Vanilla Sugar Almond Butter

“Hey Juli! How was your day yesterday?” -random person who doesn’t exist to ask me that

“Oh you know. Just got pooped on by a bird. Or some kind of creature. Directly on my nose. All my worst fears finally came to life.” -pooped on Juli

Yeahhhhh. I got shat on. It wasn’t a large amount of poop, but enough to be ashamed. I was just jogging, minding my own business and pain, and a creature just let his business go. I’ve always had a fear of that happening to me when geese fly overhead, not while jogging downtown. But it happened. And to add insult to injury, I could barely squat because my hip flexor is acting up. W.T.F.

So, to answer your question, random person who doesn’t exist. “Yesterday was my favorite.”

But who doesn’t love a good almond butter?? Let’s get back to non poopy happy times. That include almond butter. If you’re still one of those people that aren’t sure what to do with almond butter, here’s the answer: you eat it. With a spoon, with a fork (awkwardly), with bananas, with apples, with celery, and really anything else you want. The world is your pyramid. Whatever the hell that means.

Have you noticed how Tyra Banks’ nose keeps getting smaller and smaller each year? It’s Michael Jackson style now. May he rest in peace. It’s just such a bummer because she’s like, REAL good looking. But she keeps ruining it. But who am I to say what good looking is. I’m not famous. Or a model. Maybe as I get older, I’ll start shootin’ up my face as well. You never know.



Vanilla Sugar Almond Butter

  • Yield: 4-6 1x




  1. Puree almonds until they are completely broken down and begin to thicken.
  2. While food processor is still pureeing, add almond oil until the almonds become smooth.
  3. Then add coconut sugar, vanilla extract, and salt and puree once more until well incorporated.
  4. Eat with whatever you like.


Yields about 1 cup

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PaleOMG Vanilla Sugar Almond Butter

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Pecan Coconut Butter

 Easy Chocolate Almond Butter Cups


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Oh, Hi! I’m Juli.

I’m a food hoarder. And a really bad dancer. If you don’t know me well, you will probably not understand my humor. Therefore, I apologize ahead of time. Thanks for listening to my ramblings of my ever-changing life and trusting my kitchen mishaps. Your trust in me is appreciated.


41 thoughts on “Vanilla Sugar Almond Butter”

  1. so APPARENTLY getting shat on by some sort of winged bird creature is good luck.

    Or so said all my coworkers after the same thing happened to me last week.

  2. This made me smile. Like seriously ear to ear smile. I love making my own almond butter. Now I’m going to run out for coconut sugar and gleefully make this. Thanks for sharing!

  3. That looks amazing!! Sorry you got pooped on…but that and the Tyra Bank’s comment made for a good laugh this morning. 🙂

  4. I love dipping beef jerky in nut butters. Weird? Yes. My old roommate would walk into the kitchen and be like “wtf are you doing?” but its so good. Especially sunflower butter. That stuff is amazing. And cashew butter. Oh I love me some cashews.

  5. This looks awesome. just 5 days left of sugar detox. I’m scared to even let a little sugar back in b/c I think I will go crazy!

  6. OMG I have been making my own almond butter recently and it never occurred to me to add oil. Maybe that will help with the texture, because the way it is now, it sticks all over my teeth when I try to eat it…

    Making this sooon!!!!

  7. I love nut butters, so much that I can’t keep them in the house otherwise I could eat the entire jar in two days. If I do happen to have a jar, I always eat it with a fork, it’s slows down the shoveling process.

  8. I was going to look for a recipe…but was wondering if it’s hard on a food processor blade? Because I’d make it ALL the time…

  9. Every time I see a celebrity with a new face (or new part of a face) it makes me so sad.
    I have a few white hairs that have sprouted (right in front!) and I’m not going to color them. My first thought was, “This is a little alarming. Am I that old?” My second thought was, “Cool. I AM that old. And I look pretty darn good for my age too!”

  10. Just made almond butter the first time the other day and am going to Whole foods tomorrow so I’m deff trying this for my next batch! I used coconut oil for my almond butter and it was ama-za-zing! So I’m going to use this on almond pancakes with fruit jam 🙂 D.r.o.o.l

  11. Ohh this looks yummy. I finally ended up buying sunbutter after seeing it used on so many paleo blogs. It is seriously just like peanut butter so i dont know why people dont just eat sunbutter since its better for you. I am like you and just spoon it. I dont need complicated meals! When i scarf down my jar, im making this. It sounds equally spoonable.

  12. Wow. Sharing this one on my own blog! But since it’s not a carb reload day for me I’m swapping the coconut sugar with either some stevia or xylitol. Spreading it on apples with some cinnamon! Yum! Thank you!!!!

  13. Getting shat on is better than getting dive-bombed – I was crossing a road on the way home from work and a bird straight up ran into my face! My eye had a huge chunk o’ blood in it and the Dr said I was lucky it didn’t scratch my retina. Naughty birds!
    This looks stupid delicious.

  14. How long do you think it lasts in the fridge?

    Also I love your website it is so helpful and love your stories. Thank you 🙂

  15. I’m amazed at how smooth your almond butter is. Whenever I make it in the Vitamix I get like a play-doh consistency -__- I’m think I need to add more oil or something. What kind of food processor do you have?

  16. Just made this (with olive oil) and I am not even lying when I say that I drank it while it was still warm from the food processor. Yeah…*hangs head in shame*

  17. Well I didn’t make this one but instead made the honey cinnamon almond butter from your cookbook and holy crap it’s amazing and I want to eat the whole thing for lunch. I can’t wait to make this one to compare!

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