After CrossFitting for the past 3 years, I have learned the following:
- Nothing really ever gets easier. Movements get better, muscles get stronger, and the brain learns how to push through some of the pain, but it never actually gets easier. Blasphemy.
- Tall socks don’t actually protect your shins from box jump spills.
- Shin scars don’t go away.
- Taping your hands constantly doesn’t strengthen your calluses. Doing more pull ups does.
- I never will have soft hands.
- Guys with soft hands freak me out.
- Pants will never fit the same.
- No matter how much I squat, cellulite never goes away. NEVER
- Working out without a headband is awful. Super awful.
- Placing your box up against a wall doesn’t keep the box from moving while doing box jumps. It’s creates a blockade for your face to eat sh*t into when you trip on a box jump. Trust me on this one, I found out yesterday. And have the bump on my forehead to prove it. Stupidity at it’s finest.
Guess what? I was in three magazines recently! Those poor magazines. WodTalk Magazine , BoxLife Magazine and Confluence Denver asked me some questions, and I answered. Which is frightening because I have no clue what I really said in any of them. You’ve read my blog, you know how random I am. Depending on my day, my state of mind, and what time of the month it is, my explanations on situations could always be different. Which is, once again, frightening.
Wanna see my cousin and I at her bridal shower? Of course you do, she’s good looking.
So I’ve figured something out. I’m not into bridal stuff. No offense Katie, I love you. And fully support your bride happiness. I’m just not into all the parties, all the gifts, all the tears, all that normal stuff that occurs pre-wedding. It doesn’t feel natural to me. Which is strange because I picked my wedding dress out in a magazine with my first boyfriend (Skyler) at the age of six, behind the tire swing. He then went on to chase me around the playground, while I screamed until I peed myself. My bladder control was less than stellar back in my child days. Long story short, our relationship didn’t last into my seventh year of life. Was it because of my small bladder? I’ll never know. However, my optimism for love lasted until about 21 years of age, then the white dress, bright flowers, and spending outrageous amounts of money on one day just seemed to lose its sparkle.
And no, I did not just admit to the age I lost my virginity at. Perve.
I just don’t think the big show is for me. And I like attention. I write a blog about myself for gosh sakes. But if I like someone enough to marry them, I don’t really want to do all that. I want to go somewhere tropical, wear minimal clothing, and make out with him. Friends should come so we can drink and eat on the beach. I do want a cake, but that’s a given. Who the hell doesn’t want a wedding cake? Oh I know who, those cupcake people. Ugh.
I love these freaking burgers. Like, LOVE.
Pineapple Stuffed Chorizo Burgers
- Yield: 4-5 1x
Ingredients
- 1 pound chorizo
- 0.5 pounds ground beef
- 1/2 of a whole pineapple
- 1 sweet potato or yam, thinly sliced
- 2 avocados
- juice of 1/2 a lime
- juice of 1/2 a lemon
- pinch of cayenne pepper
- salt and pepper, to taste
- 2–3 tablespoons of coconut oil
- 2 tablespoons bacon fat
Instructions
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
- First, get the pineapple ready. Cut the pineapple in half. Cut off the end, then slice the sides off (you are just trying to get rid of the hard skin). Once the skin is off, cut slices of the pineapple into 1/4 inch slices (thin enough to place insides a burger). Use your knife to cut out a circle in the middle of your pineapple slice to remove the hard core. You will need 4-5 slices.
- Now place the thinly sliced sweet potatoes or yam in a bowl along with the thin pineapple. Coat with coconut oil and a sprinkle of salt. Place on a parchment lined baking sheet, baking sure not to overlap. Put in oven to bake for 10-12 minutes, flipping half way through. The pineapple way cook a bit quicker and you may need to remove it before the sweet potatoes.
- While that is cooking, place the chorizo and ground beef in a bowl and mix well. Use the mixture to make 8 equal size balls. You could make 10 (to create 5 burgers) but they might not hold together as well. Flatten balls out into patties.
- Then you’ll want to make the avocado topping. Cut avocados in half, remove pits, and use a spoon to scoop out the avocado. Place in a food processor along the the lime, lemon, cayenne pepper, and a bit of salt and pepper. Puree until smooth.
