I’m finally back in my groove at CrossFit, feeling strong again after traveling and can breathe at the miserable altitude. Luckily, I travel again this Sunday so in a few weeks, I’ll be back to being miserable at CrossFit once again! Fabulous, just fabulous. It’s crazy how fast you lose strength and endurance when you’re not doing it regularly.
I want to talk a little about something. My body has been changing recently and I’m not totally sure why. My metabolism seriously changes month to month and I never really know what I’m doing differently. My eating patterns don’t change that much, my workout schedule is always different depending how I feel, but my body is always changing.
The only thing I’ve really taken on this year is my new motto “f*ck it”. Now before you go getting all pissed at me and leaving comments about how my language is offensive, hear me out (or just stop reading). I used to worry about everything in my life before. I worried about my diet, I worried about my workouts, I constantly worried about my physique, I worried about every little thing, especially when I couldn’t control some of those things. I put myself in such a constant state of stress, I was never able to be happy. It took over my mind, my conversations and truly my life. I was unhappy. And since being constantly worried and stressed about all those things wasn’t fixing them, I just woke up one day and said “f*ck it”. Screw worrying about my diet, screw obsessing about how many workouts I do, screw staring at myself in the mirror and looking at all my imperfections. F*ck it. I was finally fed up with it. 25 years of my life were spent worrying about everything and I was honestly exhausted. And instantly, I was happier. The less I obsessed with what I was eating and just ate what I felt like in the moment (minus gluten because that doesn’t really work for me), the more my eating habits regulated. The less I worried about taking rest days, the better my body felt. And the less time I spent staring at my imperfections in the mirror, the more I learned how enjoyable life could actually be. And before I knew it, I actually lost some weight.
How much weight, I can’t be sure. I try not to get on the scale much because it doesn’t really mean much. But when I was competing in CrossFit, I wasn’t happy with my how I felt in my skin. I would look in the mirror and I just didn’t feel like I recognized myself. Now I feel like I finally do. Even though I know my body will change once again in a year like it’s done every single year since I was born, I finally know that obsessing gets me nowhere.
Have any of you gone through something similar or are trying to find that balance? Leave a comment below with your own story of personal growth!
Sunday – Group open gym workout! That means we made up our own workout.
20 minute AMRAP:
50/42 calorie row
40 KB Swings (70/55)- I used 45#
30 burpees
20 power cleans (135,95)- I used 85#
10 front squats (same weight)
5 muscle ups or 15 C2B pull ups (I did C2B pull ups)
100 double unders
I finished with 1 round at 16 kettlebell swings
Monday –
2 x Hang Squat Clean + Push Jerk + Split Jerk. Adding. (12 mins) – I think I got to 125#?
Back Squat: 4 x 5. Adding. (12 mins) – I got to 155#
7 min AMRAP OF: (3,6,9,12…)
Power Cleans (185/125) – I used 105#
Burpees Over Bar
I got to 15? I think. Sh*t I suck at this.
Tuesday –
Bent Over Row: 5 x 5. Adding. 1 sec pause on floor after each rep. (12 mins) – I got to 115#
then
15-12-9-6-3 Reps For Time Of:
Strict handstand push ups (I did mine to 1 ab mat)
Strict Pull Ups
I finished in 8:52
then
5 min AMRAP OF:
15 KB Swings (70/55)
30 Double Unders
I got 4 rounds + 26 reps
Wednesday – Rest day. Luckily it was a rest day since I decided to be an idiot and cut my thumb open, in turn spending 3 hours in urgent care getting it stitched up. Lovely.
Thursday – Another rest day because I was being super big baby about getting a tetanus shot and it hurting like a b*tch in my shoulder. It’s seriously still sore almost a week later. Stupid.
Friday –
2 x Hang Power Cleans + 1 x Push Jerk. 12 mins for a heavy set. – I got to 135#
For Time:
750/700m Row
then 2 rounds:
20 Push Jerks (155/105) – I used 85#
20 Alt Pistols – I held a 10# plate while doing pistols to help keep my heel down
then
400m Run
30 Wall Ball
I finished in 13:27
Saturday –
5 Rounds For Time Of:
7 Power Snatch (165/105) – I used 85#
15 Pull Ups
200m Run
10 Burpees
1 min rest between rounds
I finished in 20:46
Hi juli! I know you wrote earlier that you don’t like to do “a day in the eating life” but I was wondering if you might consider doing one with this new lifestyle. I’m still really struggling with trying to have a balanced day with meals and am unsure about a lot. I would love to see about how many carbs/what kinds are a part of your day, as you are my absolute goal! Just seeing how often and with what you stray from the paleo prescription with would be amazing. Please keep us updated…I hope to someday look and feel as great as you seem to!
