t be nearly as excited as I am. Or maybe you will! If that’s so, then I really like you. Anywho, yesterday was my first day of working on the project and the day went perfectly. I made pretty much the most adorbs street tacos of all time.
You guys, guess what? My little Jackson dog is kind of sick. Now don’t you freak out, he’s ok, but the poor guy has an upset stomach. So get this: the morning of my flight to Pittsburgh, I was awaken by Jackson vomitting. Not the greatest thing to wake up to, but things happen, vomit happens. So I didn’t think much of it, cleaned it up then curled up with him on the couch. Soon after, he started barking to go outside. His dad took him out and Jackson ran outside in a panic. Nobody wants to crap their pants inside in front of their humans. No one. This poor kid was in so much pain, I actually heard him scream from inside my apartment. Bloody murder scream. I will never get that sound out of my head, it was the most heartbreaking sound ever. So I headed off to Pittsburgh like a terrible dog mother while my boyfriend took him to the vet to get some x-rays. Turns out nothing was wrong with him. He just has a “sensitive butt”. I don’t know what that means, but I’m guessing he can’t eat apple since that was the only different thing he ate the day before. Poor guy. Look at him all curled up with his dad.
OMG dead from cuteness.
Are you upset that I talked about dog butts? Whatever. I saw way worse things talked about on instagram yesterday about human butts. Gross. Human butts are gross and should never be mentioned via instagram. Ever.
Yesterday I had a guy comment about how annoying I am. And white trash. I think he may be right. But he also did use the word “what’re” which isn’t actually a proper contraction. Shame. He could have really proved his manhood with such a rude comment if he had used proper grammar. The poor, dumb bastard.
Ooey Gooey Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Bars
- Yield: 16 1x
Ingredients
- 3/4 cup pumpkin puree
- 1/2 cup butter or ghee or coconut oil, melted + extra for greasing dish
- 1 egg, whisked
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 1 cup almond flour
- 1/4 cup tapioca flour
- 1 cup coconut sugar
- 1 tablespoon pumpkin pie spice
- 1/2 cup dark chocolate chips
Instructions
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
- Grease an 8×8 glass baking dish with ghee, coconut oil or butter.
- Mix all ingredient together in a large bowl until well combined.
- Pour mixture into baking dish.
- Bake for 30 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.
- Let cool for 10 minutes before cutting and serving.
Notes
Makes 16 squares
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You May Also Like:
Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Cups
Pumpkin Spice Chocolate Chip Energy Balls
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I love how your blog before the recipe had NOTHING to do with the recipe! Hahaha! It’s so refreshing to me! 🙂 Hope your cutesy pie puppy recovers from his apple indigestion!! Xoxo
“The poor, dumb bastard.”
omg you crack me up.
These are tasty! Only used 3/4 cup of coconut sugar and turned out so yummy! Thanks for the awesome recipe 🙂
You’re hilarious, Crotchcramps! I’m going to try these right now. Hope your project takes you to the strip district – foodie paradise. Get well Jackson!
Reading through the comments and questions leaves me wondering how many “blondes” there are out there ?
These are KILLER!! I was out of almond flour so subbed cashew flour and used 1/2 a 3.5 oz. 72% dark chocolate bar hand-chopped for the chips (TJs has one without soy lecithin). Also opted for the ghee and 3/4 c. coconut sugar. I’m bringing them to a friend’s for dinner but already ate 2 “just to make sure they were okay.” (Hint: they were).
holy crap. these. are. good!
Can I sub coconut flower for tapioca flour? Thanks!
I just tried this recipe, subbing in All-Purpose gluten free flour. They are tasty, but I haven’t had any good experiences using this flour yet – it’s like they are chewy, not in the best way. SO it’s time to go out shopping for some almond flour, some tapioca flour, and a myriad of other yummy alternatives! Because dangit, I need these things to be GOOEY!!! 🙂
UPDATE! I made this following the recipe with almond meal and tapioca flour, and O M G they are amazing!!! Thanks for posting this and yes I think I’ll be making these for every gathering in the future 🙂
I was looking for a non-Paleo option for pumpkin bars. Subbed GF flour and reg. sugar (gasp). Turned out awesome. And I didn’t even ask about the subs! I just went for it and it worked great. Funny how that works 😉