- Once the pineapple is done cooking, let cool then place on top of one of your patties, place the second patty on top and use your fingers to seal up the burger, pinching the edges a few times. The more you make sure it is closed up, the better they will stick together when you cook them. Repeat with all burgers. Salt both sides of your burgers.
- Place a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add a couple tablespoons of bacon fat to the pan. Once the pan is extra hot, add the burgers to the pan, making sure not to crowd the pan so you get a nice crust on the burgers. Cook for 4-5 minutes per side.
- Once burgers have cooked on both sides, place in the oven either in your skillet or on a baking sheet. Bake for 6-8 minutes.
- When burgers on done, place on top of a stack of sweet potato slices, then top with the avocado puree.
- Beauty.
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You May Also Like:
Grilled Sweet & Spicy Pineapple Pork Chops
Bacon Chorizo Chipotle Smothered Meatloaf
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OMG you are hysterical! I found this website (which I am so thankful for!!) since I have just started working out a month ago. I have lost 9 pounds already!! I needed fresh, yummy paleo recipes. I have made several of your recipes and they are just delish! Your “rambling” just cracks me up and I can’t get enough! Thank you for posting your yummy foods!
I am totally on board with the paleo thing but have yet to do crossfit. One of the main reasons is because box jumps scare the bejesus out of me. Your story didn’t make me feel any better 😉
I love you Juli!!! Thank you for making the shower… and no offense taken!!! I am just excited you have agreed to be a part of our day!!!
SOOOOO looking forward to all of the fun in MAY! 🙂 After a few adult beverages you will also enjoy it…. and your man will be there too! PERFECT!
love you sister!
Solid Post. CrossFit lessons and wedding thoughts completely relatable.
The burgers look amazing! Your post about crossfit had me laughing. I really needed that too because I had my first on ramp class Monday night and class number 2 is tonight. I’ve always considered myself to be an athletic person but last night i found myself soaking in a bath of epsom salts for the first time…EVER! Today I can hardly move and I want to cry every time I have to go to the bathroom because I have to sit on the toilet. I’ve found myself praying all day long that we have to run or jump rope in class tonight…anything but those damn squats and burpees! At this point at my age, I’m just glad that I’m going to class number 2, it would be oh so easy to sit my ass on the couch with a big ol glass of red! Please keep all of your hilarious random posts coming…you never know who’s day you might make or who you might motivate to push through the pain of CF and stay off the couch 🙂
I remember how bad life sucked after that first class. Hang with it!
Ah, you have jazzed my non cooking mind again Juli. I am envisioning these as meatballs, as little balls of meat are my new favorite go to snack/breakfast meal. I make your SW meatloaf into them on a regular basis. I might have to try these out in meatball form. Most of the ladies at my box are convinced the world is not right without a batch of meatballs cooked up weekly. Adding chorizo would kick these so over the top! Might have to try that route. If they don’t work..I am so down for making these burgers. Growing up my grandma cooked chorizo all the time..so I know its value and secrets 🙂
Thanks again for a great post. Oddly, I am the opposite as I am a LOVER of box jumps..and even starting to dig burpees (which I can say after a WOD a few days ago that had a 100 of those after 100 thrusters. EEK).
OMG guys with soft hands…. Sick.
I bet you would feel differently about the whole wedding shebang if the sky was the limit with money. It is sad that you need a lot of moola to make a good wedding these days.
I have to try these! I think I want to make these into meatballs the size of cow balls.
Juli, I soooo agree. As a little girl I was so girlie and always thought I would end up like a Disney princess (you know, happily ever after with a handsome prince in my beautiful white dress). But now I have grown up a bit, and I think too many people get caught up in the wedding and forget about the marriage. They throw so much money, time, energy and stress on this one day instead of thinking about putting that same money, time and energy into planning a future together. And they put so much pressure on themselves to have a ‘perfect’ day that they don’t even end up enjoying it! How stupid is that?! If I ever end up getting married I just want a simple bbq and booze at my folks place with close family and friends. Simple, cheap and fun for all!
Jamaica, that’s where we got married! Planning the big deal was becoming no fun. We were driving by O’Hare and bingo, the idea to fly away was born. It was perfect and low stress!