I can’t agree with you more. I finally came to this same realization after going through three horrible months of teeth issues and gum surgery. As soon as I’d feel better and start my workout routine again I’d have to go in for another surgery and start from scratch. I finally realized that it isn’t about working out every day, or not eating this or that since I wasn’t working out, or how I didn’t like that little pouch here and there. It’s about being healthy and accepting myself depending on where I was in my current state of life. It’s too bad it took me until 39 to realize this, but I’m glad I did and glad you did too!
I can really relate to what you are saying. I have been doing CrossFit for almost 3 years and have seen my body change drastically…at first I loved the change and do embrace being strong and muscular…but it does cause insecurities for me. My jeans don’t fit anymore, my pencil skirts are skin tight if I can even get them on (talk about bootylicious!) and even my shirts are too small; this can mentally f**k you! While I do enjoy lifting, I am trying to find a balance between working out, eating right and being happy with my body. The past few weeks I have been taking CrossFit less seriously (I think I have only worked out a handful of times past 3 weeks) and just trying to enjoy it more. I eat mostly paleo, some gluten free and always allow myself the occasional cheat meal – I love food and don’t want to deprive myself! It is work in progress but I am starting to feel more comfortable in my skin and not be so critical towards myself. I think you look amazing and admire your f**k it mental state! I love your blog and appreciate you sharing your stories/experiences…I feel like we could be pretty good friends 🙂
Loved this post. I have been so down on myself for so long (negative self talk, bad body image, etc). I haven’t stuck to Paleo in the past and always had food guilt. I would obsess over losing weight and wouldn’t lose a pound. My birthday was in late September and I was starting my first Whole 30 on October 1st. I ate everything I wanted and basically didn’t worry about it. I gained no weight. I think I reduced the amount of stress I was putting my body under by not worrying about what I was eating. Now I am on Day 6 of my first Whole 30 and I feel great. Thanks Juli!
Man, do I understand. Right now i’m at the before picture you posted. But I feel strong and love Crossfit and working out. I struggle to say “f**k it” like you, although I know I need to, and I have before. And it turned out great when i did. I felt and looked fantastic. Thank you for posting your release from restriction. It’s nice to see 🙂 It motivates me to get back on that chillin train
I love this post. I read your post on a regular because you are honest and genuine.
I started paleo in March but when I did the whole30 my perspective about diet change. I no longer counted calories, I started to love cooking, and I stopped obsessing over my weight. I noticed that I maintained my weight and felt better. The problem lies that I want more so I still look at myself in the mirror, compare myself to others and obsess about my workouts. I should no better. Each person is different and rest days are important. I need to learn to stop scheduling (other than work) my life by the minute but taking it one moment at a time.
Thank you for sharing. Oh, one more thing your smile and face shows that you are happy.
Juli – I absolutely loovvveeee this post. After following your blog for so long, I’m happy to see you in such a great place. Keep doing what you do, boo. You’re fabulous.
i’m so glad you posted this. it’s happening to me right now. i lost weight over the summer but didn’t set out to. was just doing what was good in the moment. it was the first time in my life that when people said something to me about it i was uncomfortable because i hadn’t tried and it evoked some fear in me..like i won’t be able to maintain or what if i gain it back they will notice that too…all that stuff. and guess what..it’s back. but whatever..i just want to stay feeling good. i still want to build some health and get stronger but i’m at more peace than ever before. it has freaked me out a little to see it come back..but i know what to do i think. i was just talking about it today, glad i saw this.
I have spent years of my adult life counting calories then macros. Trying strict paleo, whole 30. Etc. Within the last few months I said f it. I am going to eat as healthy as possible but what I want. No counting. No gluten. It was freeing ! And now much like you I have leaned out a little. Life is about living and part of that is listening to ur body not degrading it for what it looks like.
You are very inspiring Juli! While there is always room for improvement it is so important to be happy with who you are. I recently started crossfit to become stronger and started eating paleo for my long term health and your blog has made the process so much better! You make the lifestyle fun and I am actually really excited about the changes I’ve made in my life.