“Hey Juli! How was your day yesterday?” -random person who doesn’t exist to ask me that
“Oh you know. Just got pooped on by a bird. Or some kind of creature. Directly on my nose. All my worst fears finally came to life.” -pooped on Juli
Yeahhhhh. I got shat on. It wasn’t a large amount of poop, but enough to be ashamed. I was just jogging, minding my own business and pain, and a creature just let his business go. I’ve always had a fear of that happening to me when geese fly overhead, not while jogging downtown. But it happened. And to add insult to injury, I could barely squat because my hip flexor is acting up. W.T.F.
So, to answer your question, random person who doesn’t exist. “Yesterday was my favorite.”
But who doesn’t love a good almond butter?? Let’s get back to non poopy happy times. That include almond butter. If you’re still one of those people that aren’t sure what to do with almond butter, here’s the answer: you eat it. With a spoon, with a fork (awkwardly), with bananas, with apples, with celery, and really anything else you want. The world is your pyramid. Whatever the hell that means.
Have you noticed how Tyra Banks’ nose keeps getting smaller and smaller each year? It’s Michael Jackson style now. May he rest in peace. It’s just such a bummer because she’s like, REAL good looking. But she keeps ruining it. But who am I to say what good looking is. I’m not famous. Or a model. Maybe as I get older, I’ll start shootin’ up my face as well. You never know.
Kcoolbye.
Vanilla Sugar Almond Butter
- Yield: 4-6 1x
Ingredients
- 1.5 cups roasted, unsalted almonds
- 1/4 cup almond oil
- 1/4 cup coconut sugar
- 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
- pinch of salt
Instructions
- Puree almonds until they are completely broken down and begin to thicken.
- While food processor is still pureeing, add almond oil until the almonds become smooth.
- Then add coconut sugar, vanilla extract, and salt and puree once more until well incorporated.
- Eat with whatever you like.
Notes
Yields about 1 cup
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Ohh this looks yummy. I finally ended up buying sunbutter after seeing it used on so many paleo blogs. It is seriously just like peanut butter so i dont know why people dont just eat sunbutter since its better for you. I am like you and just spoon it. I dont need complicated meals! When i scarf down my jar, im making this. It sounds equally spoonable.
NOM! I make a lot of almond butter, but I had never thought of adding vanilla to it…
Thanks, I needed that laugh!
Just made this but used coconut oil since I don’t have almond oil. SOOOO GOOOOD! its basically candy 🙂
“Eat with whatever you like” Does that mean a giant spoon?
Great recipe! I use Coconut Sugar in 2 of my nut butters…it’s so amazing, and truly a great alternative to cane sugar.
Wow. Sharing this one on my own blog! But since it’s not a carb reload day for me I’m swapping the coconut sugar with either some stevia or xylitol. Spreading it on apples with some cinnamon! Yum! Thank you!!!!
Getting shat on is better than getting dive-bombed – I was crossing a road on the way home from work and a bird straight up ran into my face! My eye had a huge chunk o’ blood in it and the Dr said I was lucky it didn’t scratch my retina. Naughty birds!
This looks stupid delicious.
How long do you think it lasts in the fridge?
Also I love your website it is so helpful and love your stories. Thank you 🙂
super long. just store it in a container and it should last more than 2 weeks
Can’t wait to try this…just need to get a food processor!